little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

land of camo capri pants

Back from a weekend trip to Southern California. The trip was a nice little way to get away before a bunch of job interviews, freelance proposals and general life stresses coming this week.

(But if I never see a pair of camouflage capri pants again, it will be too damn soon.)

Another interesting thing happened down in Los Angeles — being an extra in my friend Todd’s movie on a whim, and taking my friends Nik and Vicki with me. Some thoughts on that:

• When Todd mentioned that he was directing a movie, I had this vision of him standing shirtless in front of a mirror with a digital video camera in his hand. “I AM THE EPITOME OF PAIN AND SORROW,” he would declare, tears streaming down his face, the black and white image flickering at the 2nd Annual Santa Cruz Goth Festival.

  And then afterwards, like, the dozen people watching would just cut themselves instead of applauding.

  So imagine my surprise when I walked onto an actual movie set, with film cameras and lighting guys and those metal tracks they put on the ground so the cameras can go back and forth without looking like the Blair Witch project. Oh yeah, and good looking actors and actresses as well. (Fun fact: everyone in Los Angeles really is an aspiring movie star, hosting at The Cheesecake Factory until their big break.)

• Some of the film crew was nicer people than, uhm, others.

  TODD, THE DIRECTOR: Okay, we need to record about a minute of ambient noise for the coffeehouse scene. Just make normal conversation - Ernie, you talk to actor who doesn’t actually have dialogue in the film but I specifically cast just to be “eye candy.” And… action!
  EYE CANDY: Hey, what’s up.
  ERNIE: Hey, how goes?
  EYE CANDY: So, you’re an extra, huh? Friend of Todds?
  ERNIE: Yeah, I’m from the Bay Area just down here with some friends of mine… how about you?
  EYE CANDY: Actually, I’m from Oklahoma. Trying to make a name for myself, so I found out about these auditions on a website, so I…
  TODD: and… CUT!

  (Eye candy guy suddenly stops in mid-sentence, breaks eye contact and leaves the set, like he was taking a class in “Awkward Improv Dialogue with Asian People 101.”)

  ERNIE: Uhhh… hrm.

  Later, I’m telling this story to someone I met earlier in the day, the girl who does make-up for the film.

  MAKE-UP GIRL: You know what? That Eye Candy guy says he has a girlfriend, but he does something that sets off the gaydar.
  ERNIE: Yeah? Like what?
  MAKE-UP GIRL: I was going on a Starbucks run and he asked me to buy him a venti, sugar-free, decaf vanilla latte. SUGAR FREE, for the love of god.
  ERNIE: If that’s not homosexual, I don’t know what is.

Behold the pinnacle of intelligence bestowed to us by modern society. Okay, I suppose she *was* just a make-up girl, but…

Oh LA… Watch the non-stop parade of dillusion.

Now, Ernie, about this “movie”… would it be the type that one needs to make sure the kids don’t see? Perhaps one that gets hidden in a sock drawer or under the bed? You know, something with very little dialogue, unless moans and grunts count?

Sadly, I work for a Starbucks and we dubbed that exact drink the “Calista Flockhart”.

it’s been too long since i heard the word “gaydar”.

You better let me know when you’re in L.A. again, mister!!!!

Whatcha doin’ the weekend of Sept. 27th?

We’ll be THERE!

My friend Eddie went to LA.

Ernie..this is too funny. Oh year “sugar-free” was a dead give away. Maybe the guy is a diabetic–did she think about that?

So you were an extra… riiiight. So can we call you Mr. Fluffer now?

Diabetics aren’t homosexual?

It may just be me, but shouldn’t it have been a venti, sugar-free, SKINNY, decaf vanilla latte?

ok. this is apropos of nothing and someone probably has already mentioned it to you .. but i just noticed that you’re listed on earthlink’s create your own blog page. yours is an example of ‘great blogs’.

http://start.earthlink.net/channel/BLOGGING/

just thought i’d share.

The line about aspiring actors hosting at Cheesecake Factory is hilarious!! so true, so true.

Hey Knee Guy,

Thanks again for helping out.

-Todd

Holy poop on a stick, Batman!

Hey, Ernie, Patricia is right. There you are as one of the “great blogs”. I’m impressed and honored to know you!

oh. well never mind. i should have taken a better look at your mini-blog. uhm. yeah. would you believe that i didn’t have my reading glasses on at the time?

yeah. me neither. my bad. *ahem*

Umm, What’s a venti?

And you didn’t call for us to do lunch while you were down here?!?!?!

Hey Ernie! I had fun at dinner and chillin’ at the fobulicious cafe with you guys. You’re hilarious Maybe you should come back for some “Pho and Biscuits” at the Vietnamese “Popeye’s”. hehe

Venti means “20″ in Italian … or it’s the Starbucks way of saying “large”. (It’s a 20 oz. cup)

the actor is one of those guys that we call a metrosexual. one that is straight but so in touch with the city’s latest trendy he seems gay.

*cries onto her camo capris*

One might hope that because the capri pants are camouflage, you won’t see them at all ….

Thanks C.J., you learn something new every day. Nice blog.

he must be faux-mosexual.

eeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

We metrosexuals are being discriminated because of our appeal and good sense! Well, I won’t even go to Starbucks, though. Too corporate, you know.

You know how the SF Macy’s has all of the *now* fashions right there when you walk in? It was all camo and faux-military stuff. I thought it was hideously ugly, but that is fashion for you.

I suppose I should have expected it, everyone was dressed in camo shit in Rome and Paris when I was there this past May. Europe is always several months ahead of us.

In about 6 months it will catch on in Texas and the rest of us will be laughing because it is so five minutes ago

i enjoyed reading your blog. keep it up.