Tonight, I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of my friends Chris and Melanie, as well as emceeing their wedding reception with my friend Mark. It was a Filipino Catholic wedding, something I don’t have much familiarity with as I’m Chinese and grew up Presbyterian. From what I gathered, all Filipino Catholic weddings require 20 Primary Sponsors, 10 Secondary Sponsors as well as unique members of the wedding party that carry veils, ropes and coins.
I’d make a catty joke here about how the wedding party were planning on killing Professor Plum in the Parlor room after the ceremony, but that would probably be inappropriate. That and, well, I’m already going to hell as is. I’ll leave the light on for ya.
(The scene: Paris and Ernie politely sit in the pews while everyone else is waiting in line to have communion. Paris has a Filipino girlfriend who grew up Catholic.)
Paris: (whispering) I don’t know if I could do this if I get married, dude. Maybe we could split the ceremony in half; have a Catholic wedding for her, and, I don’t know, a Pagan fire ritual for me.
Ernie: Awesome. I could wear a barong for Jen and set it on fire afterwards. “Great reception, Paris, but who are the lesbians making out by the bonfire?”
Paris: “… oh, that’s the minister.”
Ernie: Nice.
The reception went well, I think. When the program got slow, like when people were waiting for a slideshow to be set up, Mark and I would go into a, uhm, spirited rendition of the theme from The Love Boat. It kept people occupied and I thought it went off well, until literally the last minutes of the night saying good-bye to the groom’s mother:
Groom’s mother, a delightful Filipino woman: You two, you sung very well.
Mark and I: Oh, thank you. We were just doing our job.
Groom’s mother: (turning to Ernie) … and people were saying to me, “Oh, it’s William Hung on stage…”
Ernie: …
Groom’s mother: “…but with more weight!”
Ernie: …
Groom’s mother: And I said to them, no no, he sing much better than William Hung. You did very very good!
Ernie: …
Groom’s mother: Okay, good night! (walks away)
Ernie: …
Groom: You alright, bro? You’re lookin a little pale.
Ernie: …
Good on you William. (Heh heh!). Left you kind of speechless. You should have smiled and said “I have had no professional training”>
Priceless, just priceless. I’m sure the groom’s mom meant well though.
Oh dear. I hope you’re not scarred for life.
William Hung sure sounds like a pornstar’s name eh Ernie : P
But did it have a chocolate fountain? The last Filipino wedding I went to had one.
And that is SO my mom.
ernie: “i already gave my best, and i have no regrets at all.”
classic man. damn filipino weddings and their electric slides.
/filipino and guilty as charged.
I had a season of weddings to go to, so I thought I’d better spend $200 on a new suit, made of linen, to keep me cool during those hot summer months.
At the first wedding, the groom’s mother takes one look at me and declares “Very nice … very colonial!”
I’ve known Ernie and Mark for over 10 years. When they started “The Love Boat” at the wedding reception, I was a bit horrified that I knew almost all the words to the song. I think we sang that a little too often in college. Just another example of what winners we were at Davis.
Oh man though, I’m going to be giggling about William Hung all day.
BTW Ern, Victoria’s husband’s name is Howard.
Tell the groom’s mother that she’s retaining water. That, Mr. Alpha Geek, should scar her.
ouch…
You could have told her that you are his brother “Well.”
Nice blog.I like this site.
Nick
http://www.yahoo.com
Ernie that is hysterical.
you seem to take a lot of abuse from older asian women.
Next time just tell them that their husband is sleeping with the maid.
Forever ago I sent you an IRC conversation of me linking to a picture of you and someone thinking you were William Hung. With this additional story, I’m sorry I sent it to you.
I think you are adorable.
WAHAHAH! You sure got the Filipino wedding right… and I LOVE The Love Boat theme. Do you do personal appearances?