little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

doughnut run: part 2

So, I make it a tradition for myself to buy a dozen doughnuts to offer to co-workers. Kinda like how tribal villages offer babies as a peace offering, except replace “baby” with “processed sugar and fat.”

I’ve had some, uhm, not-so-satisfactory results with offering doughnuts to previous co-workers. Now that I work at one of those hip dot-coms again, you’d think the doughnuts would just go, right?

Wrong!

Ernie: Morning! Would you like a dougnut?
Manager: No, thanks.
Ernie: No prob! How about you?
Co-worker #1: I’m watching what I eat.
Co-worker #2: I’m going to go down to cafeteria to get some oatmeal.
Co-worker #3: Mmmm… Krispy Kr….

(Co-worker #2 glares at #1. “You’ll have to run an extra 45 minutes…”)

Co-worker #3: I’m cool with Oatmeal.

So now, instead of being the new-guy who brought doughnuts, I feel like the jerk that tried to tempt my co-workers with 500% of the FDA’s recommended allowances of sugar and cholesterol. And because now I will sit here for the rest of the day with a box full of uneaten doughnuts, people will walk by my cubicle, see the doughnuts and think that I’m the most gluttonous motherfuck to ever walk the face of the earth. “RAAH! ME NEW WEB DEV, ALL DOUGHNUTS FOR ME!! *insert sound of Ernie stuffing face here*”

So much for making first impressions. Mental note to self: offer shredded wheat and fruit salad to offer co-workers in the morning. And a treadmill.

Update 10:43am: A bunch of other co-workers have eaten some doughnuts, thus restoring some faith to myself (and humanity.)

Oh, screw you! I’m so damn hungry! And there are no Krispy Kremes for milesandmiles!

Wow. Calfornians are weird. In my office, if you didn’t ask people if they wanted a doughnut, they’dve pulled an Elian Gonzalez and and dispatched Delta Force to forcibly separate ^H^H^H^H^H^H^H LIBERATE them.

my 2 cents… bring healthy, low-fat muffins. in fact, if they are home made, they’ll love the thought you up into it! that or they might think that you have no life except to stay home and bake…

I can see this is just part of your master plan to raise the cholesterol levels of you co-works to exceptionally high levels, thereby causing them to become unhealthy and quit their jobs, allowing you to fill these “voids” in the workforce.

All the while eating you healthy Chinese-cuisine derived meals.

I see it. I see your plan!

You Californians are cut-throat!

Turning down Krispy Kremes? Oh for the love of Pete….

Now if you came into my office with that, there would just be a gust of wind and you’d be left standing there with an empty box. And someone might’ve just taken a bite out of that.

The thing is, once you have a Krispy Kreme store nearby, you don’t crave them as much as you do when it’s more than an hour away. It’s odd.

But you *did* get HOT DOUGHNUTS NOW, right?

you’re co-workers are weird! i would NEVER turn down krispy kreme doughnuts. NEVER!

My co-workers will turn them down if I tell them to help themselves but if I leave them in the office kitchen without telling anyone they are there, they mysteriously all disappear by 10 am. You don’t have to count the calories if nobody sees you eat them!

they’ll be gone before noon…

you need to work with engineers - civil, mechanical or electrical…

they NEVER pass up FREE food…
it could be a 6 month old halloween candy or week old bread …and they would STILL eat it…

Hey Ernie, can I have one of those doughnuts?

I GUARANTEE if you try the same experiment with a warm box of Stan’s glazed donuts from Stan’s Donuts, Homestead Rd, Santa Clara, you would have an ENTIRELY different result. Anyone who works/lives in or near Santa Clara knows that Stan’s beats Krispy Kreme hands down and they NEVER last when I bring them in to work. The Krispy Kremes, on the other hand, get stale and hard.

You can bring those doughnuts to my office. These attorneys will eat anything. Then again, they might sue you afterwards for the side effects. Never mind, better keep the doughnuts there….

I want a krispy kreme, stop by my house and bring me some, please!!!!(on knees begging)
I’ll eat one, especially cream filled…I love cream filled dough…nuts…I’ll just walk away now :(…

And I thought baby’s WERE made of processed sugar and fat. I swear I was. Well processed Phat!

