Saturday, July 14, 2001
I overslept a bit, eh? I awoke to find Tony and Nicole sitting on my sofa watching South Park. They were feasting eating all my chips, fig bars and my Ben and Jerry's. Nicole said it was pennance for not meeting them at Bauhaus an hour earlier as promised. I say it looks like a case of the munchies to me. They are being awfully silly as well. They swear they aren't, but I have my doubts. (laughing) Apparently we're going to the midnight movie at the Egyptian. I have not heard of "Run Lola Run", but I've been informed by the gigglers that the "Sleep Queen" has no power here. See what I mean?
Ashley, they will be crossing the border shortly I imagine. (laughing). It wouldn't surprise me if many of you have tracked me down on the net, but I didn't expect anyone to do so on foot. I may check in when we get back. If not, in case I am no longer here it really has been a pleasure. I might have done a few things differently, but I wouldn't have traded this experience for the world. Best of luck everybody.
Posted by Rachael @ 11:50 PM PST [Link]
Another puppetmaster sightening??? damn, thats insane. And btw, anyone can reach me at tedpuppet@hotmail.com. Alright, I'm ready for another night of dancing, hopefully with no guns this time. And if this is my last post to you all, its been a pleasure.
Posted by Ted @ 10:21 PM PST [Link]
Rach, you've gotta be kidding. That is too weird. Two Puppetmaster sightings? How odd. And for my "fan" that asked for "inside info" about me, hi! Feel free to e-mail me @ ashley@puppet.co.uk. Maybe you can come visit me at work too. Vancouver isn't THAT far from Seattle. No, really...
Posted by Ashley @ 08:06 PM PST [Link]
Today at work these two young guys came into the store and said, "Rachael, We're here to say we're rooting for you." I looked at them a bit puzzled. I had never seen either of them before to the best of my knowledge. I was steaming some non-fat and almost dropped it when I realized what they were talking about. One of them said, "Wow, Like you really do work for Starbucks." (laughing) Yes, I most certainly do.
They asked how Tony is and if things were going as well as I had said. They will be seniors this Fall and they are both very cute. They told me their Puppetmaster theories which they had been arguing about. I told them who I voted for and why. One of them asked if I had any inside info on Ashley. (laughing) Anyways. Thanks for coming by today guys and for your support. It was really sweet of you. They had been to nine stores and had come all the way from Issaquah.
After work I went for a short run. I came home and took a shower and fixed myself a spinach salad. Now, I'm really in need of a nap. I'm going to go lay down for a bit.
Posted by Rachael @ 07:38 PM PST [Link]
My obsession is slowly killing itself. Ernie, with that three post limit, I'll NEVER live at this rate!!
3 X 10 = 30
3 X 9 = 27
3 X 8 = 24
3 X 7 = 21
3 X 6 = 18
3 X 5 = 15
3 X 4 = 12...
*sob* It is too quiet here! I realize I never really post during midday or the mornings, but that is because I sleep from about 4AM-2PM. I'm a teenager, I NEED a lot of sleep. So kids, START USING ALL THREE POSTS! I NEED MORE HOT PUPPETMASTER LOVE! *cough* Uh, yeah. Moving on...
I had THE strangest dreams last night. Two, to be exact.
In the second, which I will describe first, because it is both shorter, and fresher in my mind... I had just met my soulmate. We met on a golf course (?) because I was some pro golfer. I was off at boarding school, and didn't want to tell my dad I was living there because it'd have made him mad - friends planned on sneaking me in and letting me attend all of their classes. Anyway, at breakfast the first morning we were there, she was eating the EXACT same things that I was, had the same handicap in golf as me, (we were eating breakfast in the golf house) and drove the same car. We met up, and within minutes were kissing, only to be seperated by an avalanche. Suddenly, I was trapped in my car (which was, for some reason, in my house) and Soulmate (throughout the dream, she never had a name. Weird.) had gotten one of those snow shoveling guys along the road to rescue me. When I finally got out, we ran off and got married... which was ALLOWED in this dream. She and I lived happily ever after. How odd.
In the first, which, upon waking up, I wrote down... well, it was SO WEIRD. I'm attributing the dream to Bob, who has had me thinking about James Bond since I met him. I was James Bond, or, to be practical here, Jane Bond. Me and a bunch of friends and family, (which included people such as my Grandmother, Great Auntie Joan, Peter, Aaron [who had on this extremely strange shirt, it said "I AM BLUE!!" on it, in blue letters, and on the back it had...well, something weird that I can't remember now.], and Brandon.) were waiting at the airport for Bertie to show up because she was late.
I remember shoving Brandon out of the way so I could sit with Aaron and hug him. My Auntie Joan was asking me about my grades, and if I had graduated or not. We had to board early to avoid the lines and avoid flight delay. When we were boarding, I remarked, IN my dream, that, "Hey, this airport looks just like a dream I had once!" We were all flying to Israel on a secret mission. Only everyone else thought it was a vacation. All I remember about the plane ride, after Bertie showed up, was having sex in the airplane bathroom with someone. I think it was Peter or Aaron.
We got there, and I immediately took off and set up my supersecret elite computer from my cellphone. It was basically paperthin and weighed nothing. I started talking to this rich Israeli leader, who looked suspiciously like a millionaire friend/ex boyfriend (who I dumped when he couldn't quit bragging about how rich he had gotten through .com's) I had when I was younger. This leader loved me because I was smart. I eventually got this leader to give up some naked pictures (?!) of himself to me, after coaxing him with some of what I claimed to be me. He decided he wanted me to shower in his private bathroom, and wanted me to cry (?) into the drain so he could taste my tears, because the drain would seperate them and send them via e-mail to his office. Ooookay.
I did as he asked, and then went on some excursion through a desert. I don't even know if there's a desert in Israel or not. We were sitting around on the hot rocky sand around railroad tracks that hadn't been used in years... and looking at all the starving children around us. Looked like one of those "Please, sponsor a child" commercials. Suddenly, this starving child came bolting down the tracks in some plastic tricycle and Amanda, a friend from school (who is a very artsy and human rights-ish, person, involved in PETA, etc...) stands up and starts yelling, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, LOOK AT ALL THESE CHILDREN, IT'S HORRIBLE!" I ended up leaving because she made me upset, and...
Wound up meeting the leader guy and his kid. I shook his hand and gave him a business card, but it turns out it had the wrong information on it. The company that had made them had goofed and had printed seemingly everyone's names but MINE on the cards. When I dug into my little box for more, I found that the remaining cards had porn on them. I threatened to give out the bad pictures of him, and he said, "will you marry me, if so, I will quit sending the nukes to Canada". I said "Sure" and got him to deactivate and give me the key to them, and then fled Israel. And then, I woke up. Talk about strange.
Posted by Ashley @ 04:09 PM PST [Link]
OK, so the flatmates kept me awake past at least 3am last night. And they were being quiet. Damn, but it was depressing. I really do need my sleep. I'm not the sort of person who can just sleep through anything. David, you're right. You know, I was lying there last night just fantasising about a new place. It's hard because I've lived with Flatmate 2 for four years and it works really well - when, as I said, they're not wrecking my night. I mean, it wasn't always like this - we didn't always have people round ALL THE TIME, and he wasn't as much of a stoner as he is now.
(Or maybe it's more the case that I was, and now I'm not?)
Anyway, I have a good friend who is thinking about moving into a flat in Gorgie (i.e. miles away) for the sake of cheap rent, and I'm thinking he and I should get a place together somewhere central instead. We could make it work ... maybe we could get a one-bedroom flat and he could have the bedroom and I could take the living room. I have a mattress, bookcase, computer desk & chair, and beanbag ... what more do I need? I mean, I just throw my clothes around anyway. In all these years the concept of a chest of drawers or a wardrobe hasn't got very far with me.
I should stop thinking about this until I've actually managed to speak to him. But even if he's not up for it, I really do think I need to move on. Kick me at the end of this month and remind me of that, will you?
Ted, that was a scary thing to happen! Was anyone hurt? I liked your little fantasy of saving the day. I do that too.
So, today I was reshaping urban space at the Foot & Mouth Festival. I was going to scan a few of my own pictures from last year's for you, but I'm too tired. Well, basically a few hundred of us got together for a street party and to protest capitalism. My camera battery decided to die just as our section joined up with the other bunch of people who were coming from a different part of the city, so I think I missed out on some good Kodak moments there. However, it managed to kick in again just as someone got arrested for climbing over a railing to go to the other side of the street (yes, really). Good to see from the website that all arrested were released by 9pm.
I guess I probably wasn't as much in the mood this year, given my lack of sleep and spending the morning trying to persuade Londoners to talk to me about investments (as my first project, this one really sucks. Thank ungod it should finish tomorrow ... after I spend ALL DAY at it). I got interviewed by a journalist when we were waiting for it to get started but I really wasn't feeling very articulate (um, kind of like now, you know?). I did manage to get onto a rooftop for a minute to get a good shot of the procession on Lothian Road. There was a big police presence but mostly they were friendly. Once in a while though I'd see or overhear confrontations and keep an eye out for things. I'm not keen on getting arrested - and you're not likely to find me doing anything to warrant that, but people do get arrested for stupid things - but I had a solicitor's number programmed in my phone just in case.
Damn, I'm too tired to even go into it; I hope someone else who was there today will write something better! OK. I really want to get to bed. Hope you enjoy the dance tonight David, and happy birthday again James! Good luck all on the quiz ... I wonder who it's going to be. I just hope it's not me because I haven't got that blog ready yet. But, whatever.
Posted by Eva @ 03:55 PM PST [Link]
*David wanders across the prairie, tumbleweeds rolling by him*
Quiet in the Primate House today. Everybody's off drinking French wine and celebrating the Storming of the Bastille, right? Except for James, who's drinking Bud Light (yeesh) and celebrating being old enough to vote, fight, be tried as an adult, consent to certain sexual acts, and do just about everything except drink. Oops.
I'm going to a dance tonight, and I'm only partly looking forward to it. I'm talking about social ballroom dancing, which is my thing... but I'm going as a Stag. (That's "partnerless male," for the non-Yanks.)
In bigger cities, the social atmosphere of a ballroom dance can be pretty much the same as what you'd find at any club: people hang out in groups, dance with anyone they feel like, and generally mix a lot. In my small town, the ballroom scene is much more couples-oriented: you come with your partner, you dance with your partner, you hang out with other couples. (There's also some degree of expectation that you and your partner are dating or married.)
When you're a Stag, nobody knows what to do with you. You don't fit into any of the geometry. And you also fall under the gaze of the Does, who are eager to land themselves a partner...often not just for dancing. In theory this is not necessarily a bad thing--but the herd of Does in our local group is not to my tastes. The fact that I am one of the better, and younger, dancers in the group works to my disadvantage.
