little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

“ünbøring,” or “how i managed to offend swedes and conservatives in one post”

Every other weekend or so, my friend - let’s call him “D” for sake of anonymity - spends the night at our place. You see, every so often his roomate throws bisexual sex parties in his apartment, and things get awkward. Sometimes it can be inconvenient stepping over a threesome while you’re washing dishes or side-stepping the giant sling while returning from the laundromat. You know how it is.

“You know,” I said to him, “you have just as much of a right to the apartment as he does.”

“Yeah,” he says. “But he pays more rent than I do.” And that was that.

Hey, who am I to argue? At least it makes for some entertaining conversations over dinner.

D: So, my roommate installed a gloryhole in his bedroom closet door.

You know, that sentence uttered anywhere else in the country would send people running to their local confessional booth. Our house though, we don’t even bat an eye. Welcome to California. Anyway…

Ernie: A gloryhole. In the closet. So you’re watching TV and all you hear are these drilling noises, like it’s no big deal?
D: Something like that.
Paris, the roommate: Wouldn’t, uhm, splinters be an issue?
D: Naaah, the door isn’t too thick; it was bought at IKEA.
Ernie & Paris: …
Paris: What was the door called? BLOJAAB?
Ernie: You need an umlaut over the A’s. BLOJÄÄB.
D: Okay guys, I get the joke.
Paris: Don’t forget the slash over the O so it’s BLØJÄÄB!
Ernie: Personally I find the name KØKSÜCKIR much more…
D: Stop it.

Now, many of you will feel bad for the perfectly good closet door with a hole drilled through it so a penis can be put through the orifice. That’s because you’re crazy - it’s a door. It has no feelings. Besides, the new one is much nicer.

Heh. KØKSÜCKIR!

I’m impressed you guys were able to figure out how you were spelling things while talking!

your entries are amusing. meant that in a good way though.

As a Norwegian who understands Swedish pretty well I can’t help but point out that a slightly modified KØKSÜCKIR would be KÖKSOCKER - an actual Swedish word with no meaning whatsoever. But if you’re so inclined: “kitchen sugar”.

Best post ever.

In the interest of educating the masses I feel I should point out that we Swedes don’t use the characters Ø and Ü. We do have an Å though, that you’re welcome to use..

And a gloryhole in a closet door? Amazing!

What I want to know is, who stands where? Would the, uh, recipient be standing inside or outside the closet?

I would think the KØKSÜCKIR would be inside the closet… altho that may limit head movement

what is a ‘conversative’?

I love that the Swedes are correcting your spelling/grammar! That rocks!

Why would I feel bad for the door? At least it’s getting some action… more than the lamp can say.

Holy crap, I laughed my ass off. (you’ll be paying for my new jeans).

Fuck the swedes. They should still be apologizing for unleashing Red Nex, Ace of Base and Jakob Nielson on the world. But on the other hand they did give us ABBA and fondue.

Sadly, fondue comes from that other Sw- country, Switzerland. So, we’re down to ABBA, unless we decide in favor of Volvos.

I’ll never feel quite the same while shopping for TV trays and candleholders. Heh, I said ‘candleholders.’

so, did they paint a moustache over the hole? i think it should be a giant handlebar moustache. better yet, instead of painting, just have actual bristles.

Aww, man, that made me laugh out loud!!

The zipper was invented by a Swede. Very handy when one wants to use a gloryhole I imagine…

As a swede, I feel I should point out that you aren’t *too* far off with KØKSÜCKIR… “Kuksugare” would be correct. Although, that doesn’t have Å, Ä or Ö in it, sadly.

And… hmm… I think we actually do call ‘em gloryholes here, too. Pity someone at the Swedish Institute of Language hasn’t come up with some cool, dotted, translation yet.

You’d think we’d be open-minded enough to have an official translation for gloryholes

I have a very simple solution. D can have my apartment and my girlfriend and I will move in with his roommate.

I see that in my previous comment I typed an ambiguous sentence. It should have read:

“D can have my apartment. My girlfriend and I will then move in with his roommate.”

Thank you for your attention. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Wait….since when does IKEA sell closet doors?

There is a gay joke in there somewhere…I just know it!

LoL:) Great post for my first time coming across your Blog. I’ll be back for sure.