I’m surprised no one said they were on Atkins & hurled the evil doughnuts across the room.

… and if anyone ever turns down food and gives the explanation that they’re on that low-carb/high-protein diet, just remind them… Atkins is dead.

No doughnuts! No doughnuts!

Imagine the calories, sugars, and the gooey doughness!

Hey, Ernie, you know that if you bring shredded wheat and fruit salad to work, one (or more) of those same co-workers will sigh and say something like, “I could really go for one of those donuts today. Did you bring some of those, too?” That’s life! (so ignore the ingrates!)

Yeah, the majority of my co-workers are on Atkins, so they’d turn down doughnuts too.

A good doughnut place, Donut Wheel on De Anza Blvd.. Mmm. Good eats. Specially after some Miyake’s. Mmmm.. miami roll… ::drool::

Ah the Donut Wheel. When Ernie and worked at marchFIRST, it was just a block away. I’d visit it often and partake of their beautiful variety of fried sugar dough. Then we got laid off… no more Donut Wheel. No more… *sniff*

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE MARY’S! YOU KNOW DONUTS ARE EVIL.

::::The power of christ compels you, the power of christ compels you::::

Actually, while I don’t eat donuts (yes I’m on Atkins {bitches!}), I do buy them weekly and put them in the office kitchen and watch in bemusement as one coworker after another succumbs to the fat and flour, destroying their diet. ::::insert evil laughter here::::

I think we’re all so stunned by the passing-up-of-donuts thing that we’re failing to see the real problem here, namely how rude these people were. What would be wrong with this?:

Ernie: Morning. Would you like a donut?

Co-worker: Gosh, that’s really nice of you, new guy! While I appreciate the gesture, I’m afraid I cannot partake in the processed-sugary-goodness. But thank you anyway!

But what do you get? Made to feel like you’re the devil, that’s what you get.

i bake cookies & take them into work a lot. i used to walk around to everyone offering them cookies and they would politely decline because of their diet or “just take one”. i finally figured out that if i put them in the breakroom unattended, they’d disappear very fast. i’d love to set up a hidden camera so i can watch as people peek around the corner to make sure no-one is looking before scarfing handfuls of cookies. no-one is going to eat a doughnut when they think someone might see them, leave them alone with the box however…

Ernie the exact same thing happened to me. I wanted to do something nice so I bought in a couple dozen Krispy Kremes (from the brand new store that had just opened. First in the state). I felt exactly like you did. I cursed myself and swore next time, it’d be bagels.

Just throw together a nice vegetable tray with lowfat ranch dip and bring some little bottles of mineral water…

they’re putting a KK into, of all really weird places, HARRODS here in london. now if i really loved my co-workers i’d go there to get them some donuts. but i don’t. oh well.

yes please. no thanks. those are the only 2 appropriate answers.

I once brought in doughnuts for my last day of work as kind of a “I’m off to a new job, I feel sorry for you bastards still stuck here” but they coincided with some sort of cake & present presentation to one of the pregnant managers so my doughnuts just got over powered by cake and they just sat there untouched until the end of my shift when I tried to sneak out of the office unnoticed.

That sucks, Ernie! Next time you’re feeling generous, send them donuts over here! I love Krispy Kremes!!

What you gotta do is send an email out to the entire department. There are a lot of donut-mongers here, they just don’t sit near us. I bring in donuts occasionally on Fridays, and after that email goes out (Come get your free hot Krispy Kremes! Mmm!), all of my donuts are gone in 5 minutes. It’s kind of frightening how quickly they go. Truly. Frightening.

You probably don’t want to be friends with people who go out of their way to eat oatmeal anyway.

I only eat oatmeal when I plan to shit adobe. This — as you can well imagine — is a rare occurence. Not unheard of after natural disasters and such, but rare.

I tend to stare challengingly at people when I eat a Krispy Kreme. Not so much that I feel that they are coveting the tantalizing dough ring but rather I stare challengingly at people regardless. But with a doughnut in my maw, I can appear disarming.

BTW, don’t let that initial reaction to Krispy Kremes scare ya. Keep those Krispy Kremes coming in! If no one else eats them, then I sure as heck will!

buncha ingrates… its the 2nd time reading this post and i’m still mad… send them doughnuts over here……i will NEVER turn them down. n-e-v-e-r!

