On Crisis and Cancer Sticks
There’s been some additional stress in my life lately, with family and work and feelings of inadequacy and general I’m-25-and-unsatisfied-with-life things that all 25 year olds that are unsatisfied with life go through, I guess. I’m not eloquent enough to put those feelings into text. I start typing out words, but they get overruled with thoughts like, “God, get over yourself. You’re such a drama queen.” Or “Yeah. If you want to get fired from work or get another nagging e-mail from Dad, click on that [PUBLISH] icon.” Or the dreaded, “you can’t post that. It’s not funny enough.” (Yeah, I know. But still.)
So, for now, I’ll stick to what I know. One side-effect of all this additional stress has been the fact that I’ve smoked a lot more cigarettes lately. I can easily finish off a pack in a day or two and I remember being able to make my cancer sticks last at least a week, maybe a week and a half.
“Well, enough is enough,” I thought to myself. “I’m gonna buy a nicotine patch.” So off I went to Target during my lunch hour, accompanied by my project manager who was out running general errands. “I’ll start the patch when I finish smoking the rest of my cigarettes. I mean, a box of opened cigarettes is just too much temptation, right?” Right.
This morning, 10am Developers Meeting (Slightly exaggerated)
Project Manager: Ernie, you have any new business?
Ernie: Not really… I’m waiting for the Unit Testing to start and plan on re-configuring the global.asa variables to…
PM: Hey, everyone! Ernie bought a nicotine patch! He’s gonna quit smoking!(10 Engineers gasp as if Ernie just gave birth to a litter of kittens)
Engineer #3: Ernie, didn’t I already see you walking to the smokers lounge twice today?
(Engineers gasp as if said litter of kittens turned into puppies in front of their eyes)
Testing Manager: Does that mean you’re gonna be all moody now?
Engineer #3: What do you mean, now? (High-fives Engineer #4)
Accountability sucks. Is it possible to buy heroin on the internet?
