horny geese of death
You might know that I work at the second largest office building in the nation, behind the Pentagon. What you might not know is that there is a man-made lake here, with all sorts of ducks and geese. When I first worked here and hung out in that area for my smoking breaks, I found it charming. That was three months ago.
Then the ducks went off and migrated somewhere. So did the white geese, with the orange bills. (Female geese, I think. Right?) Which leaves the male geese.
Dozens of male geese. Hundreds of male geese. Hundreds of squawking geese, probably pissed off that all the chick geese went off migrating to Mexico, or wherever the hell migrating fowl go. So they just waddle around the smoking area, taking craps on the benches, quacking about how horny they are. With all the noise and crap lying around, it’s like the San Diego Zoo. Except replace all the cute, fuzzy little animals with annoying-ass geese. There ya go.
So where am I going with this? Well, apparently geese are territorial. How do I know this? Because apparently I smoked a little bit too close in their direction, and with their giant wings of evil, starting flying in my direction. At eye level. So naturally, I did what any guy would do when a pack of geese are flying straight towards your head.
I screamed like a little girl.
Which, of course, caused the group of hip twenty-somethings smoking less than twenty feet away from me to laugh hysterically. Ha ha, look at the Asian guy getting attacked by a bunch of geese. He’ll be eating lunch alone for the next 10 months here, ha ha. Bastards. Next time I’ll put some peanut butter and birdseed in the hip sales guy’s manpurse. Then we’ll see.
I hate birds. Don’t you?
Update: See? I’m not alone. (Thanks, Roger)