How can someone turn donuts down? Nut cases.

america was founded on donuts…has everyone
gone mad?…mad i say!…or is that white stuff around their mouths the powdered sugar?

Oh, the cruelty of the Internet: reading about people refusing fresh, delicious doughnuts, of which there are precisely 0 in my particular country.

at my office when you offer people the doughnuts they claim they’re on a diet, that they can’t possibly eat one. yeah, that’s the official story. meanwhile, i leave the box of glazy goodness in the kitchen and when i come back ten minutes later the doughnuts are all gone and i could swear that even the box has been licked clean.

We have a departmental meeting every Thursday morning and for the longest time someone always brought doughnuts. No one ever ate them (about 30 of us in the dept) and eventually people just quit bringing them.

Don’t know why. just kind of an unspoken thing that nobody was going to eat them.

Hey, Ernie? You can’t go wrong with bagels. Seriously. They look like doughnuts, so people who like doughnuts will eat them, but the health nuts will love them, too. Bring a bag with a variety of them (onion, egg, cranberry, raisin, etc.) with two or three containers of cream cheese.

Dude, I want a doughnut. Seriously. Upload one and send it my way…

My Friend loves KK, I didn’t know what the heck it was, cause I came from Korea at that times. Well, it was doughnut amd he believes it is the best doughnut in the world(still). I didn’t agree witht that but one time I came by KK, and they gave me HOT,just made, doughnut. Oh boy, it was good. Ye,… it is shameful that we don’t have KK in Pusan,Korea my town. We have only Dunkin Doughnuts, and I don’t think people crazy about it.

“only” Dunkin Donuts, Seojin? We don’t even have that, or even Mister Donut, here in Taiwan. Consider yourself lucky.

Hey April: bagels are loaded, loaded, loaded with calories. Not as bad as doughnuts, but not for health nuts either.

But then my philosophy is WHO FUCKING CARES. I have three choices: I can worry incessantly about food and be hungry, I can worry incessantly about money and be miserable, or I can be happy.

In other words, Ernie, your co-workers suck, and you can tell them I said that. Even if they get thin they’ll still be prissy little no-assed bitches. The women too.

Hey, let them run on their hamster wheel. Enjoy yourself! They’ll be getting tummy tucks until they have no tummy or inner organs to suck out. That’s just how it goes. Being healthy, and sometimes indulgent, is one thing - but going overboard about it and guilting other people is just pathetic.

Thanks Drew, but not all health nuts count calories.

ME WEB DEV! LOVE DOUGHNUTS!

I do the same thing. And, lately, nobody eats them but me, and I end up with 10,000 empty calories and a stomach ache. Of course, I work with mostly people over the age of 40… they probably think I’m out to kill them.

hot-fresh-now
hot-fresh-now
hot-fresh-now

0_o

Hey, Ernie, somewhere about 10 years ago the thought of eating a doughnut started grossing me out, so I haven’t eaten any. Of course, I would not share that with you if you offered me a doughnut, I’d just say “no thank you.” Which is all anyone needs to say.

Bagels are not safe everywhere, however. Poppyseed bagels are not kosher at places that have random drug testing. And you probably don’t want to hear my rant on how horrible bagels are in the Bay Area. On second thought, “no thank you.”

Atkins is dead and Jim Fixx died while jogging.

Bring on the doughnuts. Life is too short to be able to see your ribs.

Bring those Krispy Kremes over to my school–we teachers know the value of free food.

Oooohh Ernie, We would have eaten all of them if you would have brought in any… U know well how much your x-coleagues luv eating stuff ….:) U can still send some to your old office if no body eats them in ur current office…

ERNIE ERNIE ERNIE
FUCK your co-workers, bring KK! What’s right is right! Eat that shit and offer some to the bossman, never hurts to kiss ass. Stupid ass Yahoo! employees, they need SUGAR to get their brains working to make money so Yahoo! can throw impromtu raves. http://raves.yahoo.com

You made me laugh out loud..really a belly type laugh.

And I started to have desires for those key lime krispy kreme’s.

yeah..that’s what I’m talking about….
=======
thanks for brightening the night;)

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