little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

i don’t even know what a state controller is

I’m still on hiatus.

But in the meantime, it’s California election season, and I’ve been fairly disgusted with all of the negative campaigning that’s been going in the gubernatorial race between Steve Westly and Phil Angelides. “Westly promised no negative campaigns!” “Angelides started it! And he’s corrupt!” “Westly is more corrupt!” “Angelides hosts MySpace orgies with thirteen year old girls!” “At least they’re girls!”

I’m so over it that it’s not even funny. Sure, I have my issues that are near and dear to my heart, but if someone asks me what political party I am, I just tell them I’m in the “Apathetic Asian.” Instead of a donkey or an elephant, our political mascot is a fucking report card littered with Straight A’s.

One political commercial that I HAVE taken notice of is John Chiang for State Controller. I have taken notice, of course, because the dude is Asian, and because his political commercials are totally awesome: John Chiang, talking to underage minority school children! John Chiang, looking at the scenic Marin headlines! John Chiang, slamming a law book SHUT! YEAH, SLAM that fucking law book shut, John Chiang!

But I’ll be honest: I don’t even know what a State Controller is. It probably has to do with accounting of some sort (since you’re controlling, uhm, something) and thus, he is good at math. And thus, in my head, the political commercials I see on television run something like this:

Announcer: John Chiang, Mathlete from seventh through ninth grade!
(Camera cuts to a class full of seventh graders. John Chiang is in a three-piece suit.)
Announcer: John Chiang graduated 4th in his class at Alhambra High School with a 4.1 GPA!
(Camera cuts to John Chiang recieving his high school diploma, then dramatically turning his head towards the camera.)
Announcer: John Chiang is good at math; doesn’t HE deserve to be YOUR California State Controller? (This has been paid for by John Chiang for State Controller)

And of course, and ad like this is just crying for its negative political-ad counterpart.

Voice of a psuedo-concerned white woman from suburbs: John Chiang wants to be your State controller. What does HIS OWN MOTHER think about this?
Mother of John Chiang: Ai-ya, so I tell him, “JOHN, why you no become doctor? Mrs. Wu’s daughter Jenny is doctor. Why not you? And he just shake his head and sigh.”
Disembodied voice: And what about his college education?
Mother of John Chiang: And Mrs. Wu daughter, SHE go to Yale! John go to University South Florida. WHO GO TO SOUTH FLORIDA FOR SCHOOL?! For Disneyland, maybe. NOT SCHOOL!”
Disembodied voice: If Mrs. Wu’s daughter Jenny can be a doctor at Yale, can you REALLY trust John Chiang as your State Controller? (This has been paid for by Concerned Citizens Against John Chiang for State Controller)

That is all. (Oh yeah - one more thing. For those of you in the San Francisco Bay Area, I’ll be doing a guest host spot on Queer Channel Radio this Sunday from 7-9pm. Expect a lot of stuttering and dead air on my part.)

LOL…You’v still got “it”

I only just discovered this site and it turns out you are on “hiatus”… just my luck….

Great post Ern!

John Chiang for State Mathlete!

please come back from your hiatus! i’ll give you a penny.. uuuhhh shinny penny.. NO, you can’t have it! It’s mine! Wahahahahaha!!!

oh yeah, great post by the way

So glad you’re (not) back.

this was pretty damn hilarious, maybe because i’ve noticed the same things (no negative/yes negative campaigning, and john’s distinctive ad).

anyway, just delurking to say: know that when you feel like blogging, hiatus or not, there are people eager for teh funny from you.

Obviously, my Political Science class was highly useful because I can’t seem to recall what a State Controller does either, although I once had to write a mini-essay on it.

My favorite part of John Chiang’s commercials *is* when he dramatically slams that law book shut and looks angry. My snarky side is thinking, “I bet he’s really just angry because he thought he would never have to deal with that book again after he graduated.”

I can *guarantee* you that you will see the ‘Mrs. Wu’s daughter’ commercial come to light if we ever have an Asian run for president. (I wonder which way the Apathetic Asian party will swing on that one?)

hahahaha. So this is what I miss by not having a TV. I’ll take your occasional column on hiatus over those attack ads any day.

LOL! That’s so funny! I regularly watch the West Wing’s last series where they had the mock presidential campaigns. I always imagine what would happen if they had a Chinese guy instead of a Latino guy running for president on that show. They would probably include your political ad on that show!

There should be a counter-campaign against overbearing, Chinese mothers who enforce the learning of “real” academics and rice bowl haircuts. Result: emasculated, social retards who can’t catch the clap in a whorehouse.

Its a stepping stone to Governor! Just ask Steve Westly (current state controller).

I *HATE* Mrs. Wu’s daughter, Jenny. What a ho.

John Chiang won!

You’re too funny. Yes, I was a mathlete but in high school. And my mom does want me to be a doctor.

yes, the election was depressing, especially since the democratic candidates for the governor’s office didnt look that promising. i think the only real good news after 6/6/06 is that the federal marriage amendment act got shot down again! woot!

Thumbs up.

Wonderfully witty post as usual!