little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

happy housewarming, ernie

So, my new place is getting furnished, albeit very slowly. Good thing my parents are always there to help. (Chinese, like always, is in italics.)

Mom: Ernie! Before I leave for China in two weeks, I have a housewarming gift to give to you!
Ernie: Oh mom, you shouldn’t have.

[Mom hands Ernie his housewarming gift]

Ernie: It’s a toilet scrubber.
Mom: It’s not just any toilet scrubber - it’s a porcelin toilet scrubber with a puppy on it! Isn’t it adorable?
Ernie: Mmm. I’m not sure if this will go with any of my furniture. You didn’t spend a lot of money on this, did you?
Mom: Of course not. I bought it at the dollar store. Do you wanna see what came free with it?
Ernie: It’s… a pig toilet scrubber.
Mom: A CERAMIC PIG IN OVERALLS! Isn’t it darling? And you can show your little doggie to all your friends!
Ernie: Mm.

You know how some interior decorators will decorate their whole rooms around a specific item in the house? Maybe I could have a special room devoted to adorable ceramic puppy toilet scrubbers. Or maybe I can kill myself.

numsero uno

i meant to say number one

you know what’s sad… bed bath and beyond sells porcelain duck toilet scrubbers [http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=13057966] for good money. i bought a bunch of their rubber duck themed items for my new hugeass bathroom, but the toilet scrubber just sort of scared me.

only chinese text in this post i guess was “Mom hands Ernie his housewarming gift”
how do you do that in chinese?

I think that means there’s a chinese speaking narrator. Or something.

I can imagine the conversation when she comes to visits and you have friends over
Your Mum: Goes off to use the bathroom
You: “some amusing anecdote”
Your Friends: “Hahahaha”
Toilet Flushing Sound
Your Mum: “Why is the dog not in your bathroom anymore?”
You: “Ummm”
Your Mum: “And the pig? Where has he gone?”
You: “Ummm”
Your Mum: “you have still got the dog and the pig I gave you?”
You: “Ahh”
Your Friends: Stony silence

See, what I don’t understand, is the logic that pigs belong in bathrooms. Or puppies. Ducks, I get. But pigs and puppies?

Now you wouldn’t want to hurt your Mom’s feelings would you? Of course you can decorate around the porcelin puppy/pig theme in your bathroom…Pick up the latest issue of “Puppy/Pig Bedrooms and Baths” it’s all there!

BTW…I am having a helluva problem with Yahoo mail–does anyone actually work there (besides you of course) that can actually answer a question?

This is fairly random but what the heck. Is it bad that I had a dream about Ernie last night? *blush*

You’re better off killing yourself. You could store all the porcelain toilet scrubbers in one room, and plaster it up for future generations to find…. a national treasure! or Ernie’s secret obsession.

where are the italics? actually i am digging the idea of your mom speaking in english about the cuteness of barnyard animals in clothing. i have a cat toilet brush, btw.

oops! changing it now.

Ernie, You do realize that by posting this, all of your friends will now try to search for tacky ceramic animals to place in your bathroom. You’ll have an adorable menagerie in no time at all!

Dude, kitch-themed bathrooms ARE THE BEST. Take the seed your mother has given you and run with it. RUN FAR, YOUNG ERNIE! RUN FAST!

I’m totally picturing one of those ceramic dolls with a hand-crocheted skirt … it would look great next to the sink!

ok now i’m pretty sure we DON’T have the same mom afterall.

LOL - your mom rocks.
In that “I’m glad she’s not MY mom” kinda way, but still, she rocks

Photos! Photos! I wanna see photos!

Donate it to Good Will. That is what I do with horrible cheap gifts from my family.

Those gifts actually make sense, taking into account the somewhat annoying eating habits of pigs and dogs. Not that my dog ate sh*t or anything like that!
Well, actually yes, it did.

Ernie, you want my father-version of this heartattack-followed-by-empty-look-gift? A gypsum killer-cobra staring holes in your brain and demanding: “Kill me if you can…come on, doit,doitdoitdoit”.

Oh my God, laughing so hard I’m going to die.

You should start a barnyard collection.

Hey, Ernie…

I don’t know if you remember me or not. We had Hot Pot back in the day… You know, with Fred Steffen from Minnesota?

Anyway…
I’m in web design now, and am an avid reader of your blog (I read it, just usually in big chunks separated by lots of time.) Don’t even JOKE about killing yourself! I will SOOO haunt you! But it may take getting someone to channel you, and then beating them up. And repeating this process over and over until I die of old age, and then I’ll just come find you in the ether.

Or maybe that’s just too much effort. Plus, from the sound of it, your mom would take care of it. And being haunted in Chinese seems a LOT worse than being haunted in English.

Hope you’re doing great!

F~