Still, it's been months since I've been out dancing (another disadvantage of the small town: miss one dance and there's nothing until next month), and I'm eager to get out on the floor. Who knows--maybe there's somebody new in town who needs a partner. So I'm going. Hope everybody's enjoying their respective Saturdays, and I really hope I'll see most of you tomorrow!
Posted by David @ 03:27 PM PST [Link]
Sitting here listening to Alien Ant Farm and Alicia Keyes on Random Alternating Shuffle in my CD player eating some gummi sour worms. I tell you my food of choice while on the computer is anything sour, its becoming a habit. Thank you guys for voting for my for immunity on my birthday. My pour heart couldn't take being ousted on my 18th. *hugs to all four who voted*. Philo you got my vote that round ^__^ I love me some Philo.
Anyways, yesterday was a blast. I left Jeremy early because I was tired but around 4pm I got a burst of energy and went to pick up my check from work. I met Christine at the mall and from there we had a blast. Yesterday I ate a hell of a lot though Chick-fil-a (12 piece nugget meal @2pm), Shogun (Teriyaki Chicken and Shrimp with a lot fried rice@7pm), and aIHOP (IHOP monster cheese burger thing and fries@2am). I felt like a complete and total cow. Oh yes, this food post is again for the Ted.
We went to 4 partiest toal. One was a raverish thing with a band playing. We arrived between band set changes and got really bored really fast. The two inbetween were totally whack, and the last one was even more whack (whacker?). It was advertised as a KEG party but obviously it was BYOK, because there was no keg. There were drinks but people started to stake claim to everything but the Bud Light, and that stuff is pissy nasty so I had half of one and poured the rest in their pushes. After that we went to IHOP.
I also hung out with this girl named Audrey who I went to school with and who Christine was really cool with, but I never bothered to hang with them together. Last night I realized that she was really really really cool. I'm glad we hung out.
Anyways I need to go shave my head, and shower and keep an ear out for The Bitch (my sister) because I've got to go pick her up from the movies.
Posted by James @ 11:00 AM PST [Link]
I sent in my quiz and I feel my picture fading in contrast already. I'm going to be busy for the next 24 hours or so, so if I don't get to post again, come see my site and it's been great playing the game with you. Philo: lunch.
Posted by Nancy @ 08:16 AM PST [Link]
Hmm. It is awfully quiet in here. My leading scenario right now is that Philo is my PM, but ... I guess I can't use that one anymore than I could give myself the immunity vote.
Ernie, Ernie, Ernie. Proofread those quiz questions!! Ha. It will be no fun at all if you ever get one completely right.
I'm down to maybe 5 theories here and ... I guess I'm just going to have to make another leap of faith and hope that luck saves me once more. I know the rest of you are probably closing in on this thing, and I'm just not.
Happy birthday James, and to cryptic Philo also if it was your b-day you meant earlier.
I liked watching Ted explain how he, um, later decided not to vote for Ashley. Rachael, what's your story re: the Ashley non-vote? Inquiring minds, etc., etc.
Posted by Nancy @ 07:57 AM PST [Link]
I should know better than to try to do that quiz before my morning coffee. Ernie, you are one sick, sick individual.
I will neither confirm nor deny that I am a mushroom strangler. (And I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.) Eva, congratulations on the new job, and my sympathies that it ended up being telephone surveys. Now that you're a working stiff, maybe you can use that as bargaining leverage with the flatmates. you know: "I have to work in the mornings--so either the Procedure leaves this flat or I do."
Meghan--wow, near-death experiences and kiddie porn all in the same day. I wish I had your job... Ashley, sorry about your sucky weekend shifts. If it's any consolation, I have to work this Sunday. If you show your supervisor your pus-filled, suppurating, gangrenous knee maybe you can at least convince him to give you a stool or something at the register, so you won't be on your feet the whole shift.
Ted's "Crouching Raver, Hidden DJ" story (or was that "Final Fantasy?") made me giggle. I do have to wonder though--who would rob a rave? I'm glad you got out okay, and hope nobody was hurt. Man, I'd hate to be some kid trying E for the first time at that party.
Does anyone want to buy me a present?
Agh. REALLY need coffee.
Posted by David @ 07:41 AM PST [Link]
Immunity for James! Congratulations birthday boy. Something I've learned is if people aren't going to celebrate you and your big day, then for God's sakes get out there and celebrate it for yourself my friend. Repeat after me. "I AM THE PARTY!" You have started your relocation fund, right? Hope your birthday was super James, which is more than I can say for someone around here. Ahem.
Rachael, I'm happy you two worked things out. That rocks. Glad you're getting some in a major way too. That's the part about last night's date that sucked. Pretty soon I'm going to pull an Ashley and start screaming MY NAME IS PHILO AND I NEED SEX! Last night my morals and standards got in the way of me getting laid again, dammit! Note to self: Stop listening to your conscience. It's holding you back. The fact that he was married was more amusing to me than anything else. I'm endlessly fascinated with life and people and what makes them tick. I meet a guy watching fireworks, make out with him in his car, feast on bad Chinese food with him and suddenly he's got a wife of 12 years and kids and "she knows all about my bisexuality and doesn't care as long as I'm safe, honest!" Stories like that are actually extremely plausible in these parts so you never know. For me personally though I can go many places on this big blue marble I call home, but I can't go there. I'm not really looking to screw an entire family. Rachael, can we talk privately?
(Ok. I wouldn't say it out loud cause I don't want people to think ill of me, so just between you and I Rach you made me spit my soda all over my keyboard I was laughing so hard. I'm glad we could share this private moment together now please go away and leave me alone. You're scaring me.)
Eva, Congratulations on coming off the dole! Sounds like a job for a future craziest job competition. For the record Dave really is the Mushroom Strangler. He's scaring me. And Nancy needs to stop being me! She's scaring me!
It's been a fine day for hearing from favorite people in distant places. I love having friends all over the map, but I wish they were all someplace normal like here instead of these exotic places like Paris, New York City and Iowa. Then I could treasure their existence all up close and personal like on a regular basis. I'm listening to this killer CD my best friend made and sent me that I'm extremely impressed with. It's the ultimate soundtrack for feeling completely brain dead and finishing the very last of my Dreyer's Limited Edition Christmas Peppermint Ice Cream. God bless you for waiting all this time at the back of the freezer for this very special moment.
I'm glad it was a relatively quiet day on Puppetmaster. I even got a vote! Woo Hoo! Thanks somebody! I was afraid I'd have gobs o' reading to take care of on top of getting in a post before bedtime to fend off that wee bit o' guilty feeling that has been plagueing me all day. I had a very gruelling extra long work day and I couldn't even bring myself to turn the Imac on when I got home. But here I am spilling out another novel. I'm going to take care of this test, get naked, slide my incredibly sexy body into bed and make hot passionate love to myself. Woo! I AM THE PARTY!
Posted by Philo @ 03:04 AM PST [Link]
omg, you guys are not going to believe what happened to me tonight. Ok, where to start… so my friend brad and I decided to go this rave in downtown. It was at this really small building that probably was an office of some sort in the daytime. My three favorite DJs were spinning, and I was happily dancing my little heart out to the amazing music that they were pouring out. But the music was so good, and I was dancing so much, that I got sick. Yes, my body gave up on me and told me I had to sit down. So me and brad were sitting in the upstairs hallway, just chilling and trying to catch our breathes, when we heard this loud sound like someone dropped something big on the floor. Right after that, we heard a louder sounding BANG followed with a flash of light. Then all these people started to rush toward us. I thought it was just someone playing with fireworks because the people rushing us were smiling. And then one of them said "SOMEONE IS ROBBING THE PLACE AND THEY HAVE GUNS"!!! One really freaked out girl told us that two guys with masks rushed the front door and fired three shots. One had a sawed off shotgun, and the other had a pistol. Completely shocked, all that came out of my mouth was "oh shit". So we rushed to the bathroom and tried to hide out there (yours truly was hiding out in a bathroom stall). I was like "oh my god, I'm going to die at a rave". Someone with a cell called 911, but they wouldn't pick up (how typical of the police). All the usual prayers to god and freaked out nerves were in effect. We were like "who the hell would rob a rave"??? The creepy thing tho was that the music was STILL playing and all we heard from the other room were people screaming. After some intense moments of silence after they finally shut the music down, we found a backdoor, and just got the hell out of there, glad to be alive. So what did we do afterwards? We went to another club.
This is what happened for reals. This is what happened in Ted's mind:
So after the five gunmen with the A-Ks and the double Uzi's came rushing in, me and brad were pissed because they were ruining our dancing and the vibe of the party. So we decided to do something about it. They were holding 2...no...5 girls hostage when we started to rush them. So brad and I first blinded them with our light shows, which gave the girls a chance to run away. Then brad performed a beautiful butterfly kick that took out three of the gunmen that left them instantly unconscious. I busted out with my legendary "shadowless kick" that decapitated the other two gunmen. We executed both kicks in slow motion and landed at the same time to pose with intense looks on our faces. After we had defeated the evil gunmen, I performed my little victory dance over their broken bodies to the tune of the loud cheers from the crowd. We then continued to dance, (with the five rescued and extremely grateful girls) as if nothing unusual had happened.
Posted by Ted @ 02:52 AM PST [Link]
It's wierd having Tony here while I am writing this. He's watching TV though and not peering over my shoulder. There is a movie on called World War 3 about terrorists with biohazardous weapons. I teased him earlier for watching, the dialog was awful. I've been sucked into it too though. I'll be writing more during commercials.
Last night we met at the B & O and it went really well. When Tony left here the other night he went to see Michael, Tony's best friend. The two of them went online and read every bit of my journal, all of my archives. I still feel very exposed that Michael was reading with him, but Michael helped him see the big picture. Once they made it past the frustrating week Tony and I had looked at, they found the good as well. How much I love him. How jealous I got one night when we were out dancing and I never said a word about it. How he made my birthday the most special night in my entire life. He even found where I had mentioned that he really is the greatest lover I've ever had.
We still had a lot to discuss last night. We talked for hours. There were many specifics I needed to address and explain and I did as best I could. He is still having a bit of difficulty as to why I didn't tell him from the start. He told me he knows I never meant to hurt him though. At some point last night there was a shift as well. It's as if now that he has read my site he is seeing the real me clearer than ever before. Thank God he likes what he sees. Tony wants me to be certain to tell you all that the spark is back. It is. It really is! (laughing) I think you can see what his biggest concern was.
Tony is loving Puppetmaster by the way. I don't know how I missed Shea's comment in the sidebar, but he caught it right away when we got home. Shea, I'm rescinding my apology. We wouldn't really be even if I didn't. At least now you can go back to chasing ambulances and playing Dungeons and Dragons with your little friends back in New Jersey. After all, you have the free time.
Happy Birthday James. I do hope someone did something extra special for you today. I would have given you a free latte if you had dropped by the store. I did give you my immunity vote though. Please consider it a birthday gift for the boy with the freakiest wink.
