britneys dance beat
Okay, what’s sadder?
The fact that two days ago, I went to Best Buy and actually bought a copy of Britney’s Dance Beat. That’s right, kids. Britney Spears has a video game.- I beat said game in, oh, 38 minutes.
Some thoughts on the game:
-
Choose between six background dancers of various genders and ethnicities! All dressed in fashions provided by Wet Seal! (The Latino guy character used in this game was obviously a video game sprite they recycled from the now-scrapped game, “Ricki Martin Super Gay 3-D Fighter II.” )
-
You can tell Britney marketed this game for players of all ages, because even if your main character does really badly, Britney will chirp out positive comments, like “C’mon, you can do better!” and “Looks like we could practice a bit more.” Oh, come on, now. I wish I could enter some secret code where Britney could say something like, “DANCE, YOU LITTLE CHRISTINA AGULERRA WANNABE BITCH! DANCE, YOU LITTLE WHORE! I MAKE MORE MONEY THAT YOU CAN EVEN FATHOM! JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS HUNG LIKE A HORSE!”
-
When you do finish the game by minute #39, you’re treated to a 3D image of Britney saying “I hope you had fun! Bye, now!” And then the credits roll. That’s it. Oh yeah, there was some live footage of Britney taking a shower in slow motion, but I just skipped right through that. You know, being gay and all. -
But on the flip side, thanks to the technological magic of motion capturing, I now know all the dance moves to “Oops! I Did it Again.” It’s worth the $40 I spent on the game alone. (Please note the heavy doses of sarcasm.)
The verdict: Rent the game, but you must play it at least once for the irony factor.
And for the hardcore gamers out there, no, her breasts do not jiggle like the girls from the Dead Or Alive series. Could you just imagine the guy at the motion capturing studio, trying to attach two ping-pong balls to Britneys boobies while she’s standing on a giant blue screen? That would be the coolest job ever. Well, for some people. I guess. Yeah.
