little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

nothing and everything

So, if I am to believe my mother in her frantic cellphone call tonight, my parent’s divorce became final as of this afternoon.

Now, I love my mother; of course I love my mother. But I also get my gift of exaggeration from her, so she might be stretching the truth - something tells me she’s not, however. Her previous warnings that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce - always pronounced in English, so I understand the gravity of the statement - were always in future tense. Tonight, the divorce was in past tense. Dee-vor-sse.

As for my father: he has requested me to not talk about him or his character on this weblog anymore. I will respect his wishes.

I don’t need sympathy because it’s been a long time coming, I suppose; they’ve fought since I was a little kid, screaming matches that as a kid would have me burst into tears, run to my bedroom, slam the door and cry into my pillow at age seven, arguments that inspire the awkward but polite “hey there, everything alright?” with the neighbors, fights where the police are called, most likely accompanied by at least one Mandarin speaking officer, furiously translating to all the he-said she-said bullshit. Arguments that have always made me a bit skittish in the course of any conflict at all, stuff that I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life, not to be overly dramatic or anything. But I’m an adult and I have to deal with it.

Nothing has changed from yesterday, really. My parents continue to live apart, I will still go to Mom’s house every Tuesday, and I continue mending the relationship with my Dad.

And although nothing has changed, everything has changed. I guess that’s why there’s a mix of emotions that are difficult for me to decipher right now: relief because a fractured relationship with my parents needed closure, a bit of caution for the unknown, and a bit of shame.

Wait. No. Not shame. I’m not ashamed that my parents got divorced, far from it, thank fucking God that someone was finally able to do something proactive to derail that fucking train to Miseryville. If anything, I’m ashamed that our family had to break the notions of the typical Chinese family. The good Chinese family doesn’t end in divorce.

Of course, the good Chinese family doesn’t have a gay son or a mentally disabled daughter, either.

—

Coincidentally, my drivers license came today with a new photograph. The picture of my old drivers license was literally ten years old, a nineteen year old college student with a double-chin, a salad bowl haircut, and a manic, addictive personality, living on his own for the first time and was delighted at the sweet taste of independance and rebellion from strict parental control and feeling I was pretty fucking invincible.

And now I see myself ten years later at age 29, still with that manic, addictive personality, but now a little bit torn and tattered, a little less invincible. I’m learning that life continues no matter how many curveballs are thrown at you, but you deal with it and you have your friends to keep you sane and you begrudgingly wake up to live another day, because what else are you going to do? And of course, I still have that ridiculous haircut, just with a little bit of hair gel to hide the acres of bangs.

Nothing has changed, yet everything has, and will some more.

You reminded me that I still carry around my ten-year old college ID. Just to prove to people I used to have hair.

I feel ya. We gettin’ OLD!

http://jombe.com/blog/2005/11/29/what-a-difference-ten-years-makes/

shame you can’t use that “cockburn” photo instead.

this was very nicely tied together.

I liked this alot.

Things are always changing, and they make us stronger people. You are a stronger person today than you ever have been. Love you, Ern!

Too bad that every family can’t live in denial as deeply as mine. I hope life’s next surprise tastes sweet.

The “good Asian family” doesn’t exist.

My parents finally divorced a few years ago, but they still live together. What’s the difference right? Well, since neither of them work, we (the kids) have to pay for their rent and we can’t afford two places for them to live.

I celebrate my parents divorce now every year. It’s so much more “Real” than their marriage ever was.

sorry to hear that you are going through all this. i’m in the same boat at the moment, though the actual divorce has yet to be in past tense. it’s strange. sometimes feel so apathetic towards it all. other times hurt, frustrated, dunnno hey..

the way both parents talk about each other, words so cold and harsh. you’d think there would be at least some respect, if not reminants of twenty years worth of love. but no, they have both become such strangers to each other, and their kids.

“relief because a fractured relationship with my parents needed closure”

i would dearly love to ditto that. but somehow it feels that i have to be on mum’s side and help mend this irreparable marriage. thats where my shame comes in. wishing for a closure when mum is trying so hard to find a gap she can still squeeze into. to me it seems more like spiteful revenge. shame shame shame. shame at even thinking like that.

sighies…

wish you all the best.

Life’s fulla wonders… sometimes good, sometimes tragic. Hey Ernie, just take great care of yourself, and that’s a true gift to yourself, and to your parents.

xoxo!

Well my parrents got divorced when I was in 4rd grade after along drawn out divorce that lasted two freaking years. I am convinced that every family is crazy and divorce is slightly more crazy.

On the bright side, you have a much better haircut now.

I’ve watched my mother go thru no less than 4 divorces, though probably closer to 6. I dunno, I’ve lost count. It never gets any easier. I always have to repeat what my 4th grade therapist told me: She is the parent, I am the child. And untill she is completely invalid, I will try to stick to that. It’s hard.

We just gotta remember to take care of ourselves first, no matter how much of a mess our family is.

“Everything changes. Nothing changes. The tables turn, and life goes on.”
I think I heard that in a short film on IFC some years ago. It seems fitting.

Life does go on… and how!

You are a good son. They are lucky to have had you and to have you.

My folks divorced when I was 20, and I took it quite poorly. Not that they were divorced, but that it took them so long to do it. Because they dawdled, my entire childhood was full of tension and hide-in-the-bedroom fights. And I resented that for the longest while.

Divorce sucks, no matter how old you are.

Thinking of you.

Life goes on, and things progress. It’s especially good when progress can “derail that fucking train to Miseryville.” Things will get better. *hug*

cute pixes :O)

Life gets easier and easier because as we get older, we fret less and get thrown off balance by events a lot less often. Hang in there. Peace is on the horizon.