It appears I may have underestimated a few of you when I read the immunity vote tally. David, we are the ones to beat. That's why I couldn't really give you my vote Ashley. I meant every word I said though, except for actually giving you my vote because you asked for it. I need to get ready for bed now. Morning and my workday will arrive too soon and neither of us will be sleeping for awhile yet. I'm glad tomorrow is my Friday. Goodnight everyone.
P.S. Thank you all for your support this week. It really has meant a lot to me.
Posted by Rachael @ 12:11 AM PST [Link]
Friday, July 13, 2001
Whew. Just finished the quiz. I don't know if I did so hot though, but hopefully, what I *did* do will get me through it. I noticed that Ernie screwed up some questions, however...*thwack* for the THIRD TIME IN A ROW...if this is my last post, it's been great, you all. I'll miss you. Better start designing that blog. When I get kicked off next round, it'll make 3, and that's enough to have a blog with, right?
Posted by Ashley @ 11:44 PM PST [Link]
Wow work was very, uhm, exciting today. We have been in the new department since Wednesday, and it is so much nicer than where we were located before, but there are still a few things to get used to. The PIC was showing a customer a VCR today, he stepped a few inches to my left to show the customer another VCR on the other side of the display when an 8in steel pipe came crashing through ceiling, bounced on the floor and landed in the CD's. If he hadn't moved, he would be in the ER. After the initial shock wore off, I looked up to find that the pipe had crashed through the roof of the building straight down to our department floor, leaving a nice sized hole where one could see the blue sky if they were to stand in the right position. He took a break, took some muscle relaxants and went back to work for a lot less than he is worth, but damnit that shows loyalty or something. Tonight more fun was had when two high school girls came in wanting a VHS adapter for their Hi-8 film, which of course we don't have, so what to they buy, that's right all, a video recorder. Now, what in god's name would be so important on that video to buy a $300 recorder? Why it was nothing but AMATURE UNDERAGE PORN, and I thought I was wild in high school. So tonight, I am going to Lake Oswego to watch said video since I was *so* helpful. nite all.
Posted by Meghan @ 11:23 PM PST [Link]
Another gruelling day at work, and I'm beginning to hate people more and more. I just found out I have to work NEXT Friday, AND Saturday, nights... as well as THOSE being the ONLY hours I work next week at all. Who is bitter? Hi! Me!! Sigh. On top of it all, I got stuck late at work tonight and my mom had to wait 20 minutes after my shift ended for me to cash out and get in the car. She wasn't happy, and I got bitched at. It's not really my fault that I got stuck at the register until that late. God. They always make me work past when they say I will be. It makes me so frustrated and angry, because, while I do get paid by the clock, I am not allowed to phone people to tell them I'll be late. I'm exhausted right now, and after standing for four hours with my break being cut short - my knee is throbbing. And I think it's infected. Could I bitch any more? We'll see. Later.
Posted by Ashley @ 10:57 PM PST [Link]
wow, its real quiet here tonight. Ok, I'm all geared up and ready to go. Be safe everybody, nite!
Posted by Ted @ 07:45 PM PST [Link]
Morning all!
Happy birthday to you james, and immunity as our present to you. Ashley sweetie, I’m so sorry I changed my vote! I haven’t been feeling the love from you recently, and decided to change my vote at the very end for strategic reasons. But after reading your post, I was like, "WHAT HAVE I DONE"??? I’m so sorry, I’m on my way to your place right now. *trips over big law book titled Legal Age of Consent* Damn it all! But I do think you need a boyfriend who won’t get tired of you so easily. *Ahem* Hey, why is my hand raised like that? And geez, 13 gigs of porn is a lot of porn. I don’t even have 2 gigs of memory on my poor mac (yes benjy, another guy mac user).
And in other news, in keeping with the tradition of not staying home on weekends, I hopefully will attending a rave tonight. I think I’m seriously need to get my grove on like at least once a week or else I’ll turn into a pumpkin or something. I will let you all know how that goes.
Bertie Why do you know so much about the legal age of sexual consent???
Posted by Ted @ 04:02 PM PST [Link]
I did something unexpected today. I came off the dole (that's unemployment benefits if you don't know) and dashed off to my first shift at a new job. It looks like I'm actually going to have three jobs over the next few weeks. After that I don't really know what happens, so this is maybe a bit of a gamble, but I was sick of turning down temporary work on the grounds that I had to keep it below 16 hours a week. Now I just have to hope that I won't have to sign on again and go through all that paperwork once more.
So, um, my new job is doing telephone surveys. Friday night, I discovered, is a great time to start because either no-one's in or they're not in the least bit interested in spending 20 minutes talking to you about investments. (What an exciting survey to start with!) The folks there are pretty dead on though. When I logged into my computer, it said DAVE IS A MUSHROOM STRANGLER. Um ... OK.
All that bothers me now is the fact that the boys haven't taken The Procedure elsewhere at all, and I need to get up early tomorrow to work again. This has been a major issue in the flat ... they get trashed, have people round, and make noise. It's fine if you're in the mood for it but miserable if you're not, and even when they're trying to be quiet, drunk people are never very good at it. After a while you start to feel bad for having to go through and ask them to keep it down. I have to be honest, I've considered moving out before. Every time they keep me awake for hours, I vow that "this will be the last time". But then they plead with me to stay and say they won't do it again. Dammit, they're so nice to me when they're not wrecking my night.
Oh well. So judging from recent posts, it looks like Misery Day today, no? I have to admit, I still feel down thinking about some of the stuff I talked about today. Never mind. David, I pretty much agree with all you said about the L-word. Bob, in my own experience I seem to know pretty fast if I'm falling for someone. Enjoy those feelings when you've got them. That's all I should say because it hurts me to look back on that stuff - I guess I haven't entirely managed to move on yet. Make the most of it and hopefully everything will go the way you want it to.
I'm going to try and get some sleep. Happy birthday, James.
Posted by Eva @ 02:29 PM PST [Link]
Seems to me that Ashley, Eva, Rachael, Bob and I are the ones to beat: no votes means everybody wants us out of the game. I also notice that some people claimed to vote immunity for people who didn't get any votes *glares at Ted and Rachael*...
Posted by David @ 01:55 PM PST [Link]
Boy, it sure is pleasant to have a computer that can have 3 separate sessions of IE running at the same time. This way I can shop on Amazon (my only contact with commercial America) and read PM and post at the same time. Yay for me.
Also, it's nice to have MTV Europe, an MTV that actually plays videos. I got really hooked on M2 last time I was in the States and I'm glad there's something close to it out here. I'm a cheesy dance music fan and MTVE has a whole countdown devoted to it. Again, yay.
I saw Travis back in 97 or 98 when they opened up for Ben Folds Five. They pretty much rocked the house if I remember correctly. Obviously not as much as BFF (I shook Ben Folds hand and haven't washed mine to this day) but they were still pretty good. I got their newest album however and must say that it's pretty low key.
Thanks David for your views. I meant more like "I just met you" by the way. I've been around the block enough (I think) to know the warning lights and bells and right now they're all signaling "You're In For It Now". "...being stationed half a world away" is just about the size of it too. Damn these eyes, always getting me in trouble.
Curious, 10 contestants but only 5 people get voted for. Some of us aren't as convincing (or loved) as others.
Dammit, I still haven't had that beer...
Posted by Bob @ 12:31 PM PST [Link]
I think I'm back into "long and rambling" mode.
Bob--Do you mean too early as in "I'm just a kid" or too early as in "I just met you"? I tend to think that the first is not so much a case of calendar age as it is of life experience. How are you going to know true love until you've beem on both ends of an unrequited crush, had a puppy-love episode that didn't last, a passionate but nerve-grinding affair, and been in a coupling that was comfortable but with no spark? I've known teenagers who were grown-up enough, and thirty-year-olds who weren't.
As for the other, I'm not a big believer in the thunderclap, love-at-first-sight type of love. But I'm told it happens, and have known couples who knew they were going to get married before the sun went down on the day they met. (And have been happy for decades together.) I think there's no single thing that you can point to and call "true" love, because not only is every love different but every love changes over time. If there's one such thing as true love, it's a love that changes the same way for both of the lovers.
The only rule of thumb I have is this: If it's true love, it's easy. No matter what obstacles life throws up for you--being stationed half a world away, objections of your family, financial hardships--you'll find a way to overcome them. This is perhaps a bit of a rose-colored approach to the whole thing, but I know for darned sure that the counterexample is correct: if the prospect of being happy together involves more complications than it ought to, you haven't found your soulmate.
Eva, I though of you as I listened to the radio reports from Belfast yesterday. I have to confess that I just don't understand how these people can manage to keep such a petty and destructive feud going for generation after generation. Protestant, Catholic. Jew, Palestinian. Serb, Albanian. How can any amount of ethnic pride, any spot of land, be worth the number of lives these people are willing to throw away? For a few years, I had hope that at least the British and Irish had realized this--but it looks as though I was wrong. Shit.
James gets immunity for his birthday. Happy birthday!
Posted by David @ 11:49 AM PST [Link]
Conversation with friend to whom I showed PM:
Friend: I know who the fake is.
Me: [excited] Really? Who?
Friend: It's that Bertie guy.
Me: ::sigh::
Posted by Nancy @ 11:29 AM PST [Link]
Somebody is really smart here... *shifty eyes* I believe I've been found *sulks in his corner* Shawcable.net? *bites lip*
I have nothing particularly intelligent to say right now- I don't think.
Bob- I've never been in love, and I don't hardly ever toss the word around unless using it for close family members, or my girl Christine, but I don't think there is a time limit until you can say you're in love, ya know? I've always just believed it something you felt and not something a person can describe or anything. I do however think that some people don't really know what love is when they say they are in love. Maybe its just the asshole guy in me that wants to smack other teenagers upside the head when I hear them say "I love (insert boy's name here)". To me, that is a little young to be all "in love" but then again I suppose that directly contradicts my position that love is not time limited or describable, huh?
Philo- I took a year of Karate, need me to take care of that sucka for you? But for real, stuff like that really pisses this guy off. I'm in Nancy's and David's boat. Did I mention that I despise people who cheat? This is coming from a guy who rarely has the chance to be in relationships, and to see a person get one, then get another on the side pisses me off. Its greedy, ya know? Spread the love! But thats not the point.
Ashley- from one teen to another. *high fives* I so totally hear ya- horniness is a virtue. And do you usually date older guys? I really don't like them my age.... they're just blah.
Anyways, Jeremy has a hot date tomorrow, or so he tells me, so he is taking me out today for my birthday. We're going to go eat (dutch ofcourse), then I'm going to go watch him get his funky red hair cut. Wow, this is the best birthday I've ever had!! *jumps for joy* Boy, that Jeremy knows how to treat me.
