little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

Live-blogging Amy Grant’s “Say You’ll Be Mine”

While I was having dinner with my new employers, I also admitted to being a fan of Contemporary Christian artist Amy Grant back in 1991. (There are more blog posts that exist about it sitting on my hard drive; maybe one day.) This still strikes some people as, uhm, “unusual,” so for no other reason than the fact that I’m at work relatively late and on a sugar high from a diet coke and three chocolate chip cookies, I’ve decided to live-blog Amy Grant’s video to her single that never made it to radio, “Say You’ll Be Mine.”

Her video, and my commentary, after the jump.

00:12: The stage is set: man and a woman leave their car to have a responsible Christian conversation between adults that absolutely, positively, will NOT end up in a total make-out session. Also, for no apparent reason, Amy Grant is, like, three inches tall.

00:36: By now, it’s known that there are thousands - THOUSANDS - of Amy Grants. Amy Grants frolicking in the grass, Amy Grant’s dancing around pebbles. Kind of like wood nymphs, except conservative Christians don’t believe in nudity, so the wood nymphs are wearing a sensible Oxford shirt.

01:17: Christ, it’s barely a minute into the song and there’s already a key change? How many modulations ARE there in this song?

02:19: Wow. For a woman, she kinda runs like a gay man, don’t you think? Note that up to this point, there hasn’t been one SHRED of affection between the man and the woman in the video. For all we know, they’re talking about they’re talking about genocide in Rwanda or mutual funds or something morbid and serious…

02:31: …until NOW. RIDE ‘IM, COWGIRL! WHOO!

02:46: NO, AMY GRANT, NOOOOOOOOO! (Director: “Amy, I know it’s tough because you’re in front of a blue screen, but can you act like you’re avoiding being stepped on by a 100-foot woman? If it’ll help with the acting, it will be a woman minutes before she’s going to have pre-marital sex.”)

02:57: Oh, no. Here we go… here’s where the flood of angry members of Focus On the Family is going to start a mass boycott of all Amy Grant songs, videos, merchandising and concerts. Good-bye, promotion with Target. Goodbye, inspirational show called “Three Wishes” that briefly aired on NBC.

03:23: It should be said that at this point in the video, they’ve kissed around six or seven times. And growing up in the church, we all know that kissing gets you pregnant so she’s totally knocked up by now. Serves that heathen right.

03:28: No pillow talk. What a whore.

03:54: Oh damn, the video is practically over and I didn’t even realize that she was sporting white Adidases. Which totally MATCH her summer dress, by the way.

And her dancing… my god, the dancing!

Man, nothing spoils a conservatively romantic picnic like a swarm of (amygr)ants.

Am I the only one that really, really wanted some Tiny Amy carnage? It first hit me when the man was spreading out the blanket. I wanted him to accidently smash Amy, look at his hand, and then wipe it off on his acid-washed, peg-legged 80 jeans.

Wow - memories. I actually went to an Amy Grant concert as a kid back in the mid 80s. I remember this song, though I’d never seen the video, not having cable or anything like that. Wow, sappy christian pop.

And the sneakers and summer dress look should have blindsided you much earlier! But apparently you were busy marveling at the piggy-back ride at the time.

I also love the way the girl looks not at all happy in any way in the closing shots of the video - that’s good, Catholic, most semi-sexual activity guilt if I ever saw it!

With the sound off, it kind of reminds me of a Valtrex commercial. Picnicking, kissing and praising the Lord? Yes, you CAN.

*snerk*

Hey Ernie, have you see the list of Gay Bands up on some Christian site? Your expert opinion — how many of those people are really gay?

http://lovegodsway.org/GayBands

I’m not kidding. After I finished laughing, I realized this is SERIOUS.

Nickelback? Totally gay.

That wasn’t the best part about that list though. The best part was Elton John being mentioned twice, the second time as “Elton John(really gay)”. No waaaaaay. Really? I couldn’t tell.

Is it just me or does this video seems sort of homoerotic? You never see the guy’s face, and there are lots of close ups of Amy Grant and the girl’s face. Also Amy Grant sings about “waiting as long as it takes to make you mine” or something like this. My impression was that this was some sort of strange love triangle.

Well, between two normal sized people, and one very tiny lady.

Sherry, I just want you to know that the link you posted is the best website on the net, ever. EVER.

I was kind of waiting for Rick Moranis with magnifying glass in hand, harnessed to some rope between trees, to make a cameo appearance. And the shrunken kids riding by on “Anty” would have been the icing on the cake.

Jesus, this is horrible. I even think she has a great voice, but this makes me want to hate her. And it’s so squeaky-clean that it makes me want to do something nasty immediately.

This is what happens when the ungodly mess with God’s Will for Mankind by allowing intelligence and science to run rampant: mini Amy Grant clones… VILE! DAMNABLE! CLONES! you will notice that the nice CHRISTAIN couple (please note that in one shot she DOES have a ring on her finger!) will NOT get to consumate their relationship as God intends in this video, possibly because of the irritating Grant infestation in the grass… I guess Amy Grant IS the anti-Christ!

:::
ok, I’m better now.

I have to say, I do like Amy’s voice, and I have a collection of Christian music I’m actually quite fond of. I even remember when this song and video were brand new. BUT… this is WAY to squeaky clean. I wouldn’t want my kids to get ahold of something like this!

Didja notice the woman was wearing leggings under her ankle-length skirt? The 80’s version of the chastity belt.

Even Amy herself said “What was I thinking?!” about this video. LOL Good to know she’s more real & down-to-earth than this.