little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

Grand Theft Auto 4, in a nutshell

Last week, I bought a Playstation 3. One of the first games I got for it was Grand Theft Auto 4. Over the years, I have bought all the games in the GTA series, and at no time have I ever beat the game. Actually, I’ve never even gotten halfway through the game. This game will be no different, and for all the reviews about the graphics being phenomenal and the story being compelling — all true — I only remember now why I can’t get very far in the game:

It stresses me the fuck out. Take this scene, no less than twenty minutes into the game:

Guy sitting shotgun: [in a Serbian accent] QUICK QUICK! THE COPS ARE CHASING AFTER US! WE MUST NAVIGATE THROUGH THE UNFORGIVING STREETS OF LIBERTY CITY WHILE YOU DRIVE THIS SHITTY CAR THAT DOESN’T HANDLE WELL AND I YELL AT YOU CONSTANTLY.
Ernie: Fuck me.
Guy sitting shotgun: WHAT THE FUCK ASSHOLE WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE DRIVE GODDAMMIT
Ernie: [Makes a left turn into a light pole] Fuck.
Guy sitting shotgun: YOU PIECE OF SHIT NOW WE’RE D–
[car gets rammed by 150 Police Squadrons from all sides, MISSION FAILED message appears on the screen, Ernie removes the disc from the PS3 out of frustration and plays Minesweeper on his laptop]

Seriously, I don’t care if this is the highest rated game on the Playstation 3 — if I wanted to be screamed at in an automobile, I could driving my mother around the Bay Area and tell her I was gay.

Sometimes I just turn it on to drive around Liberty City and kill a bunch of people while listening to cool electro and making awesome jumps :D.

This is why I gave up WoW — started seeming too much like work.

Weird coinkydink, Nelson Minar had a post just like this today. (He actually did finish GTA IV.)

I nominate Team Fortress 2 as your next game. You can have fun in a 10-minute round, which I do nearly every day at lunchtime and after work.

Yeah, GTA games are like that. But I have to share some funny tidbits, from playing other GTA games, I actually get dejavus from driving through Miami, San Francisco and LA, even though I’ve never been to those places. While I didn’t invest on a PS3, I wonder how well NYC translates in the new edition of Liberty City.

I started feeling this way about The Sims. I don’t need a videogame to tell me what it’s like to have a to-do list a mile long and no time to pee.

On the other hand I bought the American Idol game for the Wii WANTING to hear Simon Cowell insulting my karaoke skills. I was very disappointed that no matter how how low the score, his avatar would still say things like, “Hate the song, love the singing.”

Hahah… I just ignore my passengers. I find it really funny when I wipe out or run over a pedestrian and my passenger starts freaking. Having said that, for a game that’s originally based on driving (and stealing cars), the driving mechanics really annoy me. I want more arcade style driving, less realistic style. FUCK YOU making me brake when I turn a corner at full speed. I want to just fly around the corner without easing off the gas one little bit!

I couldn’t even get the hang of driving the bicycle in the last one, so forget this one. You’re hilariously bang-on, as usual…

Hey - Aren’t you at Yahoo again? How are things, heard announcements of layoffs at Yahoo at Yahoo.

That’s fantastic - it’s exactly what I do. I still haven’t passed that mission and I’ve had GTA4 for 2 months.

Hehe. What’s worse — that you were humiliated and stressed the fuck out by a computer or that you had to pay for it =)

As if work doesn’t do that for you already. And this is what we call leisure time. sigh…

Personally, I’m always accidentally shooting someone I’m supposed to be protecting. I get bored of the cut scenes and don’t always get the details of the missions.

Try Saints Row 2. It’s a blatant knockoff of Grand Theft Auto. This gives them the benefit of improving on the mechanics as they didn’t have to spend time coming up a concept for the game.

Number One Son convinced his uncle to buy GTA4 for him and proceeded to beat it in two and a half weeks. A nice achievement I suppose, although it got him grounded for buying a mature game behind my back. He actually claimed it was just a demo he found in a game magazine and wasn’t the complete game.