I’m just trying to understand why, exactly, he would put a gloryhole in his bedroom closet door? Can someone explain that?

Because the coat closet didn’t work out?

As a (half) Swede (born in Canada), I should point out that I am not offended. That’s hilarious =)

uhh kayyy.

i can always count on you for an entertaining post..

jaja

Good lord! That just made my day.

Best comment thread ever.

Bonus bit for the original Survivorblog gang: Wait! Does this count as “frekar nasty?”

“Sometimes it can be inconvenient stepping over a threesome while you’re washing dishes…”

Hmm, actually that might be kind of interesting — I noticed you said “sometimes” :). What *would* be inconvenient is happily washing dishes and picking up used sex toys someone had casually thrown in the sink to be cleaned.

Drew, your first comment was not ambiguous at all; I took it as:
“D can have my apartment and my girlfriend”
and
“I will move in with his roommate.”

Damn. We try to keep you people in the closet and you just drill holes in the door.

Am I the only one that still feels bad for the lamp? (I don’t feel bad for the door, though. It’s still inside.)

“…my apartment and my girlfriend, and I…”

vs.

“…my apartment, and my girlfriend and I…”

demonstrate the importance of Proper Use of Commas.

See, you don’t have to turn to Swedish to geek out over typography…

IKEA humor is better than sex!

Quite the conversation piece at parties, the sleek and innovative BLØHØLE is sure to keep your guests coming back for more. The KØKSÜCKIR sits inside the closet on his / her knees… the BLØJÄÄBARE (the blow job recipient) stands outside, pressed against the door and holds onto the knob, (not HIS knob - that’s taken care of) the doorknob, for support. http://www.geocities.com/mojo_sf/gloryhole.jpg

By the way folks, that jpg file that mojoboy posted is an adult link.

Hooray for sex-party guy writing comments on my weblog! This is getting way too bizarre [in a good way].

For the faint of heart, I changed the pic out… far less fun, but you still get the point!
The BLØHØLE

I need to move to California.

So … instead of it being your night in the barrel, it’s your night in the closet.

blowjaab is now the new name of my danish ska band.

That’s a lotta room for glory.

Or perhaps I should say a lotta glory for the room.

Depends on who’s on what side of the door.

Boring. I put gloryholes in all my kitchen cabinets.

Wow, Ernie. Hilarious. Tell D he can move in with me but he’ll have to move to Austin.

oh my god, i havn’t laughed that hard in a long, long time. thanks ernie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and to think getting OUT of the closet is such a huge step for most.

heh, i’m thinking that a new fetish room at IKEA might make me rethink shopping at their store.

though i’m kinda wondering about the instruction manuals that would go with the sex swings and glory holes. insert rod A into hole B.

that was the funniest freakin’ thing I’ve ever read! I thought I was the only one who hated stepping over a guy on guy on guy on girl mess of flailing appendages, but I’m so glad to finally realize that I’m not alone…

I just noticed on the credits for the IKEA ad that the copywriter was Ari Merkin.
Aren’t all merkins ‘airy??

hmm, gloryhole, that’ll be my new word for today, thanks!

just stumbled a-x your site… feeling lucky at gooooooogle… still laughing at your posts when i started reading the threads that resulted. So, if drew wants to move in with the friend’s roommate, I’d be willing to let his g-friend stay at mine… sorry, I’m a bit of a stickler for grammar…
And, i recommend using the yellow (from the purple and combo) with the olive green (from the eddie bauer (sp?) combo) and if you feel like mixing it up, throw in a dash of the orange. see, the thing about being a str8 single guy, is that I’ve accumulated enough bits of advice from women the i’ve dated to at least come close to the taste of gay man. Hey, I’m trying…

Wow, you already did the closet jokes.

Hey Anne,
How do you say “gloryhole” in cockney?

anne @ I said “cockney”-hehehe wrote….

Posted by: the mighty jimbo at March 6, 2004 04:04 PM wrote: “though i’m kinda wondering about the instruction manuals that would go with the sex swings and glory holes. insert rod A into hole B.”

Nah, Most everything comes from China or Japan. Take a moment and think how the instruction booklet would read in English as composed by the Chinese or Japanese manufacturer.

Hey Ernie, check out this link!
http://www.ikea-usa.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=12&langId=-1&catalogId=10101&productId=25613

Interesting information on this blog, thanks