4.5 Minutes of My Morning
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KRON4 Morning News anchor: “We have just received breaking news that the National Security Level has been raised from Yellow to Orange. We have a security expert here with us. Security Expert, can you tell us the difference between a Yellow Alert and an Orange Alert?”
KRON4 Morning News Security Level Expert: “An Orange alert, while more severe than a Yellow alert, is not as severe as a Red alert. Furthermore…”
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Good Morning America: “Hello, this is Diane Sawyer, live from Kuwait. We are currently here with a female staff sergeant, where we will proceed to pander to Americas emotions by showing her a video of her husband and kids and watch her sob openly on national television.”
Video footage of husband and kids: “We wuv you, honey! Come home soon! God bless America!”
Female Staff Sergeant: *sobs openly*
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Mornings on 2 Host, paraphrased: “…war war war war war war LACI AND SCOTT PETERSON!! war war war war war war war war…”
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CBS This Morning’s ever-bubbly Julie Chen: “And next up, we will have LIVE interviews with the grand prize winners of Star Search, a show that no one cares about except for CBS!”
Tiffany Evans, 10-year old winner of the child singer category: “I am a diva!”
Lesson learned: stop watching TV in the morning. Except for Julie Chen.