Posted by James @ 10:00 AM PST [Link]
I read all of the sad posts about sad times and I can but wonder: How soon is too soon to fall in love? I mean like "head over heels, will you marry my sorry ass because I can't seem to get your smile out from the inside of my eyelids, I can't believe that you exist because it's just too easy, sleep is for people who don't know you" fall in love? Anyone?
A big problem with this game is that I've been ignoring Ernie's real site, which has been a perennial favorite of mine for a couple of months now. I didn't even know about the Survivorblogs until well after they were over. That's how big of a loser I am. Of course, I've never actually seen an episode of the TV Survivor either so take it for what you will...
Welp, it's Friday night and I've had a hell of a week. I wrote part of a report that berated a close ally of the U.S., was told that my next job is going to be a pretty cool one that I think I'll enjoy, and did one more thing I'm not comfortable telling y'all yet. You'll get over it I'm sure.
I think I'll drink a beer now.
Posted by Bob @ 09:34 AM PST [Link]
Good morning all.
Philo, sorry to hear about Mr. Married. I don't know why men do that but I'm with David: I feel really bad for their wives. And for you, of course. It ain' right. Re: progress, not perfection, Philo, booyah! [This game might single-handedly revive that expression.]
Ernie, tell Philo to stop being me. He's scaring me, and he yanks the strings too hard.
Re: long-distance love, my last one [breaking the ex-'s rule again] was a long-distance love. My friends still shake their heads. My girlfriend calls her "Satan," but that's mostly because she still sends me flowers sometimes.
Amor de lejos, amor de pendejos. That's what I say.
Posted by Nancy @ 08:35 AM PST [Link]
Meghan, David and Philo, sorry to hear all your stories (also sorry that last night's one didn't work out, Philo). Ted, thanks for that story link. I liked it a lot; I've tried reading Haruki Murakami before but not got far.
Me, I met that so-called 100% perfect person almost two years ago. Honestly, that's how it seemed. I don't fall for people easily, to put it mildly (and even less easily now, thank you very much). I was amazed at what happened. If you had asked me to make a list of everything I could want in a partner, from the superimportant qualities down to just nice little optional extras, I would have described this boy to a tee. So meeting someone like that in real life was not something I expected. Of course ... it was long distance. And it was great for a while, and then everything started to go bad.
I don't know if it started with me getting paranoid for no reason, or whether I already had reason to be paranoid. We'd always been long distance, which made things feel not quite real sometimes. It was like I needed some sort of proof that the boy I was visiting this month was the same one who had visited me last month - if that makes any sense at all. Then it seemed like he changed. I was already feeling paranoid and awkward, then he didn't talk the same way as he used to. I remember things like, he denied some insecurities he had previously told me about. Or, he said everything had been sorted out with this person he didn't used to like being around, but didn't explain it. Whatever.
Eventually, I got a letter through the post, then a traumatic phone call, then a few weeks of waiting until I had given up hope, then an angry e-mail ... I know I've never been that down before, or since. After some months, he started to send me the occasional e-mail, but I realised there was no point. They were short and if you'd read them you would think we were no more than passing acquaintances, and it hurt me too much even to read them. So I stopped responding. I haven't heard from him since last December and that hurts too but probably not as much as it would to keep in touch with him. Nowadays I consider that maybe, some day (I don't even know if I want this, but I suppose I do) I'll meet someone else who is just as perfect - with the added bonus of not dumping me in a horribly painful and confusing way.
And like Philo (although it hasn't been as long as five years), I still look back and lament.
Damn. I didn't come on-line to talk about this stuff, really.
I got a text message from Belfast last night.
HEY. GUNSHOTS OUTSIDE, BUT AT LEAST THAT'S IT OVER UNTIL NEXT YEAR. WISH I WAS WITH YOU. X
I guess this is why I left Belfast. Because it doesn't change, it just goes round in circles. I must admit that, every time I go back, it does have new good things. It just seems to take more time than other places. Last time I went back, I actually had a really good time. This is mainly because I suddenly had a whole bunch of people to meet up with, thanks to a website and message board for the music scene. Before then, going home sucked because I only had a couple of people who kept in touch with me.
But, god almighty, all that bigoted political crap. Although there are a lot of young people who want to get away from that shit, it also seems like there are a lot of young people who are happy to inherit prejudices from their families and get on with looking for Catholics/Protestants (delete as inapplicable) to beat up. And the gun stuff ... I used to think that I had nothing to do with it. Violence never came knocking on my door, you know? But I've realised that everybody in Northern Ireland at least knows someone who's been touched by it. For example. When I was younger and went away on holiday, I'd meet English kids who'd joke "Oh, are you in the IRA?" I started to answer things like, "Actually, the IRA shot my uncle", just because I wanted to get through to them that that's not funny and that you actually could be talking to someone for whom this is true. Well, um ... I finally found out about two years ago that the IRA really did shoot my uncle. In the neck.
It was the summer of 1996, just before I left for Scotland (via the factory from hell) that things began to flare up again, I think. That was the summer I tried to hit an Orangeman with my mother's car - hey, I was young, I was stupid, I won't be doing that sort of thing again. I saw later on the news that a woman had been dragged out of her car and beaten up for trying to drive past their barricades. There were also burned out cars in the exact same place where I had done my stupid little stunt. After that I went away to North America for a month and during that time this guy I knew woke up with a gun pressed to his head. I don't think he was ever the same again.
I used to fiercely defend the place to foreigners - I hated when people were too scared to visit. "You're an outsider, no-one's going to have a problem with you, it's fine." Then an Australian backpacker got his ear sliced off a couple of months ago. I feel like I want to apologise for my entire country. Ack, I don't know. I just hate the 12th of July and it just makes me feel negative about the place again. Oh, and if any scary people are reading this and want to make something of it, I'd like to just claim fictionality. Thank you.
Bertie, yeah, Travis are boring. But we've also got the Newtown Grunts, which more than makes up for it. As for drugland, I'm sick of it. I think things are getting normal again - maybe this game just started during a stupid week. The French girl has moved in, the mushroom woman will hopefully not be back, and the boys are taking the Friday Night Procedure to Duncan's house tonight since his parents are away. Now if you'll excuse me, it's about time this post ground to a halt.
Posted by Eva @ 07:19 AM PST [Link]
Thanks to all of you for your support. Despite the tone of that post, I'm really not bitter or scarred or anything--time has passed, and I'm getting on with my life. Actually, I've agreed with Bertie about long-distance relationships since even before Naomi and I were dating--I just managed to ignore my own good sense for a while.
Rachael, I hope the absence of any posts from you after 6 PM means good news on the Tony front. Let's clear out some of the miasma from yesterday. Ashley, just find a big magnet and "accidentally" leave it near your boyfriend's hard drive. Two problems solved at once: no more porn on his comp, and he'll need to look elsewhere for stimulation. Philo--I'm sorry, man. Sorry for you, but also sorry for Mr. July 4's wife and kids. Ted, thanks for the offer of vengeance, but it's not necessary. That story was poignan too--thanks for the link. And don't apologize for voting immunity based on cuteness. There are worse reasons...
Okay, it's Friday the 13th and projects are underway to put a portal on the Space Station, and to raise both the Kursk and the Ehime Maru. Does anyone besides me feel a little twitchy about this?
Posted by David @ 06:12 AM PST [Link]
If I let myself stay up too late for a few days in a row, I'll manage to get into a depressive funk that will last a couple of days. Like right now. I knew I should have gone to bed at midnight like normal people do. I have to work tomorrow at five, and I am really not looking forward to it. My knee has been really sore and the thought of putting half my weight on it for four hours while standing and checking people out - well, I don't like that idea. Perhaps I'll pop a couple painkillers before going to work tomorrow, might ease the pain, but it also might make me dopey as hell. "Excuse me, miss? MISS? CAN YOU RING THIS UP PLEASE?" "Huh?" Yeah. Not a good idea. Also, I'm bitchy, because it's the second Friday night I have to work in a row. Joy to the world!
Mark seems to have a reduced interest in sex lately. Of course, this could be attributed to my teenage libido (he's 20, three years older than me), but still. I can't help but feel I've done something, or am doing something, wrong, when we're together - but, he's never complained and he certainly seems to ENJOY himself. But, right now work has him stressed out, *I* am stressed as hell... and, to put it bluntly, when we're stressed - he gets tired, I get horny. Not a good combination. HI!! *waves* MY NAME IS ASHLEY AND I NEED SEX!! Any takers? Ted? Peter?? (And, for the record, Bertie is absolutely gorgeous but I'm too shy to hit on her.) I have a feeling I shouldn't get any deeper into this for fear of a) revealing too much and b) seeming more of a nymphomaniac than I really am. Oh, and then there's always c), the fact that Mark reads this goddamn thing sometimes. *wince*
Hey, Philo, thank you for the sweet Rainbow Brite comments. I'll have to keep that in mind. Sorry your date didn't work out, darling. If you were more my age, I'd set you up with a good friend of mine - he's gorgeous, but also 18. Not a good idea. Ernie and Bel, I will NEVER forget that conversation tonight. You two are HILARIOUS. James, where the hell have YOU been lately, puppetman? Out having a life if you're real, presumably? NOT FAIR. I NEED ONE. (I really do. I don't get out much.)
It's funny, everyone seems to have broken the "no talking about exes" rule but me. But I only have a couple sob stories in my past. I'm actually on pretty good terms with most of my exes. For example, there's the most recent one, whom I download porn from. No joke. He finds this hilarious. So do I. And then, the ex-girlfriend, who is now a BDSM freak that invited me to a 'naughty party' via e-mail a little while ago. thanksbutnothanksi'llpass... And how can I ever forget my very first boyfriend, "Jared", whom, when I turned 13, told me "I'm gay!". We'd broken up three years before, however. We were nine and ten respectively while dating, and were each other's first boyfriend and girlfriend. We're great friends to this day - hell, he took me to my high school grad! (That's what you Americans refer to as, "Prom".) But, of course, like everyone, I have a few skeletons in my closet. None which I feel like discussing here, however. I guess I'm just not ready to make that kind of stuff public.
After writing this much babble, I actually feel a lot better. Maybe now I'll actually be able to get some sleep. Goodnight.
Posted by Ashley @ 04:45 AM PST [Link]
What a wierd night. I could tell you all the gorey details, but let's just say Mr. 4th of July is less than fireworks. Less than even discount fireworks. Less than even a single fuckin sparkler. Okay - I'll give the guy five sparklers. One for him, one for his wife, and one for each of the kiddies. Someone will need to supervise the three month old baby though. We don't want everything going up in flames. No, I wasn't with him all this time. I left his sorry ass after dinner at that restaurant. Time for sleep. Must find bed now. There it is, right where I left it.
