little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

gay gay gay

Every once in a while, I get e-mails from people asking why I haven’t written about particular topics. One time, I had a USA Today reporter call me for my opinion on a recently published article about Asian Americans and Internet usage, like I was the premier expert on being Asian American and surfing the web.

“Yes, Asian Americans have been known to use the Internet. Now that I have granted you this wisdom, may God bless you, my child.”

(Okay, it wasn’t exactly like that. She woke me at seven in the morning, and I was all, “what? Uhmm… yeah, we use the Internet.” And she’s all, “that’s it?” And I was like, “yeah, that’s it.” But that’s not as dramatic.)

Anyway. I’ve recently received some inquiries as to why I haven’t written about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Boys Meets Boy, shows that have single-handedly transformed Bravo from “Home of the ‘My Dinner with Andre’ marathon” to “The Gay Reality Show Network.” Because I don’t have cable television, perhaps? Eh, little details like that are insignificant.

• Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Five fabulous queens make over a straight guy. Fuck that shit, what they need is a Queer Eye for the Queer Guy. My room is a mess, I cycle between a couple of t-shirts and cargo pants, and I don’t think I’ve ever used a moisturizer product in my life unless it’s involved a sunburn.

  (That clicking sound you hear is the sound of dozens of rice queens turning off their computer in horror and disgust.)

  You hear that, fab five? Come to my apartment. Besides, I wouldn’t mind the free white chocolate truffles and the black leather couch. Or to live in an apartment where the walls weren’t painted white. That would be kinda cool too.

  By the way, that Jai guy seems nice enough, has his own Broadway show and everything, but as a “culture guy,” does he actually do anything on that damn show? Seriously.

• Boy Meets Boy: The Bachelor for gay men, basically. Oh, and some of the suitors are straight. As a disclaimer, I haven’t been able to see a single episode of the show yet, but I viewed the website. That’s all I need to see, really.
  

  James: Hi, I’m James, the star of this gay reality show. You can tell me apart from the other 15 gay men because I have the most pronounced jaw.
  The suitors: Hello, we are all gay men from West Hollywood, therefore we all look, dress and speak exactly alike.
  Token gay black guy: Even me!
  James: Brad, now that we’re on our one-on-one, do you think we have that special “love connection?”
  Brad: Uhmm, I’d have sex with you.
  James: How about you, Chad?
  Chad: Ditto. You’re about as interesting as a sack of flour, though.
  James: Well, after 30 minutes of posturing and mock-drama, I have made my decision on who to eliminate! I eliminate…. the token black guy!
  Token gay black guy: Shit.

You have more clothes than I do!!!!!

I want to see Straight Eye for the Queer Guy… straight guys can go find stereotypically (that being the key here) gay guys and teach them how do to things like change their own oil and install garbage disposals.

I agree heartily that the Fab 5 need to visit our queer friends who have not been lucky enough to be endowed with the ‘queer style’ gene.

How far are we away until they have a reality show where they give a strait guy a million bucks to hop the border and marry a gay dude?

FOR LUBE OR MONEY!

Of course the black gay guy was gonna be the first to go. He wasn’t stereotypical enough. Well that and he was kinda sorta on the “DL”.

And Jiggles, I think that’s gonna be Joe Millionaire 2.

read a great interview with the producer of “queer eye”; the journalist asked him if there could be a show where a gang of straight guys tries to teach a gay man how to act more straight, and the producer said, “um, that’s called high school”

i think the best part of boy meets boy is some of the bachelors are like “who cares if james doesn’t want me, check out the rest of the guys here, yeeeeeeeeeah!” in the first episode a guy did say he was looking to hook up with the others! you won’t se that on the regular bachelor and the bachelorette!

Sign me up for Queer Eye for the Queer Guy too. I’ve never had a manicure in my life.

Well if you stuck a bunch of bears in a big house for a couple of months and had them vote each other off week for week, it would be the real “BIG brother 5(woof)” Sorry I couldn’t resist.

I agree wholeheartedly, though nobody’s asked my opinion. Piling on more stereotypes doesn’t really help the stereotype issue.

My roomies have already looked into submiting me to QEFTSG. Thank god they only accept applications from the tri-sate area currently. Oh, Bear BIG Brother sounds like a porno setup… to bad i dont classify as a bear, i would go.

