Jen is not Rosie O’Donnell
Jen (AKA “the close friend from college,” AKA “the roommate’s girlfriend”) just got back from Thailand an hour ago.
Ernie: Jen! How was your trip to Thailand?
Jen: Remember our plan to go on a diet before my trip? We’re gonna do it. We need to go on a diet.
Ernie: Uh-oh. What happened?
Jen: I didn’t buy any clothes for myself. None of the clothes fit.
Ernie: Oh sweetie, that’s not a big deal at—
Jen: SOMEONE CALLED ME ROSIE O’ DONNELL.
Ernie: Ohmygod.
Jen: DO I LOOK LIKE ROSIE O’ DONNELL? AM I REALLY THAT BIG? DO I LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN?
Ernie: Uhmm… well, I don’t think Rosie is Filipino.(Jen pushes Ernie off the third story balcony.)
Remember kids, it’s not a diet — it’s a “lifestyle change.”
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