Posted by Philo @ 02:41 AM PST [Link]
I feel so trapped here. Suffocated and barred in. I talked to my oldest internet friend tonight and he is such a wonderful person, especially listening to me constantly talk of Ryan. Ryan the ex, my one and only love and the guy I can never seem to fully get away from. It's been 7 and a half years since he moved in next door, and he has been the only constant thing in my life. He disappears and reappears and i drop everything in my life for those few weeks of absolute bliss, just to know we are together yet again. Every time I believe that this is the last time, that it is finally our time to stay together, but that is shattered for reasons beyond our control. U hurt so many people, cast them aside just so I could be with him, and now I look back and wonder if it was worth it. Is he worth it? I think myself silly, asking too many "what if's" hardly ever acting on my impulses anymore. Calculated, cautious. I don't want to hurt anyone else by the mistakes I make.
Posted by Meghan @ 02:26 AM PST [Link]
Thursday, July 12, 2001
Well my vote has been cast, and I couldn't have done it without my brother. I had him look at all the pics and tell me which person he wanted to stay. Good stuff. Ernie, you better keep this going for a few more years because he wants to be involved when he's older. God I love little kids. I was covering someone’s shift today, so work was only four hours long. my manager was there and she took me aside (I thought she was going to reprimanded me for leaving 30mins early on Tues which was accidental) and told me how wonderful of a job I was doing and how she wished I was staying there during the fall instead of going back to school. Oh goodness, my brother just had a brilliant idea, to find out who the puppet and puppet master is, I should talk to all of your mothers. So, please if you willl email your mother's names and phone numbers so I can clear this whole thing up. God I really love the way little kids think. So simple, yet so adorable... :)
Posted by Meghan @ 09:33 PM PST [Link]
David,
I had a long distance relationship once. Okay, maybe three or four times. I had graduated from dating drug addicts and emotionally unavailable guys and moved on to finding ones who were geographically remote. Progress not perfection, right Nancy? Several long distance relationships, but only one of them was The Big Kahuna. He was the only guy I have ever "popped the question" to. We had been spanning the globe for months. I even flew out once to meet him and his parents for Easter in Peoria, Illinois. You know I was lovesick if I was willing to do that!
Last trip out we were at that jumping off place, where our relationship had to move to the next level or die an untimely cold bitter death full of resentment and self pity. We went to this diner for breakfast one morning and I told him everything. I loved him more than anyone I've ever known, that I didn't want 2000 miles to continue to separate us, I was willing to quit my job, give up my killer cheap flat in San Francisco and all I wanted in the world was to shack up and live in sin as happily as clams. I even said the words Will - You - Marry - Me down on one knee in the cafe. He said no. He couldn't handle the idea of me giving up my whole life to share his. It was too much pressure and if it didn't work out he'd never forgive himself.
That was five years ago and at least once a week or month at this point I still think about him and lament. If he had said yes, if he had just not been so fuckin afraid, would it be as beautiful as I still picture it? Thank you David for the reality check. Nobody has ever given me that picture to look at before. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself, literally. In fact, I could really see you up there in Oregon and what not as I read along.
I'm sorry Ashley and Rachael. You know I'd love to give either of you a full on thumbs up here, I do like you two. Ashley, Miss Rainbow Brite who can even charm your therapist into checking the Puppetmaster website during your session, you could turn the world on with your smile. Rachael, you make me wanna slap some sense into you, laugh, cry and hurl my lunch all at the same time. In a way that's quite a compliment. Please take it as such and good luck tonight. I can't give either of you my vote though. Perhaps the remaining non-gay guys will be so charmed, but as I said early on I'm playing to win. That's why I'm giving my vote to (HEY! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO TALK OVER HERE!) because with all those strings attached to that head I know I won't be giving it to any of you who need it.
Guess what boys and girls? I'm heading out to meet Mr. 4th of July right now. Phone tag has ended. I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! I'm mighty curious about why he was so adamant about me not picking him up at his house though. Does he have kids? Is the man married? If he does have a family, why weren't they all at the Marina watching fireworks with him? Must go investigate now. Wise the bap Philo, Wise the bap!
Posted by Philo @ 08:51 PM PST [Link]
Nothing big or interesting going on in my life this fine night in july. Checking mail and wasting time as usual. Work was actually good today. It went by fast, and Scott and myself talked a lot. He has a massive crush on Christine, so everytime she comes to visit me he gets all flirty with her. Moving along...
Damn, I can't vote for myself? GRRR... I know who my vote will go to.. MWHAHAHA!
And is it me or are these time zones fucking me up!! I don't log on for 3 hours and there are a million posts, but when I'm online there are none. Anywho, boring again- I'm off to download photoshop. It'll only take 4 hours.
Posted by James @ 08:26 PM PST [Link]
Another day come and gone, and I still have no more X's on my chart. After my short-lived discovery of one of you last night, my searches have not turned up anything else. And gee, it's sucking. Staring at this little table of X's is slowly driving me crazy. I do too much research on all of you. I'm slowly ruling out people based on their posts for this next quiz thing, but I don't know if I want to stick with my current theory as I've done for the past two or not. I mean, it's gotten me this far, but I could be screwed next round. That is, if I don't win immunity. *bats eyelashes* Vote for me?
You should all see my room. I am somewhat ashamed of it. There is crap everywhere. I suppose I should clean it tonight? Nah, that would take work. My dad will have a heart attack when he gets home. The guy should be paid for raising my brother and I. I swear, my house is like a zoo - and David, that monkey thing wasn't so far off. Eerie.
Was talking to Mark a couple nights ago, and guess what I found out? He has thirteen gigs of porn on his harddrive. Now, I guess I don't have the right to be mad. I mean, *I* have some, 95% of my guy friends/bi-les girlfriends do - but NOT THAT MUCH. This instills some warped sense of jealousy in me. Is this normal? He claims to hardly ever watch any of it - which he BETTER NOT. Seeing me naked should be enough for him, and if it's not, he's in BIG TROUBLE with me. Maybe I'll check on him via his roommates... Mark, if you're reading this, I'm just kidding. REALLY. He's just lucky I'm not using his real name - then he'd really kill me.
He's really a sweetheart, if not for some quirks. I mean... what guy do you know has his house rigged with voice commands? Currently, only his bedroom works, but if you say, "Mr. House, turn A-1 lights off.", it does so, and says "Your wish is my command". He did it when we were talking on the phone the other night and I just couldn't stop laughing. "Did you program that thing with a pornstars voice?" "HEY!" (okay, I didn't actually say that, but that's what I was thinking)
David, that story was heart-wrenchingly touching. I'm sorry you had to go through it. You can always marry me - well, it might work better if you weren't twice my age. Ted, I loved the 100% perfect girl story... made me all nonstalgic...and Rachael, good luck with Tony, and thanks for the vote. I'm out.
Posted by Ashley @ 08:02 PM PST [Link]
I’ve been trying to come up with a rational reason to vote for Ashley for immunity that didn’t sound too superficial, but I really couldn’t figure one out. So I’m confessing now that I’m voting for Ashley purely because I think she’s cute and that I want to continue to flirt with her. Yes, I know it’s a horrible reason, but I’m a sucker for cute girls….*sigh*
And I am also pleading, begging asking for your vote for immunity as well. I promise you that I still have a shit load of silly mindless stories for you all (and for those of you who know me, you know that this is true). If that isn’t enough, I like to announce that I will whore myself out to anyone who will vote for me. How do you think I got this gig?
Me: *gets up from knees*, ok Ernie, I won’t continue until you promise you let me play in Puppetmaster.
Ernie: *on brink of orgasm* ok, whatever… you’re in…
love you Ernie!
Posted by Ted @ 07:53 PM PST [Link]
Wow, today’s theme seems to be really deep and depressing. Like everyone else, my poor site has also been suffering from my participation in PM. *pets site* I’m still relatively new to the concept on keeping an online journal, but unlike Rachael, (hopes things are going well!), I’ve been hesitant to post more about my more deeper feelings and such. This might be fear from certain people finding my site, and learning things about me that I don’t want them to know about. However, I do believe that expressing your emotions and problems online is a great way to deal with issues. It’s just so effing therapeutic and cathartic to do so.
David – I do believe that is by far one of the most heart wrenching stories I have ever heard. And reading yours and Meghan’s back to back makes me reconsider a lot of my bitterness and disenchantment towards love. I think it takes a really strong will and personality to bounce back from such a heartbreak, and you clearly possess those attributes.
Meghan I must admit that your story is probably your best post to date. Again, it was another heart wrenching post and I’m sorry that something like that happened to you. I hope that awful experience doesn’t hinder you from taking more risks with your heart.
If either of you would like some kind of vengeance taken upon these evil souls, please do not hesitate to ask me for help. I will be more than happy to go over to their homes, bash their door in, and give them a yelling of a lifetime on what a great person they both missed out on (while wearing a "Defender of Love" t-shirt on).
I myself am bitterly single from many horrible encounters with evil and confusing girls. I seem to have the "get every girl but the one you want" curse on me tattooed on my forehead. Not to mention the "every girl that you turn down will hook up with your friend" curse as well. And I do believe that the last person to hit on me was a guy. *sigh* I use to believe that there is a perfect person out there for you (and I probably still do in a way). But I’ve become so bitter and jaded lately that I’m just not sure anymore. I guess I’m just getting tired of waiting for her. But if the perfect person for me is reading this right now, FUCKING MEET ME ALREADY, I’M GETTING TIRED OF YO LAZY ASS!!! heh, ok… but this sad story always cheer me up. I don’t know why, it’s a really depressing, but just the fact that there was a 100% perfect person out there is comforting to me. So please read it, it’s a beautiful story.
Posted by Ted @ 06:36 PM PST [Link]
I'm home from work and I've had way too much caffiene again. Needless to say I'm in a different space than I was last night. Karen made me a Velvet Hammer when I opened the store. It's a drink we make each other with a quad shot, too much chocolate and hazelnut syrup, steamed nonfat milk and whipped cream. I probably had six more shots today? Anyways. I am physically pretty tired and mentally wired.
I shouldn't even be reading Puppetmaster right now. It's making me crazy! Case in point: I was laughing at Bob about his thoughts on Meghan because I know Meghan is real. I talked to her online the other night and I really like her a lot. Then it hit me. Was that even Meghan at all? Did she post her aim to throw people off? If you're real I'm sorry Meghan, but there really is something very wrong with that story.
I feel so much better today. Tony came by the store on his lunch and we made plans for tonight. I almost wrote the name of the restaurant and time, but I'm getting it now. Thanks for talking with me Ernie. Last thing I want is a live audience watching Tony and I work things out tonight. I'd be staring at the other people the whole time. (laughing) It could happen!
He wasn't overly warm today, but he did kiss me goodbye. I think that's a pretty good sign. And he did come all that way to see me on his lunch hour. He's only done that once. I think that's a good sign, isn't it? Maybe not. I think the game is really starting to get to me.
