Oakland: We Eat Rioters For Breakfast
Wow, so people expect me to write about the Superbowl, huh? Okay, then:
- In all honesty, the rioting in Oakland wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Don’t forget, this is a city where I was ready to have a 100 Homocide party last year. Our official city motto is “It Doesn’t Make Front Page News Unless Somebody Is Dead.” And even then, it probably won’t unless you’re the Xth person to die, where X is an integer divisible by five.†
- In fact, the mayor of Oakland should actually thank the Raiders for losing so badly. Had the Raiders won or even lost by a touchdown, Joe and Jane Raidersfan would have been down by International Avenue as well, torching cars and sacrificing young children to a devil goat god. Hell, I would have. But instead, the Raiders got creamed and everyone was left trying to laugh at the really bad Superbowl commercials this year.
- Do you what happens when VH1 starts calling Shania Twain a diva? She lip-synchs in an outfit that makes her look like she was in the drag queen version of the Matrix. (Hey, it was a gay superbowl party I went to, after all.)
† Did I just make a math reference? Someone should really put me out of my misery.
