little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

how to make chinese soup

So, on a mailing list at work, there is this:

From: A Yahoo! employee
To: internal-food-mailing-list@yahoo-inc.com
Subject: Does anyone have any recipes for Chinese soup? [eom]

To which, Eric sends a couple of us his reply:

From: Eric
To: (A bunch of us)
Subject: Re: Does anyone have any recipes for Chinese soup? [eom]

• 1 rhino horn
• 1 dragon fang
• 1/2 shark fin
• 6oz panda dung
• 2 puppy thighs
• 3oz garlic
• water

Oh, Eric! Everyone knows that Chinese people don’t really eat dragon fangs. Honestly, a more Chinese soup is this:

• chicken bones
• ginger
• water

Boil the fuck out of it. Usually used as a substitute for dessert.
* You may replace a turtle in lieu of chicken bones

2 puppy thighs: this both makes me want to giggle and cringe. I clearly am quite crazy and it took this entry to make me finally realize it. I’m going to go stand in the corner now for being so evil.

Sweet…nourishing…panda dung

don’t forget the cabbage. that damn cabbage smell.

Our local Chinese take-out place does a great deep-fried Panda dung!

Patricia -

Don’t worry, they don’t kill the puppies. They just remove their thighs.

Gosh Ernie, you seem to be heavily into the f word at the moment. Could this indicate a certain pissedoffness?
Also what you describe seems more like a broth than a soup. I presume the turtle goes into the boiling water alive. Like lobster do they scream?
Mmmm delicious

Don’t forget about the preserved tofu. And the green onions. And the kitten tongues. It ain’t the same without kitten tongues.

Seriously, though, if you actually do need a recipe for a Chinese soup, I happen to have one that is remarkably similar to the “add ginger, boil the fuck out of it” version. But adds a lot more and is reportedly good for women who are going through “that time of the month.”

[...] The Big Chunk Chicken Noodle Soup. It’s broth based and it only has two things in it: noodles and chicken. You know this is the cheapest soup for them to make (boil the fuck out of a chicken, add noodles, make profit) and yet there is always a huge line of Chinese people, fighting over the soup - it’s like it’s laced with opium or something. [...]

does anyone where I can get ‘rhino horn’?? living in Melbourne, Australia