little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

because you asked how my vegas trip was. no, not really

And… back from Vegas. Some thoughts:

• My mother lost big in Las Vegas. “Losing big” for my mother is seven dollars in nickels. “Ai-ya! Why did we come here? In Reno, the slots are better! Your Auntie won $500 playing slots! Here, it just eats my money! I won 20 nickels and then I lost it again! Why did we come to Las Vegas?”

  She says this, of course, while I lose a hundred bucks playing paigow poker and tip the cocktail waitress a $5 chip for my diet coke. She then continues to remind me how she lost seven dollars - 140 nickels! - continuously for the next three days and two nights. Trips with your parents are fun!

• The week wasn’t spent completely on gambling - thankfully there’s enough neon lights, fountain shows, flower shows, Elvis impersonators and Latino guys handing out sidewalk pornography to keep us occupied.

  (Ernie and his mom pass by a bunch of celebrity impersonators: Hank Williams, Elvis, Michael Jackson.)

  Mom: That Michael Jackson, he’s too fat.
  Ernie: And not white enough.
  Mom: Mm.

• My father was in the Taiwanese navy, where he used to boast that he was a big whiskey drinker. “I would drink everyone under the table,” he would lament in Chinese. “Everyone would be passed out, and there I am, asking for more shots!” Conversely, my mother gets “Asian redface.” That is, three sips of wine and you’re almost passed out.

  Take a wild guess as to whose genes I get.

  (The scene: Ernie and his mom are at Top of the World, one of those mood lighting, revolving skyline, $100-a-plate restaurants at the top of the Stratosphere. Ernie and his mom shared a glass of wine. Ernie and his mom are, uhm, slightly intoxicated.)

  Ernie: I’m drunk.
  Mom: Me too. How much is the bill?
  Ernie: 170 dollars.
  Mom: Ai-ya, that’s so expensive! Take some of my food home!
  Ernie: Mom, I’m not bringing a doggie bag full of lobster tail and scallops on a plane.
  Mom: How about this wine? It’s ten dollars a glass! Can we take the glass home?
  Ernie: No.
  Mom: I have a water bottle.
  Ernie: No.
  Mom: No, really! The water bottle is in my purse and -
  Ernie: No.
  Mom: People won’t know, they’ll think it’s fruit juice.

  That’s the visual image I want, right? A drunk 70 year old Asian lady, drinking wine in a water bottle in a paper bag, staggering up and down the Vegas strip. Instead of a handout, she could beg for buffet vouchers and those waving, ceramic cats. (Embarassing drunk photo to be uploaded when I find my USB cable.)

Sounds like you had a wonderful time.

(And yes, I understand how moms can be–but cherish your parents, with all their foibles. You only get the one set!)

You got drunk on half a glass of wine? Oh dear…

It’s kinda creepy getting drunk with your mom. no matter how old you get.

i want to see your mom. she has been mystified for long enough! time for a photo
drunk shot with you, preferably. thanks

Classic.
that conversation could’ve happened between my mom and I

hey ernie,
this probably isn’t the forum, but do you know where bertie is?

i miss her.

Can I just say that Asian immigrant mamas and native Alabama mamas have a lot more in common than you’d think?

Shwa

Now you know how I felt, when my mom came to one of my parties and got drunk off the jello shots. Yeah.

Sidewalk pornography? Sounds like fun!

Your mom drinking wine from a water bottle, that is too funny! Can’t wait for the pic.

She could just pass it off as that new “Evian Red”.

You are too funny!

Ernie….we can trade moms anytime you want. I just love your mom. My mom and yours would be great Comadres (hoodrat homies…cant think of a better english translation!!).

Ernie….we can trade moms anytime you want. I just love your mom. My mom and yours would be great Comadres (hoodrat homies…cant think of a better english translation!!).

Just adorable.

at least it wasn’t smirnoff ice. i would be very afraid to be drunk with my mom.

wasn’t it you that linked the lucky cat flipping people the bird?

what?! no mention of ranch99? did you even stopped by? we were all waiting for you.

boo!!!

Viva - los vegas

I wouldn’t have a problem getting drunk with my mom… no problem but my grandmother would be another story!

Hi

My name is Mathieu O’Neil, I’m currently a Visiting Fellow at the Australian National University’s Center of New Media Arts. I also contribute to a collective blog on New Media Arts called underthesun (http://underthesun.anu.edu.au/weblogs/underthesun/).

