So, I make it a tradition for myself to buy a dozen doughnuts to offer to co-workers. Kinda like how tribal villages offer babies as a peace offering, except replace “baby” with “processed sugar and fat.”
I’ve had some, uhm, not-so-satisfactory results with offering doughnuts to previous co-workers. Now that I work at one of those hip dot-coms again, you’d think the doughnuts would just go, right?
Wrong!
Ernie: Morning! Would you like a dougnut?
Manager: No, thanks.
Ernie: No prob! How about you?
Co-worker #1: I’m watching what I eat.
Co-worker #2: I’m going to go down to cafeteria to get some oatmeal.
Co-worker #3: Mmmm… Krispy Kr….(Co-worker #2 glares at #1. “You’ll have to run an extra 45 minutes…”)
Co-worker #3: I’m cool with Oatmeal.
So now, instead of being the new-guy who brought doughnuts, I feel like the jerk that tried to tempt my co-workers with 500% of the FDA’s recommended allowances of sugar and cholesterol. And because now I will sit here for the rest of the day with a box full of uneaten doughnuts, people will walk by my cubicle, see the doughnuts and think that I’m the most gluttonous motherfuck to ever walk the face of the earth. “RAAH! ME NEW WEB DEV, ALL DOUGHNUTS FOR ME!! *insert sound of Ernie stuffing face here*”
So much for making first impressions. Mental note to self: offer shredded wheat and fruit salad to offer co-workers in the morning. And a treadmill.
Update 10:43am: A bunch of other co-workers have eaten some doughnuts, thus restoring some faith to myself (and humanity.)
ERNIE ERNIE ERNIE
FUCK your co-workers, bring KK! What’s right is right! Eat that shit and offer some to the bossman, never hurts to kiss ass. Stupid ass Yahoo! employees, they need SUGAR to get their brains working to make money so Yahoo! can throw impromtu raves. http://raves.yahoo.com
You made me laugh out loud..really a belly type laugh.
And I started to have desires for those key lime krispy kreme’s.
yeah..that’s what I’m talking about….
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thanks for brightening the night;)
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