How to Dress Up For Halloween in 7 Minutes
Ernie: I need a Halloween costume. I’m supposed to take two co-workers out to the Castro tonight and I have this bright-blue, puffy made-in-China polyester bathrobe that Mom bought for me. Kinda looks like a pimpcoat. I don’t suppose you have a giant blue fedora and a cane lying around in your room, do you?
Paris: Nope.
Ernie: Crap. I’ll think of something.
(Seven minutes pass. Ernie walks out of his bedroom wearing bathrobe, wifebeater tank-top, track pants, sunglasses and a bandana.)
Paris: What on earth are you supposed to be?
Ernie: I’m Kid Rock!
Paris: You look nothing like Kid Rock. You look like a Chinese guy wearing sunglasses and a bathrobe.
Ernie: Dude, work with me here. Okay, I’ll change into something else, give me a second.(Ernie enters his room and then re-appears, wearing the exact same thing.)
Ernie: Now I’m Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes!
Paris: I don’t think so.
I’d write about the actual experience in the Castro, but these articles pretty much says it all. It misses some stuff though, like the thousands of straight people, trying too drunk for their own good and trying to start fights. It was especially difficult trying to catch a train home and I got back at 2am on a Thursday. Geez, this holiday is more stressful than Christmas.
