(You guys are so sick of me posting about this, aren’t you? You try going on a game show.)

So, in case you didn’t catch the episode — I made it to the final round, make it to sudden death, and then I get asked this question:

The Host: “Ernie: What member of OJ Simpsons Prosecution Trial was in an issue of People Magazine’s 50 best dressed list?”
Ernie: (Fuck! It’s Marcia… Marcia…)
Ernie’s Internal Monologue: Say Brady, bitch. It’s Marcia Brady. Marcia Brady Marcia Brady Marcia Brady.
Ernie: (Marcia…)
Ernie’s Internal Monologue: SAY IT, BITCH! SAY MARCIA BRADY!
Ernie: (out loud) I don’t know.
The Host: No. Marcia Clark.
Ernie: Fuck me.

Some other notes about the show that I can finally write about now:

• You know at the end of the show, how they say “Ernie, you leave with nothing?” They really mean that. No board-game, no rice-a-roni, no fabulous set of silverware. Just the opportunity to get humiliated by the public, which already occurs to me on a daily basis, no thanks to this weblog.

• I’ve had two people e-mail me that they seen me on television, and added a little addendum: my voice is high. Yes, I know my voice is high. It’s gay and it’s high and I talk like a valley girl. I get calls by telemarkers and people call me “ma’am” even after I say that my name is ERNEST. Laugh. Laugh away at my pain.

• Additional note from my friend Mike (who took those two pictures that you see): “You have a big head.” I have nothing to say to that one.

• Another thing that’s completely edited on the show? The post-game interview. They will ask you six or seven questions about how you did, you answer them and they put your best response to the question. They also, uhm, encourage embellishments.

  TWL Staff Member: You’re crushed that you lost in the final round, aren’t you?
  Ernie: Eh, it’s alright, I guess. I mean, it’s only $4,500! I live in Oakland, that will pay for, what, fifteen days of rent?
  TWLSM: Okay, that’s not good for television. Say how you were gonna use that money for rent, and how you had been laid off from the dot-coms. For the camera.
  Ernie: (rolls eyes) “Eh, I could have used the money on rent.” How’s that?
  TWLSM: Now, act 150 times gayer and flip your hair.
  Ernie: What?
  TWLSM: You heard me.
  Ernie: (sighs) “EEEW, I COULD HAVE TOTTTALLLY USED THAT MONEY FOR RENT, CUZ I WAS, LIKE, A DOT-COMMER, YOU KNOW? BUT I, LIKE, TOTALLY BLEW IT!”
  TWLSM: That’s better.

There are more stories, but those are for another day. I was completely humiliated on national television but I don’t have a regret in the world. Maybe I’ll apply for Survivor now. (God help us.)