I read. I looked at your pictures. I read some more. I have decided to give my vote to Ashley for three reasons. I don't want her to leave, she really makes me laugh and she did ask for the votes. You have my immunity vote Ashley. I've also decided to go ahead and ask for your votes as well. Truth is I know I haven't been much of a player lately, but I'm really not ready to leave yet. My mind hasn't been on the game the past two days and I need your help. Please? I've had a very stressful week already.
I have to go meet him now. If things go really well I may not be posting again tonight for obvious reasons. I'll let you all know as soon as I can everybody.
Posted by Rachael @ 06:18 PM PST [Link]
Oh, man, David, I'm sorry.
Posted by Nancy @ 05:22 PM PST [Link]
And my immunity vote goes to Nancy, for being the exception to the rule.
Posted by David @ 04:27 PM PST [Link]
Okay, this post is not gonna be pretty. It started out as a happy little tangent from Nancy's ring-shopping story, but quickly spiraled into the black depths. It is officially Relationship Hell Day here on Puppetmaster. You have been warned.
Naomi and I had been dating for a couple years, then she moved six states away. We continued to date long-distance for a while, and the next April I took a couple weeks and went out for a visit. I brought along the engagement ring that had belonged to my great-grandmother: not entirely certain whether I wanted to do anything with it, but just in case. We spent a week or so on a driving trip, and by the time it was nearly over I had made up my mind... That morning, at a bed-and-breakfast overlooking the Cascade Mountains, I slipped the ring onto her plate when she got up to get a muffin.
I should have known right then what I was in for. "What's this?!" she exclaimed in a tone approaching horror. I missed the implications though, and earnestly told her that I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. She dithered; I told her to take her time coming to a decision. 45 minutes later she said yes. By the end of the day she was recovered from the shock, wearing the ring, and beaming.
Things went on much as before for a little over a year. We were in a typical long-distance relationship: hour-long phone calls almost daily, letters, occasional trips to visit, the works. But we weren't getting anywhere, and eventually I decided I had to make a move. I quit my job (with the elevator shaft), terminated my lease, sold a lot of my stuff, and loaded the rest into a Ryder truck and moved out to rural Goldendale, Washington.
Nine days later the engagement was off. Naomi, it turns out, had been sleeping with her next-door neighbor for about a month and a half. She had also, somehow, convinced herself that A) she could put him out of her mind as soon as I showed up, and B) it wasn't worth mentioning to me. Needless to say, neither of those delusions was anything close to true.
I spent the next month just getting from one day to the next. I drove to Portland and crashed on a friend's floor for a week. I flew home to stay with my folks for a week. I couldn't stay away forever though, and some nights I slept in Naomi's bed while she slept next door.
During one of those nights, I happened across one of Naomi's old journals--and trying to get any sort of a handle on what happened, I read parts of it. I am not proud of this. But I learned that even back when I proposed, Naomi should never have accepted: she suspected (and was probably right) that if she had said no, our long-distance romance wouldn't last much longer. She hadn't wanted to give up the now, so she committed to forever. Later on, I was a lot more angry at her about this than I ever was about the infidelity.
I had been--I thought I had been--deeply, thoroughly in love with this woman. But by the time I was thinking clearly again, every last bit of that love had disappeared. I didn't hate her, I wasn't enraged or vengeful or bitter (well okay, a little bitter). I didn't wish her ill. All my friends were a more incensed at her than I was, at least at the time. I later got mad, and then got over it again.
As soon as I could manage it, I loaded my life back into another truck and took off again, this time to stay with family friends in Chicago while I put myself back together. I worked retail for six months before getting back onto my career track. I sometimes wonder where I'd be now if she'd turned down my proposal; I know I wouldn't be where I am today.
I've had no contact with Naomi since I left Goldendale. I heard from a mutual friend that she was still with the neighbor a year and a half later; the news really didn't mean anything to me at all.
Posted by David @ 04:19 PM PST [Link]
Meghan gets my immunity vote for listening to sex while sitting in a laundry basket, drinking wine (out of the bottle?), and crying. There is no way one of the real contestants is getting my vote.
Posted by Bob @ 03:55 PM PST [Link]
Oh, that is too weird. I was thinking yesterday about how it would be possible to have Immunity in this kind of webgame, and here comes Ernie with just that. What I'm curious about, however, is what's going to happen if the puppet or it's master gets immunity...would it be wasted? WHICH IS WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR ME! You KNOW you love my pictures of Rainbow Brite and monkeys, the fact that I am SHAMELESSLY PROMOTING MYSELF FOR IMMUNITY RIGHT NOW, and uh... *ahem* Also, you should vote for me because I'm cute. Okay, that's a lie.
I already sent my vote in, which was purely strategy based. I want to WIN this thing, damnit.
My last few posts seem to be getting longer and longer, and my website is paying the price for it. I don't write anything GOOD on it anymore, it all gets said here. Also, I try not to mention the same things on this site and mine, simply because it would be a giveaway. Rawr. I am not looking forward to Saturday, because my dad will be coming home then, and until then, I have the house to myself. Which means four things: 1) Loud music 2) Eating junk food 3) Being messy 4) Coming and going as I please. Envy me. Oh wait, you all do that ANYWAY, because you're OLDER than me. Bah.
My knee is beginning to heal. It looks disgusting. I am never going to be able to wear pants again. Oh well. Well, one more thing before I go - VOTE FOR ME DAMNIT, no-one else has whored themselves out like me! I DESERVE YOUR VOTE! ...otherwise I might get booted Saturday *sniff*
Posted by Ashley @ 03:27 PM PST [Link]
Well, I had really looked forward to having one more longish writing sample for everyone upon which to base my next quiz. But no such luck.
Whom to choose for the immunity? Someone I'd hate to lose? Someone I think is the puppet anyway?
Belinda said we didn't need a reason, so I just went with my gut and voted for ... ::airplane passing directly overhead during elephant stampede:: ... and I don't think I have to defend that choice to any of you. : )
I'm also back to thinking I'm the puppet.
Posted by Nancy @ 03:20 PM PST [Link]
I've read and reread Meghan's post... and frankly I'm dumb. I don't get it... although I'm not sure if there is something to get. Anywho. I'm digging through the inet looking for serial numbers and ftp software and blah blah blah. This is exactly why I used to bitch and moan about Macs. Anywho...
Work today from 5-9:30pm. Next week I'm going to look for a new job. My first check, assuming that I ever get it, might not even break $100. In fact, I'm sure that it WON'T break the hundreds. I'm going to applebees or something and try to get a job being a waiter, I'm cute I have a nice smile and I'm friendly. Can you say major tips? For real, I hope I'm able to say that soon. There are so many things that I need to buy for my dorm room- so when I'm eventually booted from this thing Ernie is going to set up a Help James Get Through College by Sending him Shit Fund. I think its a good idea? Don't you? So Ernie Bertie, set up those paypal accounts and whatnot.
Posted by James @ 12:54 PM PST [Link]
There was this girl who was beautiful and wonderful and I absolutly adored her. Last year she even was able t stay with me for a week while her mom was moving up here. We went to Seattle, she and her squirrelly bf were sitting in the back seat saying things like, "Oh those poor trees, logging is such an atrocity." My friend, Nikki, who was driving, was offended by these remarks because she comes from a family where logging was the main source of income for the past few generation. We just sort of sat there, looking forward, listening to their insipid comments, trying not to turn round and ring their necks. When the girl and i were alone, we had so much fun. We went downtown and she got her nose pierced and I got my tongue done. But when she was with that boy, call it jealousy, she pushed my to a point where I was disgusted and hurt. She had promised me that they wouldn't mess around. I believed her. We were at Nikki's house, spending the night, and they were sitting on a love seat, necking then it came to a point where she asked me to leave the room, I grabbed their bottle of red wine and complied. I drank myself silly that night. Sitting behind the bathroom door in a basket of dirty laundry listening to their sounds of sex, crying myself silly. Finally that evening I decided enough was enough, and in my drunken state, quietly walked out of that apartment, drove the mile home and only came back in the morning in time to take him to the airport.
Later that week, the girl and I flew down to San Fran. He picked us up at the airport and I got my first glimpse of who he was. The revolutionary was just a poseur, driving a newer Isuzu Trooper and living with mommy and daddy in Hillsboro. When I walked in that house, I was afraid to touch anything, it was like a museum rather than a home. There were pictures of squirrel boy everywhere; they were following me. His little blonde fro and gargantuan nose was almost too much to take. But I controlled myself, quietly stayed in the back when her friends convinced her that her parents were absolutely horrid people and she "run away" from them, not go to college and stay down there and party party party. I don't know where she is. I wonder though, if she is still with that boy or is whoring around as per her very open sense of morality, if she has a job and a place to live, if she is happy with her life.
So that m'dears was a year ago give or take a few days, and now here I am, unable to let go of the past, battling with he thought of emailing her. Yes, I do lead a boring existence. I do not deny that. It is simple life, most likely trite. I am cautious, making sure that I won't get hurt over the choices I have made, as I have been in the past. Maybe, as time moves on, i will be able to share my tales of stalker boy friends, more drunken (funny) nights and other random high school antics. For now though, I must go to work.
Posted by Meghan @ 10:53 AM PST [Link]
Rachael, the whole online thing is so odd. It feels very anonymous when you write it but ... the oddest things happen.
When I started my site, it was much more personal. Too personal. And although I pulled it all down eventually, it lives on in broken links and Google caches.
Now, I'm fairly conservative with what I write about myself on my site. PM has been a change from that; I've written more things about myself in this past week on PM than I've written in the year-plus of the current incarnation of my site. And I've revealed things most people in my offline life don't know. Interesting what the web does to us.
Anyway, hon, good luck with your boyfriend. Take responsibility for what's your mess and don't take any crap about the rest of it. ::wink::
Posted by Nancy @ 10:29 AM PST [Link]
*yawn* This is way too early for me. I'll post more later when I'm more coherant, but for now read this little story I foound.
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up... "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers,
"That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"
I seriously sat there and laughed my ass off for like five minutes when I read this. ok, back to sleep....
Posted by Ted @ 10:12 AM PST [Link]
My last post of the day. You know what? I really don't want to get involved in the whole tunaphobic nightmare landlady vs nice Canadian story.
That's because I am a wuss. I am. I just don't want to know. I live in a building surrounded mostly by old people who already hate us. We've already got regular nights when gay boys gather to drink pints of vodka, smoke dope and listen to hard house under a UV glow. We've already got muppets Credible Punk Rockers staying with me once a month threatening to kick down the neighbours' doors. We've already got an ever-changing cast of characters including Scandinavian backpackers (OK, enough about them already!), cupboard-dwelling Canadians, Australian dope fiends, long-distance lovers, a round ginger drug dealer that we call Scotch Egg behind his back, and a poor sweet innocent French girl who doesn't know what she's let herself in for yet.
