I just came back from the Kelly Clarkson concert with TJ. Here are some notes.
- There are certain types of people that go to Kelly Clarkson show in the Bay Area: Really, REALLY gay men, eleven year old girls wearing t-shirts with adorable iron-on photos of Kelly, with words like “KELLY ROCKS” drawn in puffy paint, drunk women in their early 30′s wearing ironic cowboy hats and tube tops. (And of course, there is me, someone who can appreciate a good pop concert, American Idol watching non-withstanding, of course.)
- Dear homeboy doing your thug-life stroll with a beer in your hand trying to look all hard: YOU’RE AT A KELLY CLARKSON CONCERT.
- The two guys sitting next to us were older queens in their mid to late 30′s. They were double fisting cosmo’s in each hand and talked too-loud about how it was going to be like the Madonna concert and how they wished Kelly had a section “for the bois.” And while this conversation would be apropo for a Madonna concert, the fact that they were gushing and being fabulous while sitting next to two Filipino eight year olds just made everything A-OK in my book.
- The woman sitting in back of us was telling her friend that two girls in front of her got into a catfight while ordering her diet coke. A part of me wishes it was a bigger fight, so Dennis Richmond from the 10 o’clock news could say the sentence, “tragedy struck Mountain View tonight as rioting broke out inside the Kelly Clarkson concert.” There would be video of 10 year olds beating each other with lawn chairs and older gay men throwing hissy fits because someone spilled a cocktail on their Prada shoes. That would rock.
- While a big part of the show was people watching, make no mistake: Kelly Clarkson can sing, and she can sing really well. There’s absolutely no Ashley Simpson-esque about Kelly Clarkson – no costume changes, no dance numbers, just some excellent singing.
- And of course, the absolute highlight of the evening. So, the two queens next to us get up and get drinks – “it’s from her new album, that’s the best time to get drinks, right?” And we’re in Section 201, behind the disabled seats – not the farthest seats back, but obviously not front row tickets, either. What we didn’t know is that Kelly does two songs in the middle of audience, and she comes up NO LESS THAN TEN FEET AWAY FROM US. Seriously, an arms length away. Suddenly, a mass of screaming teenagers and kids with eager parents and gays are running up, jumping over rows of chains, all for a chance to see Kelly Clarkson up close and personal. And the two gays next to us missed their chance, because they were out getting more cosmos. Which is too bad. But hysterical.
So yeah, it was a good night. That is all.
I’m not sure how I feel about your use of the term “older queens” to refer to guys in their mid- to late-30s. You made me feel like I should go buy a walker. And a cosmo.
- your biggest 40-year old fan
“Really, REALLY gay men” It’s good to know Ernie is only a tad gay and not really, REALLY gay.
Sucks, she’s not going to Southern CA… bleh.
Dude, those “older queens” were at least 40. And they are everything I aspire to be: fabulous and bitchy.
I was going to post about how I’m apparently 3 years from being an ‘older queen’ but someone else beat me to it.
Someone get me a cosmo.
I can just picture that guy with the thug appeal rocking to Kelly Clarkson. Hilarious!
Can a straight guy appreciate a good cosmo?
That’s a strange why to describe gay men ..
I stumbled across your blog while I was doing some online research. From what I’ve heard from various people I know, Kelly appeals to all different demographics because, as you pointed out, the girl really has talent. She’s amazing!
OLDER?! Mid-to-late 30s? OLDER?!?!?!
Geez! Ernie!
Oh, you’re going to get such a spanking, young man!
I wanted to go to that show to see the opening act Rooney (who I’ve seen before) but even the lawn seats were too expensive for me. Your discrption of the Kelly concert sounds like a combo of the Madonna and Teddy Gieger shows I saw a few months back: Gay guys with big mouths, parents with beer, and little girls with signs EVERYWHERE.
Hmm… cosmos and a pop concert. That is very appealing to me.
A Kelly Clarkson concert? i mean, how GAY is that?
Or i should say it was a much hilarious night.loved
I don’t know what it is; I just don’t get her. Yawn. To each his own, right? If someone took me, I would definitely be in Margarita Ville. Or Cosmo Country. I’d rather hear Fantasia; at least all that screaming would keep me awake!
Ernie,
Sometimes you scare me.
wow. what a well laid out piece. you have true comic timingā€¦and in print! i found my smiles chuckling and my laughter just plain freaking out. thanks.
When I went to Kelly Clarkson it was sold out. So we had to buy scalper tickets. A tip: buy tickets for the upper row, then you can just muscle past the 12 year old girls in the front.
And the dempgraphic breakdown isn’t just the Bay; it’s nationwide. Pre-teen girls, and gay men. All screaming.
OMG that’s how it was at the Kelly Clarkson concert i went to in Dallas! all those types of people. amazing.
“The two guys sitting next to us were older queens in their mid to late 30′s.” Um, Ern, you’re almost in that age range. But it’s good to know that Kelly still rocks.
I will continue to visit enjoyed the reading thanks
Hmmm… : )
If all of you guys are Queens, then I am the Empress of the World – actually I’m the Empress, period.
Great post!
Talking about questionable content, waht do you guys think of this?:
“Bug Chasing”: the Shocking Quest to Become HIV-Positive
http://www.orato.com/node/660
Hey Ernie,
This isn’t really related to the post but I didn’t know how else to get you the info…
So, I’m a long time reader and have exchanged notes with you once or twice a million years ago (quick, get that part in before he shrugs this off as just another fawning attempt to get him to “link” or something…!) anyhoo, it seems like you have a few cool gal friends who might enjoy knowing about/compiling something for this contest we’re having at my work. Check it out here:
http://www.goodvibes.com/Content–Care-Package-Contest-Page–id-1866.html
please feel free to distribute the info if you feel it’s appropriate. Also, this contest is by no means restricted to girls if you yourself feel the urge to put together a little sumptin-sumptin…. thanks in advance and if the mood strikes you and you feel like including a mention on your blog, I’m not gonna be mad. ;-]
-Cyn
“They were double fisting cosmo’s in each hand…”
Er, so that’s four cosmos? Hard core.