Tomorrow is election day and for the first time in my entire life, I am registered to vote. Unfortunately, it’s going to be for two candidates I really couldn’t care less about. Do you vote for the special-interests guy blamed for California’s energy crisis or the conservative business man that I can’t relate to at all? Can I just check the “other” box and write “Cookie Monster?”
In any case, I’m getting a whole lot of prerecorded messages on my answering machine. “Please vote No on Measure A!” “Vote Yes on Measure EE!” “This is Charlie Sheen, asking you to vote for Gray Davis! [beep!]“
(Ernie is washing dishes in the kitchen. Paris’ telephone rings.)
Ernie: Hey man… that’s either gonna be Charlie Sheen or the pizza guy.
Paris: *picks up phone* Hello? Oh yeah, no prob, I’ll buzz you in. We’re apartment #301. *hangs up*
Ernie: The pizza guy?
Paris: Nope. Charlie Sheen.
Ernie: That fucker better have a pizza. I’m hungry.
Hey! Charlie Sheen for governor! Or for pizza guy! He’d make some great commercials.