god is love, beeyotch!
Teen Lingo: A Guide for Youth Ministers. Wow. Where do I even start on this one? I don’t think this guy is trying to be ironic, either. Nothing delights me more when a faithful servant of the Lord tries to learn the slang of the common man. Well, the common pre-adolescant man, according to this guy.
Our youth pastor, a woman named Laurie, was such a person. A nice lady, very dynamic speaker, but you could tell she was uncomfortable teaching gospel to a bunch of hippie teens. One day, she came up to me and my friends Isaac and Annie while we were hanging out by the church a Sunday afternoon.
L: So, I need to give a sermon on the story of Daniel to a couple thousand people for a National Youth Conference.
Ernie, at age 16: So?
L: I want you guys to help me out with the sermon. Be creative! I know! You can do a rap! I’ll videotape you!(Ernie turns to his friends. They shrug. “Eh.”)
Ernie: Sure, I guess. What’s the worst that could happen?
So, away we went. We all spent a night writing out a verse, 20 or 30 minutes practicing our choreography, the Running Man. We were our matching high school choir sweatshirts and we even renamed ourselves Shadrack, Meshaq and Abednego.
(This is the part the story where my boyfriend, who lives and breathes hip-hop culture, breaks up with me in humiliation after reading that I’ve been videotaped doing the Running Man and naming myself Abednego at the age of 16.)
Where was I? Oh yeah. The rap. Yeah, it was videotaped. I can’t really get into the details of it, because it’s been blocked from my memory like a bad molestation. I do remember us wearing sunglasses, using the phrase “Jesus Christ is key” and us ending the rap folding our arms over like breakdancers would.
Or humiliated 16-year olds.
There are rumors that this video is still circulating around the youth group circuit. If that’s the case, I will be more than happy to Paypal you a dollar or two so you can buy a cheap plastic spoon and gouge your eyes out. They were that bad.
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