After two years of living with regular antenna television, I’ve decided to indulge a little bit by shelling out a couple of extra dollars per month to watch channels I wouldn’t be interested in otherwise: Animal Planet. The Discovery Channel. Home and Garden Television.
But the best part of all of this is that the first night I got cable, I got to watch a full couple of hours of Korean music videos. Now, for those who don’t know – I listen to some J-Pop (Japanese pop music) and some of its other Korean and Chinese counterparts, though not as much. But I am, admittedly, not the biggest fan boy to watch every video of every Asian artist that comes out.
None the less, for those people who aren’t as experienced watching Asian music videos, here’s an easy guide to figure out whether the music video you’re watching is Japanese or Korean.
HOW TO TELL IF A MUSIC VIDEO IS FROM…
SOUTH KOREA: There are basic rules if you’re watching a South Korean power ballad: If it’s a girl singer, her face is never shown. Instead, a 3 minute mini-movie is played out, to the following plot:
- Guy falls for girl in extreme situation. For example: Girl is guy’s hairstylist. Girl is abused, guy is a social worker. Girl is a pleasant North Korean girl, guy works in the DMZ.
- Couple slowly but surely falls in love through a series of vignettes: walks in the park, trips to the amusement parks, druken brawls inside of noodle stands.
- Something tragic happens, and the guy pays the ultimate price. Examples: Hairstylist goes blind and the guy becomes distant, only to find that the guy DONATES HIS EYES to her. Girls abuser ex-boyfriend comes back and tries to kill girl, but guy takes the bullet, inadvertently knocking abuser over a high story building. Guy runs to the girls apartment to deliver an engagement ring, but a freak boulder falls from the sky, crushing him instantly.
- Finally, there is a minute and a half of the girl sobbing her eyes out, while flashbacks of the couple appear as a distant, fading memory. Fade out, cut to a cellphone commercial.
Seriously, I’m typing this shit out and it depresses me. Now I know why Koreans drink so much. (I’m kidding! Jeezus, put down that broken Crown Royal bottle.)
JAPAN: Admittedly, every Japanese music video I’ve seen (god bless you, Hey!Hey!Hey!) has had the same slick production values and ADD-styled quick editing as its American counterparts. Thankfully, I can make fun of Morning Musume, a massive 15-member (15!) all-girl pop group, where age ranges go from 9 to, like, 37.
I don’t know a single guy who wouldn’t watch a VH-1 Behind the Music episode about this. All the gay guys would look for the catty back stabbing and the hot pink outfits. All the straight guys would tune in for the opportunity for a 15-way Japanese all-girl make-out session. With sword fighting afterwards.
Thank god for cable television, seriously. Otherwise I wouldn’t have anything to write about on this damn weblog. (More coming soon, hopefully… this post is turning out longer than I thought.)