Colonization. And Pudding!
Last night I had dinner with some friends from college. One of whom, Gina, I haven’t seen in three years. Gina is an adorable, politically incorrect Taiwanese girl who is graduating from medical school in a couple of months. But because of her adorable-factor, she can pretty much get away with blanket statements about genocide, blink a couple of times, and everyone will forget how inappropriate her statements were because she’s so damn adorable.
You want examples? Okay, then.
(The scene: inside a Chinese cafe, somewhere in the Sunset district.)
Steve: We’re all going to lunch on Saturday. You’re going, right?
Gina: Ooooh. And bring your MAN!
Ernie: I’ll ask him. I’m not sure how comfortable he’s gonna be about it.
Steve: Why?
Ernie: Oh come on, now. Half black, quarter white, quarter Filipino guy sitting at a table full of Chinese people. Tell me you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if you were in his shoes.
Gina: So? He can talk with Johnny.(Everyone turns and looks at Johnny. Johnny, incidentally, is the token white guy sitting at our table. Hell, he’s the only white guy in a five-square radius of the cafe.)
Ernie: … WHAT? Ohmygod Gina, what on earth are they gonna talk about? Colonization?
Johnny: Hi, I’m Johnny. My people enslaved your people hundreds of years ago.
And later…
Ernie: So, I know you have some freaky patient stories, right?
Gina: Oh Oh Oh, I have a good one. You know OCD, right? Well, there’s one guy who’s totally obsessed over picking his butt. His butt! Like, he has this total method, too. He uses is index finger and sticks it up there, and then he bends his finger when it’s up there. Then he makes a hook with it and twists it! (Insert sounds of Gina making little twisty noises.) He does it every twenty minutes. He can’t even have a regular bowel movement because he just picks at it the whole day! Pick! Pick! Pick!
Ernie: …
Gina: How is your dessert, Ernie?
Ernie: (stares down at his bowl of pudding. Of all the desserts I could have ordered, I get PUDDING.) Waiter, check please.
If you ever get a physical exam by a Dr. Gina, may god have mercy on your souls. (Hi, Gina!)
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