So I really, thank you very much, do not want to have to lie to the woman up the stairs who keeps coming round looking for Flatmate 1, who is a) still at work and b) terrible at lying, so she can find out the new location of her recent tenant, who we helped to move out on Sunday. I do not want to be interrogated about whether I thought that was odd, or whether I knew she was "doing a bunk", or who her friends were who provided the transport. Fine! Call the police! Just, for the love of ungod, don't come round my place again. Thanks.
Posted by Eva @ 09:54 AM PST [Link]
The whole concept of a class ring is not something I can get my head around. What exactly is that about?
Personally, I have a phobia of rings. Rings and icebergs and perhaps deep water. I've never been near an iceberg so I'm safe on that count so far (although, I do have serious plans to visit Antarctica one day). I just can't wear rings, they freak me out. A girl I met in a dyke bar in Sapporo gave me a ring to remember her by. I tried, really I did. I maybe lasted a week or two, but during that time I sometimes got freaked out and had to take it off and put it in my wallet.
Bob, go ahead and like Robbie Williams. I don't mind what anyone listens to (unless it's, like, Celine Dion). I just wanted to be clear about disassociating myself and my homeland from him. Instead, Northern Ireland has given the world semtex, champ, Therapy? and Liam Neeson. Hmmm.
I don't have too much to contribute today so I'm looking forward to tomorrow's topic so I can go off on another long ramble. (Someone stop her!) I'm behind in my e-mails (but what's new?) and I didn't design that blog yet. I'm going to a gay bar tonight with Emily, who used to live in our cupboard. In fact, she lived in it for a record two and a half months, and yes, for those of you watching at home, that means "closet". You can just about get a mattress in there if you squash it a bit and force the door shut. Emily is from the west coast of Canada and none of her friends do anything "normal". They all end up designing bondage gear or something. She tried to give me a normal one - "...My friend Jen makes shoes?" but I don't think that's quite good enough.
Posted by Eva @ 08:50 AM PST [Link]
Drat it, my top candidates for Puppet or Puppetmaster keep getting eliminated. Shea, it was great having you around. The Primate House won't be the same without you.
Rachael. I'm proud of you. You're hurting, and because of advice I (among others) gave you. I know this has got to be hard, but it will pass. Give Tony some time to assimilate what you've sprung on him. He'll be back, if he's worthy of you. Meanwhile, let Nicole support you--you're very lucky to have a friend like her around.
I've gotta go--I'll do one of my regular long, rambling posts later on. So long all!
Posted by David @ 08:24 AM PST [Link]
Bertie, I've decided not to be pissed at you. When I first read your post, I had just woken up and I was furious. How dare you question me? Well, then I woke up some and realized that you have a lot of reason to question me as far as this game goes so I lightened up. But really, let me tell you a little something about chutzpah. I walk out of my door every morning with two thoughts in mind: 1. There are a large number of people within 100 miles of me that would very much like to KILL me personally because of where I work and who I represent. 2. At any time and anywhere I could be blown the fuck up by a random explosive device placed in a car or a trash can or a simple bag left in the corner of the cafe where I'm sipping a coffee. No joke, it happens all the time. Chutzpah is walking out that door every day and living my life to the fullest I can and not letting those facts crush all the spirit I have. It's some scary shit that you don't know the first thing about and I would rather if you would just back off. Really, I'm not too pissed but I'm a little offended.
As for who I am, I'm a 25 year old white male who grew up in a number of rural/suburban areas around the U.S. I never wanted for much as a child or adolescent aside from the acceptance of my father. The hardest thing I ever did was tell my father (who was paying my way through college) that I wanted to change my major from Chemical Engineering to History because I knew he would object to the point of cutting me off. Fortunately, I lucked out, he didn't cut me off and now I'm a diplomat and he's proud of me. As a high schooler, I was totally devoid of self-respect or esteem (maybe Dad's fault, maybe not) and had a total of one date and my virginity intact upon graduation. The only thing that saved me was a girl my freshman college year who had different issues but enough compassion to look beyond my utter self-deprecation and help me to get on my feet. Now, after some practice, I'm pretty damn suave and debonair (that's pronounced "swayve and debone-er") with the ladies. I have a really hard time dealing with stupid or ugly people. Stupid people I don't need to explain and the ugly part I really can't. I just don't see any reason to spend my time interacting with people that I don't think are attractive in some way, male or female. They just make me feel uncomfortable. That's a really mean attitude and I know it. Everyone's got to have some faults. So, will that do for now?
Eva, am I wrong for liking Robbie Williams? I think his stuff is pretty damn good. Eh.
David, you didn't work in the HRC on some off chance did you?
Philo, more sleep hombre. More sleep.
Well, I'm calmer now that I got the above out. I've got some serious anger (more like rage) issues. Hmm.
Posted by Bob @ 08:23 AM PST [Link]
OK, I'm just checking in briefly. The muppets band have gone out. They'll be picked up by the drummer in a few hours and go to Aberdeen to play their next gig. Last night Shelter were playing, and one of the muppets went to the gig, but the rest of us couldn't afford it and drank cheap cider in my kitchen instead. It was quite a mellow night though. The toffee yoghurt saga is over! The wee Baron was good enough to clean it up seeing as nobody who actually lives here was going to. As an encore he mopped the kitchen floor. We went to his new girlfriend's website and saw that she likes to have her picture taken whilst lounging on sofas scantily clad. He is never going to hear the end of it.
Bertie, my dear: BZZT! I am not from England, nor do I live there. So my country did not give you Robbie Williams. Rather, my country is best known for the riots that occur leading up to today. Yes, it's the 12th of July, and I am glad to be living in Scotland instead.
Peter's summaries are starting to remind me of "Our Graham with the quick reminders". UK readers will know what I'm talking about (perhaps). Everyone else, don't worry about it. I love your comment about my puppetmaster needing time off to think up more ludicrous stories. I thought everyone lived like this! OK ... well ... maybe not quite. Oh, and you want star encounters? I've had many, but I just don't know where to begin.
Shea: surprised and sorry to see you go. If it's any help, one of my friends has a brain-crush on you. Oh, and thanks for retracting your kisses to me! Ah well.
Oh my god. I just got this e-mail from a friend of mine in the States. Her friend teaches a course. Gender/sexuality and literature, perhaps? I can't remember.
i don't know if this will freak you out or excite you. i told amy about the porn that you are having published. she said she would be interested in having it as a part of her course. i am not sure if the journal will be out yet or what. let me know if you are interested.
I had a dream last night that I was the father of this girl who was about eighteen and we were working in an office when an intruder came in and stabbed her or something with a broken bottle. At this point I knew she was supposed to die and I was supposed to spend the rest of the dream seeking vengeance, but instead she survived, she was just more fragile now. I managed to get her to a police station that doubled as a gay bar and then the dream went off on a tangent, I think I was myself now and I got some jobs doing flyering.
Wise the bap? Wise up. I think bap means head. I don't know why, but who am I to question it?
I'd stick around and write you another dissertation, but I want to make it look like I'm not a total geek. I try telling these guys I'm actually an Internet rock star, but I don't think they're buying it.
Posted by Eva @ 06:15 AM PST [Link]
Uhm, Good morning? I was watching TV with the House Mate and the last thing I remember was South Park. Eric Cartman was out for revenge on this 8th grader and he was trying to train a horse to bite the kids penis off. Something about Radiohead and someone having ass cancer. There was some fat guy on after that. Some obnoxious unattractive big funny fat guy wearing a big funny fat suit. Or maybe it was a gorilla suit. I guess that's when I dozed off.
I was going to post my latest opinions on all of you monkeys tonight or some such bloody madness, but I just came to. I'm delerious. I'm going to get naked and slide between the sheets. After all, tomorrow will be just as good of a day to stir shit up. Now is time to sleep and dream about playing my favorite game - hide the banana. Yodalayheehoo! Goodnight. Zzzzzz.
Posted by Philo @ 02:16 AM PST [Link]
Rach, I empathise with you. What you did takes courage and now it just takes some time for him to understand. I hope everything works out for the best.
Posted by Meghan @ 01:17 AM PST [Link]
This day is gone. A day can be a year or just a short hour, can be without any strength or power. If he'd call I could tell him all I have been thinking about on a day that has crept by ever so slowly. It's not like Tony to actually make me wait until tomorrow when we've had difficulties in the past. This morning he said Thursday night and Thursday night it apparently is. I have been waiting and watching people passing by outside, wondering if I'll see him drop by unexpectedly like he often does this time of night.
Nicole is without a doubt the best friend I have ever had. She fixed lemon pepper pasta and asparagus. She opened a bottle of wine and listened attentatively to my melodrama in a way where I felt heard, seen, accepted and loved no matter what. She helped me clarify a few things tonight for myself.
I told Tony the truth. Whether it should have been sooner is irrelevant at this point. The past can not be changed. As for his difficulties with his exposure to my personal writing this will either serve as a door to a new beginning in our relationship or it will bring it to it's rightful conclusion. She said, "Rachael, if you plan to continue to share all of your thoughts, dreams and feelings online they are available to him. If he can see that as the gift it is cherish him. If not you'll either need to edit and censor yourself for him or find someone who wants you for who you are. I don't see you as the kind of woman who wants to live a edited and censored life." She's absolutely right.
Thanks James and Ted for your support tonight. I started my site a few months ago. It hasn't been online very long, just long enough for me to create quite a mess. (laughing) For the record I did use pseudonyms for the people I know. Only those who know me very well know who they all are. Ted, it's not that Tony and I haven't had great sex. A few weeks ago I wrote that I wasn't sure where the spark had gone and I wondered if it would return.
Nicole reminded tonight that even though the circumstances are strange and my Sweet Valley High saga apparently has a large audience, I am learning and being forced to be really true to myself and not hide my light under a bushel, not in my relationship, not anywhere. I can't say I'm enjoying Puppetmaster right now for that reason, but it certainly has already been a catalyst for change in my life. In the long run I know I will be forever thankful.
Time for bed. I have to open tomorrow.
Posted by Rachael @ 12:47 AM PST [Link]
Wednesday, July 11, 2001
Wow, I'm actually using my third entry today! Ern will be proud! Enough exclamation marks. Man, Shea, I'm gonna miss you, girl! God, that whole flies story had me DYING with laughter. And gagging at the same time. THAT takes talent. Nicely done. I'm still in awe that someone recognized you from Puppetmaster. Jesus. You'll be sorely mourned, and hopefully that after-game blog can get started now that two of you have been eliminated. What I'm wondering is - is the puppet going to blog after the game's over? I mean, we KNOW they're fake, but - it'd still be nice to have them around every so often... I'm gonna miss em! *sniff*
I'm trying new formatting with this post. I have had huge paragraph breaks in all my other ones, so maybe I only need one br command to make a new paragraph. Clueless me is JUST figuring me this out after last night's formatting disaster (the conversation with Ernie). Bah.
