little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

An open letter to someone here at work who used the bathroom too loud

Dear anonymous co-worker sitting in the stall in the men’s bathroom:

You know, having a badge is a way of life in corporate America. Like you, I also have to prominently wear a badge that has my name and photo somewhere on my person. And wearing your badge on your belt often makes for a convenient place to have your badge, considering it is also used to gain entry to the buildings here.

But please, anonymous co-worker, I have a suggestion: If you’re going to have a bowel movement and sit on the toilet stall, can you at least HIDE YOUR badge so I don’t have to know who exactly is taking a dump next to me?

Understand that I’m not trying to look at your badge. By no means I’m not. But our badges are purple and they draw attention. If you’re outside of the corporate buildings trying to quickly gauge whether another person is a fellow Yahoo! employee, that’s great. But when you’re using the bathroom and your pants are around your ankles and your badge is dangling by your feet, it says a message. And the message says, “HELLO, MY NAME IS _____, MANAGER OF _____, AND I’M TAKING A CRAP, RIGHT NOW. THOSE GRUNTING AND FARTING NOISES? THAT’S *ME*.”

And that makes me uncomfortable, especially if I have to work with you. Because now, in my eyes, you’re not ____, esteemed co-worker, but ____, co-worker who obviously didn’t have enough fiber this morning.

So please - if you’re going to be using the bathroom, and you have your badge by your belt, put it in your pocket before, uhm, going. You win, I win, the company wins. That’s all.

Okay, I’ve vented enough. Move along, people.

Ernie, try looking at it positively. There are upsides to knowing who is…um…busy.

You know instantly if you should just turn around, go back to your desk, and wait until it’s over.

You know who NOT to walk into the bathroom after.

It lets you identify to others the one who just sucked all the breathable air out of the bathroom.

There’s also some blackmail potential.

And there’s no shame in noticing. It’s right up there with seeing spinach between someone’s front teeth or noticing they have toilet paper hanging out of their waistband — a badge on the floor is a badge where a badge isn’t supposed to be, therefore you Yahoo protective services require a little quick investigation to ensure someone didn’t just DROP their badge and are even now being escorted to the curb by security.

Public service, man. That’s your thing.

I hear ya. I hide my badge, loud dump or not.

Of course, if you’re as neurotic as I am it won’t fully solve the problem because you can still see their shoes for future identification.

Sure, it’s easy not to notice their shoes, until you think about it. So next time the co-worker hides their badge, you won’t help but check out their shoes whether you want to or not.

is it true about the size of asian genital parts

i don’t mean to offend anyone…just curious. i’m half asian.

8———(black) 8—-(white) 8- (asian)

Okay, so yes, this is gross, but I’ll tell you what’s grosser: being in a bathroom stall and hearing the person in the stall next to you going clickety-click on their Blackberry while they’re simultaneously having a BM. That is super disgusting.

ugh.

Unfortunately, I know all of the men in my office who do NOT wash their hands after using the facilities. I should blackmail them.

Geez, I alway worry someone will recognize my shoes. I know I hate recognizing the shoes of a coworker in a stall, this is why I usually go to a different floor to use the bathroom!!!!!

Omg. That’s funny in a horrible, traumatic kind of way.

This post made me laugh out loud. Thanks!

What’s really interesting about this is that being recognized is a negative, as if somehow, in some mythical way, we all want the world to believe we never deficate or urinate, never burp or fart, never pick our noses or scratch our butts…and why?

I mean, really, why is it something embarrassing? Is there someone on the planet who does NOT do any of those things? (and who is not connected to major life support complete with colostomy bags?)

It’s really twisted if you analyze it.

(But I still find myself laughing. Have to think about that some more.)

i wish i couldn’t relate to this post, but unfortunately i also have experienced this. along with the “conversations over the wall while one of takes a dump” scenario. people! work needs to stop when we hit the bathroom.

*dead* I know it’s natural and everybody does it but I tend to do what macboyx does and use the bathroom on a different floor; especially if I’m going to be doing some serious damage.

I hear in some countries it’s a badge of honor to have epic bowel movements. This man could be king in his home country.

worse still is when they step on their id while pulling up their trousers and then you hear the smack of it sproinging back up and hitting them in the face……!

I’ll admit. I didn’t read the blog (yet, anyways)… BUT, it’s November 17th!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERNIE!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERNIE!

I don’t think any noise should be made period when one is using the restroom in such a manner. If noise absolutely will happen then the person should wait till they are alone in the bathroom.

Happy Birthday - you were born on a particularly auspicious day. : )

Amen to that.

Sick. That’s all I gotta say. Just like you I would never look at them the same way.

I always hide my purple badge. I just assume it was common courtesy. I do however flush the toilet over and over if the person in the stall next to me is unwise enough to be talking on their cell phone just so that the person (or people) on the other side know it. nothing beats a ‘whose on the can’ witch hunt during a conference call.

Oh man, I needed that. Way too funny =)

I have always wondered the same thing. Sometimes I swear it’s like the person has framed their badge and put it on the floor like it’s on display at a gallery.

Here is something else I have wondered…how in the h3ll does an adult male MISS the urinal. There should not but puddles on the floor in front of it…