That Asian Chick on Survivor
I think I speak for Asian-Americans everywhere when I say this: HOLY FUCKING CRAP, THEY FINALLY PUT AN ASIAN PERSON ON SURVIVOR! For a minute, I figured that Survivor contestants represented a cross-section of the United States, and we simply didn’t exist. Some thoughts:
- She has no chance of winning. Not even slightly. Yes, I’m going to cheer her on, but remember the token Latina girl out of the whole series? She came out a weepy, dehydrated mess out of this. Poor girl is gonna be eaten alive out there. After all, everyone knows that Asian people only win at The Mole.
- Reading her bio: Of course she went to UC Berkeley. Of course. However, this also means she is probably my friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s ex-roommate’s friend. Does anyone out there know her? How much money do you want to bet that she has a Rice Bowl Journal?
- Reading more of her bio: “she became a state champion speech and debate competitor during high school. In her spare time, she also raised a prize-winning sheep for Future Farmers of America.” Can you imagine?
Shii-An’s Mom: “SHIII-ANNN!! I TOLD YOU TO COME INSIDE, STUDY FOR S-A-T! WHY YOU OUTSIDE ALL DAY, PLAYING WITH SHEEP?”
Shii-An: “Mom… leave Fluffy alone!”(…two weeks later…)
Shii-An: “Mom? Where’s Fluffy?”
Shii-An’s Mom: “Uhhhh… she run away. Quick, eat your lamb stew. It getting cold.”
(Shii-An, if you ever read this, e-mail me. I’m awesome at interviewing Asian reality gameshow contestants.)
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