I’m posting this as a comment because I could not find your email address.

I’m presently conducting a sociological survey of blogs, focusing on the social dynamics which lead people to blog and on how bloggers determine the value of their and other bloggers’ work on the blogging market. My research findings will be presented at a conference at Macquarie University (Sydney), “Mobile Boundaries / Rigid Worlds: The Contemporary Paradox” in late September.

I conducted a similar survey with zine publishers in the mid-nineties, obtained 120 responses, and wrote up the results in an article entitled “The Lay of the Land. Portrait of the Zinester as a Social Statistic” which was published in the “zine of zines”, Factsheet 5 (no. 62, 1997). I’m also interested in the possible continuities / discontinuities between blogs and zines.

So, I would really appreciate it if you could take the time to answer the following questions, as well as pass them on to anyone else who might be interested in taking part. Any information collected is for social science research purposes only, and will be be treated with the utmost confidentiality (hey, if you think collecting bloggers’ personal details is some kind of fiendish conspiracy, be my guest).

A few pointers:
-Please do not modify the order of the questions.
-Please do not send in surveys after 5 SEPTEMBER, 2004. This is the official cut-off date.
-Please direct all queries and completed surveys to: oneil@homemail.com.au

Thanks!
Best,
Mathieu O’Neil

THE GREAT BLOGGER SURVEY

A-Your blog
How much time do you devote to your blog:
Name of your blog:
Started:
Genre (if applicable):
Subject:
Appearance:
Cost:
Updates:
Why did you start blogging:
What are you most proud of in your blog:
What does your offline entourage think of it:

B-Personal
Age:
Gender:
Residence (big-small town/where):
Profession:
Salary:
Did you go to university (if so, where):
Highest education degree(s) (in what):
Father’s profession:
Mother’s profession:
Paternal grandfather’s profession:
Paternal grandmother’s profession:
Maternal grandfather’s profession:
Maternal grandmother’s profession:
Religion (if any):
Political affiliation (if any):

C-Taste
Favorite food:
Favorite book:
Favorite music:
Favorite film:
Favorite computer game:
Where do you buy your clothes:

D-Technology
Your computer:
Your blogging software:
Internet connection:
Most common technical glitch:

E-The Blogosphere
How much time do you spend reading other blogs:
What is your favorite blog and why:
What is the best / worst thing about blogs:
Who do you link with:
Do you see yourself as belonging to a blog tribe:
Have any problems arisen because you blog:
What blogging practice annoys you the most:
Do you post comment in other blogs:
Do you subscribe to email lists / discussions (which ones):
What is your take on the blogosphere:

F-Blogs and zines
Did you read zines?
How are zines and blogs similar:
How are zines and blogs different:

wow, what a way to aggravate a blogger, leaving a gigantic comment totally unrelated to the post, that you obviously cut and pasted.

This is the cutest blog entry I ever read.
(And I read one about baby mules once!)

Ernie,
You are such a celebrity. I went to my sister’s wedding in Houston a month ago and I was talking to a group of her friends from NY about this great blog, “little, yellow, asian” and this guy was all like, “yeah I met Ernie one time in NY” People could actually play the Kevin Bacon game using you instead!

Ernie,
You are such a celebrity. I went to my sister’s wedding in Houston a month ago and I was talking to a group of her friends from NY about this great blog, “little, yellow, asian” and this guy was all like, “yeah I met Ernie one time in NY” People could actually play the Kevin Bacon game using you instead!

wow. mathieu, talk about not understanding your fucking audience.

erinie, i want to party with your mom.

Why are you telling us all this? I thought what went on in Vegas stayed in Vegas. You are breaking the Social Contract!

hee hee

I have this English friend whose grandmother (no longer alive) used to take these day-trips to France with her little-old-lady group from church and fill empty Evian bottles with gin to get around the duty-free limits. One time, one of the other little old ladies got sea sick on the trip home and the rector grabbed a bottle of water to refresh her and well…

Your mother’s “fruit juice” idea just struck a note.

More important question: did you hit the Rio World Buffet like the other asians?

Just returned from Vegas myself and be careful, they have camera’s everywhere. That’s right…what happens in Vegas stays recorded in Vegas…forever! Hope you did not act too goofy. Could bite you in the butt 5 years from now.

I’m actually in Las Vegas. Las Vegas is a guilded cage really. If you stare at it long enough you begin to see it for what it really is: a pile of shit covered in rose pedals.