Tomorrow is the big move to San Francisco. Today was pack day, or at the very least, “pack as much as you can that isn’t tied down” day. As a result, my mother is spending the night, mostly due to a combination of her wanting to help and Asian parental obligation and child obligation to let the parental unit guilt the child into moving far, far away from said parents. If “far, far away” meant, like, a 35 minute drive.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m totally grateful for her being here – I hate packing and moving with every fiber of my soul. The fact that I’ve hired movers to actually do the grunt work for the first time ever says a lot for the fact that I’m willing to pay money out of my pocket to make the moving process that much easier. But packing is a necessary evil, and my Mom, bless her heart, is here to help me out, and crack the whip and constantly brew pots of tea – even if it means having Taiwanese commercials for the SAT in the background and her rummaging through my photographs, wondering if every girl in the photograph could have been “the one.”
That doesn’t mean she’s not driving me crazy. (Mandarin in italics.)
Mom: Why did you throw this away? (Holds up an old shirt that hasn’t been worn since 1997 that was lying in the throwaway pile. It might as well have the Cross-Colours logo on it.)
Me: Because I haven’t worn this since college.
Mom: But it’s warm.
Me: I haven’t worn it, Mom.
Mom: But it’s warm. San Francisco is colder than Fremont up there. SO COLD!!
Me: Ma, I’m not going to wear it.
Mom: …
Me: …
Mom: I’m packing it back in.
Me: Fine.
You know how some people use moves as an opportunity to purge stuff? Somehow, I get the feeling I’m going to end up with more items than I started.
Mom: What’s this?
Me: It’s a business card holder.
Mom: So what is this inside?
Me: It’s a gift certificate card for Coldstone.
Mom: Coldstone?
Me: Ice cream.
Mom: ICE CREAM? WHY ARE YOU EATING ICE CREAM? ICE CREAM GETS YOU FAT.
Me: Mom, I haven’t eaten any ice cream. That’s why I still have the card.
Mom: Then why do you have the card?
Me: It was a gift from a co-worker.
Mom: Some gift! Those Americans, they’re always eating their ice cream. Whenever they’re sending you things like this you just tell them that you don’t need something like this!<BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE>
[cut to an awkward, imaginary date]
Cute guy: Hey.. I know we barely know each other, but I figured I should send you something, so I got you… this. I know it’s not much, but…
Ernie: Ohmygod, that’s totally sweet of y- oh.
Cute guy: “Oh?”
Ernie: It’s a gift certificate for Coldstone. You see, my mom always mentions that “your people” always eat ice cream, and really, ice cream gets me fat, so, uhm, yeah. No.
CG: …
Ernie: …
</BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE>Me: Okay, Mom. I’ll do that.
Mom: Hmph!
Ernie, sorry to say this, but my respect for your skills just took a nosedive. That should of course have been … .
That’s me, always validating fake XML intended for humans.
Let’s try that again:
“That should of course have been <DREAMSEQUENCE> … </DREAMSEQUENCE>”
OMG your dream sequences aren’t standard111!%one
You have to move once in a while, I think, to clear out old stuff and make life seem more varied.
Very funny. Your mum’s a classic.
And she gets away with it because she says it in Mandarin
Like commenter above said, your mum’s a classic – endless source for blog posts (would she ever read what you write here? I presume not)
Rather than make fun of your like those before me, I would like to point out in the second conversation the italics are missing. Unless, of course, your Mom said all that in English.
In which case, my bad.
Hmm, now imagine being lactose intolerant like me… “um, thanks, now my colon will explode!”
it’s happened more than once…
welcome to SF dude. We don’t have coldstone here.
Sorry to burst Jesse!’s bubble, but uh… we do. But since we’re going to be workout buddies very very soon, it’s ok for you to eat it
Your XML looks fine to me…I’m just trying to figure out how I can attach a pint of Cherry Garcia to this comment.
?
So can we visit you at the new place in San Fran? And have a wild party?!
I’m noticing this trend of cultures and mothers, especially in relation to us gay chil’en. I’ve got a Jewish mother who doesn’t even realize how much of a Jewish mother she is.
If you’re going to have ice cream, it may as well be the really good stuff. This Salon.com author trashed Coldstone a while back, and I have to agree, it’s nowhere near as good as other brands:
http://www.salon.com/mwt/food/eat_drink/2007/05/15/mix_in/
where would we be without our chinese moms??
haha!
I’ve hired movers before. It’s AWESOME!! They come in with boxes and tape…they just start putting shiz in boxes, tape ‘em up.. then voila!! Less than an hour… and your off to your new home!! SO COOL!!
Hope you’re all settled in now.
Wait a second….Jesse and Royce are going to be WORKOUT PARTNERS????! OMG…please tell me where/when this is occurring so I can watch
wow
cool
hit the mission crepe place…you can get a pic of them on those funnel hats!
m