I can’t help it man, I lurve Queer Eye (Even have it Tivo-ed). It combines a makeover show, comedy, and fabulous good-looking men — how could I resist?

I agree with you somewhat about Jai. I mean, the only thing he really does is give advice to the men on how to be more romantic. Any of the other guys could do that, really. But I guess they needed one other guy to fill that role. The one guy I feel the most sorry for is Thom — my god, the man has to do everything from painting the room to weeding the garden. I wonder if there’s a behind-the-scenes clean-up crew there to help them with that stuff.

Tell me where to sign up for that bear show.

dood, i so need that too. our house is a bad combination of ikea, walmart and laura ashley. btw… MY back has never been waxed either.

and by the way, if I had a uterus I would so have Ted Allen’s love child.

Ted: http://bravotv.com/Queer_Eye_for_the_Straight_Guy/Ted_Allen/

Hey Ernie, do Gay Asian Americans read USA Today?

At first I thot that bloke Thom was Jon Lovitz! Dear me!

I saw a new show on VH1 last night called “Totally Gay” - a highlight type show of all the “new” gayness on tv & in pop culture. It is a hoot. I’m sure it’ll be on every few hours for the next 2 weeks, if you didn’t catch it.

Eek - did anybody else visit the Jai Official Site or his page on Bravo? Self indulgence, thy name is JAI.

He even has the nerve, on his fan page, to ask for donations to pay for bandwidth. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, fame is a difficult road to plow, but thank goodness there’s people like JAI to plow it for us. He is a shining beacon for us all..

And darling? That shirt with the skill on it makes you look fat, shmookins. Talk to Carson, sweetie.

I claim responsibility for this post. It was I who asked why Ernie hadn’t commented on anything. It was I who pointed out that I, a straight guy, instructed Ernie on fashion whilst he was here visiting.

Asians have computers? Gay people really DO exist?!

How about Queer Eye for the Straight Girl. Carson would take a look at all the black in my closet and have a seizure. Jai would vomit all over my CD collection. Ted would chastize me about the lack of capers in my fridge. OK, maybe having them over wouldn’t be such a good idea after all.

So, was anyone else horrified when they tried to twinkify (my own word, dag nabbit!) the red-haired hetro-bear by making him get his back hair waxed? Haven’t these guys heard of the Bear movement? Or are they part of some sort of anti-bear twink rebellion?

I just saw that show last night, it was funny and entertaining. I laughed at the guys being held hostage by the chicks boobies. That was classic, and all that drinking is to die for. I really couldn’t get into Boy Meets Boy, I tried…

I just saw that show last night, it was funny and entertaining. I laughed at the guys being held hostage by the chicks boobies. That was classic, and all that drinking is to die for. I really couldn’t get into Boy Meets Boy, I tried…

ernie, you make me give serious consideration to going gay.

love ya man. love ya.

You mean you’re not stick thin, covered with labels and completely vacuous?! You’re a total shame to the rice community! *grin*

I laughed last night when the cop was getting airbrushed with the Fab-1 and whats-his-face was like “What’s so gay about this?” Even I was like… um… he’s standing there, naked except for plastic underwear, next to a flaming queen, getting an airbrush tan. Nope, nothing gay about that.
What was Ted wearing? That yellow thing was so ah-ah. And what did they dress that poor man in??? Jeans, a NY baseball jersey and a suit jacket? Wrap around glasses? OMG.

“what they need is a Queer Eye for the Queer Guy. My room is a mess, I cycle between a couple of t-shirts and cargo pants, and I don’t think I’ve ever used a moisturizer product in my life unless it’s involved a sunburn. ”

Great Ernie, now you can put “straight-acting” in all your personals! I qualify too: my outfit is whatever’s clean, underwear is piled in a heap on the floor, dishes in the sink, yep, straight acting.

“(That clicking sound you hear is the sound of dozens of rice queens turning off their computer in horror and disgust.)”

Doesn’t bother me, then again, I’m an odd sort of rice queen.

First episode of Boy Meets Boy? gay, gay, gay, straight, straight, gay, straight, gay, gay, gay… sheesh, was James born without gaydar? Oh wait, I’m not one to talk since I was born without fashion sense or a desire to maintain any semblance of a daily regimen. No pink jackets and pedicures for me, thanks.

Hi Ernie,

Peace and Blessings. Enjoyed your site.

nice site!