My knee is feeling slightly better. I've washed it and covered it in zinc oxide and it's not stinging as much. It looks disgusting. I'd post a picture but a) that would be a giveaway and b) i don't feel like making you all lose your lunches. Yes, it's that bad.
What else can I babble about? Oh yeah. I've started a little sheet ruling out people according to the statistics I have. People that have been eliminated, websites of those I've found, and etc. It's tacked to my wall. And filled with little X's. I may just win this damn thing yet! Of course, I could lose horribly and become victim #3 and just EAT my words upon the next elimination... heh.
Ted - you sound like you're as addicted as me. I checked this from my COUNSELOR'S office, how sick is that? And whenver I walk into my bedroom, no matter what I came in here to do, I run to the computer and check. It's kind of sad, actually. Also, Indian food is SO good. But Thai food is better. There's this restaurant in my area...which is to DIE for. Mmm. I'm salivating just thinking about it. And you can kiss my knee if you'd like, but it's rather...gross.
Nancy - that is SO sweet. And I have to give you props for having the guts to go out shopping like that. I'm still somewhat in the closet to the public due to just, well, inexperience and my age I guess. I respect you, and will want to kill your master if you're fake.
Philo - Philo, Philo, Philo... I still can't tell if you're real or not. You're my number one guess for Puppetmaster at the moment, simply because of your excellent writing abilities and how you told that duck story. But that could change, and knowing me, it probably will.
James - You and Oprah are both black, both obsessed with food *cough* (that was bad), and both nurturing as hell. Maybe you should start your own talk show?
Bob - you're seeming more and more real to me. Maybe that's just because I'm attracted to your James Bond-ishness.
Okay, that about does it for me.
Posted by Ashley @ 11:15 PM PST [Link]
Ok, so I drove 45 minutes to a University today to go do some research there for my project and have lunch with a friend. And whats the first thing that I do when I get there? Go online to see if I was kicked off. And spending all my free time there checking out PM until I found out that Shea was eliminated (sorry shea, you will be missed!). I swear, I was so freaking paranoid today. And to make it worst, my picture would always be the last one to load, so I always thought I was the one who got kicked off. aiya.
And I had the best lunch ever. I went to this Indian place that I used to go to when I went to the University there. I swear, nan is the best fucking beard in the whole world! (yes, I just bolded nan, its more than just a bread). Needless to say, I stuffed myself silly today because I know I won’t be going back there soon.
Shea I agree with Peter that you were the funniest among us. The whole Things that dangle from the ceiling by their ass need to be killed had me rolling on the floor. And omg, the PM web celeb thing actually happened??? That’s just insane I tell you, insane!!! I totally thought you were blowing smoke up our asses on that one.
Rachael I’m sincerely sorry to hear that your confrontation with your boyfriend didn’t go too well. I do think that you expressing to him that this is a start for you to share more with him about your life is a great beginning to what will hopefully build on an even more stronger relationship. But I would like to tell you that posting about you not enjoying sex with him as much anymore on this particular well read and popular site probably isn’t helping the situation. And if you ever need someone to smoke with, just ask and I’ll have a cig with you anytime.
David loved your metaphor of whats happening here at PM. Its funny because its true. Maybe we can all watch Planet of the Apes or something
Ashley ah, sorry to hear about your bike injury! I can kiss it and make it all better if you want. ^_^
Posted by Ted @ 10:51 PM PST [Link]
Last night it was all I could do to get my topic up and test in and Glory Halleluah, I'm still here! Thank you baby Jesus. God Bless you too Shea. I'll miss your lap dances. Honestly, I didn't know what to make of you early on, but over time I have decided to build a shrine here at Puppetmaster to honor your rather warped sense of delightfully grouchy humor! I'll miss seeing you in these parts, but I'll be checking in lady.
One thing that I've realized with the coming of your definitive reality is that the "You're Shea from Puppetmaster!" encounter actually did happen. If the first two leaving and the things I did not believe about them are any indication of how well I am playing I'm doomed. DOOMED!!!
My biker friend Peter (not our Color Commentary gifted writer Peter) left for The City of Angels this morning and man did it ever rock my world to spend time with him these past two days. I've been playing Julie McCoy a little too much and have been a little lax around here. I'm posting Pete, I'm posting! Thank you to everyone for props about my crazy job story. Maybe it is just that, a story. Fact or Fiction? Only my hairdresser knows for sure.
Where have I been? Peter couldn't come visit San Francisco without a burrito from Pancho Villa, an espresso from Cafe Trieste and the customary picture by the Golden Gate Bridge, could he? The House Mate came with us and we rode the motorcycles all around San Fran. It was a blast. Gosh darn dang it! I burnt another frozen pizza! Wah!
Posted by Philo @ 09:48 PM PST [Link]
Sitting here watching Politically Incorrect and drinking a Nestea Cool. My dog has a serious case of bad gas, and its really starting to make me sick to my stomach. I have a poodle, and I swear he has every disease under the sun. Dry skin, allergies, and aparently bad gas. But maybe its just his old age, he is like 7 or 8 years old now.
Tomorrow I have work, from 5-9:30pm as usual. I'm so tired of those hours its not even funny. Weekdays are so boring at the store and we always watch the same movies. I can't tell you how many times I've seen Charlie's Angels, Bring it On, Meet the Parents, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, The Replacements, etc. Everytime I walk out of the mall I feel like I lost a million of my precious brain cells, and looking at my previous posts I can't really afford those lost cells.
Bertie - I can't wait for SurvivorCam II. You don't understand me. If I could get that setence to sound an more excited I would. I knew Marissa would win, she is a pimpress. And you do manage to swing some excellent fundage for you games don't you? It only pains me that this potential puppet wasn't invited to be a part of the next round's festivities. I thought I proved myself *sobs* Alas, this is the life of a "reality" logger. And thanks, I like my head too.
Rachael - I'm really sorry to hear about Tony's reaction to your journal. Is your journal fairly new to the web? I ask that because I think we all, well those of us with only journal/logs, went through something similar when we showed our pages to those that knew us in real life. While mine wasn't as dramatic ( not a good choice of wording maybe? ) as yours, it still might help. I know when my mom stumbled upon my page I was devistated. This was before I had come out to her, mind you, and my mom was swimming with possible outcomes. At first I lied to her and made up this horribly fragmented story about this and that. She just nodded and accepted it, although I could see that she didn't believe it. We didn't talk that often for a while after that and I knew that I had to do something about it. I swear, I felt like I was on a television drama. I sat my mom down and did the "I need to talk to you" thing. It took me forever, had to have been 2 hours, for me to get around to the topic. I finally just broke down and told her. It was the most relieved I was in my whole life, because she hugged me and asked me "What did you expect me to do? Throw you through the window?" She asked most of the questions Tony asked you. "Why couldn't you tell me?" "Did I not make myself available for talks?" "I didn't know you felt like that..." It all broke me even further because she was upset more at how I felt than my sexuality. I felt like it was all my dramatic mind weaving my actual life into something bigger and better than it actually was.
I calmed down and when I thought about it I realized that my feelings don't have to be justified for anybody but myself. So yeah I've rambled on, and while I doubt it was any help, sometimes its just better to know that others have gone through things similar to what you are currently going through.
Everything will be all good between you and Tony, no matter how it turns out.
*closes his book* Damn, I feel like I'm on Oprah or something.
Posted by James @ 09:48 PM PST [Link]
Last night it was all I could do to get my topic up and test in and Glory Halleluah, I'm still here! Thank you baby Jesus. God Bless you too Shea. I'll miss your lap dances. Honestly, I didn't know what to make of you early on, but over time I have decided to build a shrine here at Puppetmaster to honor your rather warped sense of delightfully grouchy humor! I'll miss seeing you in these parts, but I'll be checking in lady.
One thing that I've realized with the coming of your definitive reality is that the "You're Shea from Puppetmaster!" encounter actually did happen. If the first two leaving and the things I did not believe about them are any indication of how well I am playing I'm doomed. DOOMED!!!
My biker friend Peter (not our Color Commentary gifted writer Peter) left for The City of Angels this morning and man did it ever rock my world to spend time with him these past two days. I've been playing Julie McCoy a little too much and have been a little lax around here. I'm posting Pete, I'm posting! Thank you to everyone for props about my crazy job story. Maybe it is just that, a story. Fact or Fiction? Only my hairdresser knows for sure.
Where have I been? Peter couldn't come visit San Francisco without a burrito from Pancho Villa, an espresso from Cafe Trieste and the customary picture by the Golden Gate Bridge, could he? The House Mate came with us and we rode the motorcycles all around San Fran. It was a blast. Gosh darn dang it! I burnt another frozen pizza! Wah!
Posted by Philo @ 09:37 PM PST [Link]
Oh Shae, I am sorry to see you go. I was driving home from the movies (more on that later) and was thinking about the quiz, hoping I answered well and most off hoping that when I logged on, my pic wouldn't be faded out. In fact I didn't even notice Shae was the one until I read a post. Me and my keen obsersvational skills.
Well, I had a well deserved day off today. I was awoken this morning by the phone and in my tired state answered it with, "Fredmeyers Home Electronics." The Microsoft Representative laughed quite a bit when I abruptly corrected myself and then told me I should be getting my copy of Windows XP in the next couple weeks. I'm happy about this.
I was lazy, only getting out of my pj's at 3pm today so I could take my brother and sister to see A.I. I am not usually one who enjoys the previews, but today's were exceptional. There was Lord of the Rings, which happenes to my current desktop, Harry Potter which looks very cool and then a teaser for The Time Machine which I am terribly excited about. Well, A.I. was very cool. Though, next time I see a film like that I will not take my chatty sister and my 9yo brother.
My mom just told me that my cousin was told she couldn't go back to college next year because she failed her math class. I feel bad for her. I was able to relate to her before because I was also on Acedemic Probation, which sounds a lot more frightening then it really is, but now, oh goodness I just feel horrible. And it wasn't like she was fuckign up like skipping class and not doing homework, she was a genuinely good student, she just had a terrible time with math and some horrid medical problems last year. I hope everything works out of her though, she really deserves a break.
Posted by Meghan @ 07:37 PM PST [Link]
I'm not looking forward to the results of that test. I had a lot on my mind this morning when I filled it out before work. I'm not even sure I care very much if my time is up anyway. This is going to be difficult for me to write.
Last night I met Tony and I told him the truth. He had been wondering what I wanted to talk about. He thought he was in trouble for something. My having an internet journal was not an option that had crossed his mind. At first he was very cool about it. When I told him about Puppetmaster he was even genuinely excited. I was so relieved. We went for sushi and afterwards he wanted to see it all for himself. I signed on and he started with my journal. I could see him become more and more agitated as he read. He kept reading and I felt the distance between us grow. Then he started in on it. "Why couldn't you tell ME how you felt?" "How come I never knew I hurt your feelings?" "What do you mean you're not enjoying sex with me as much as you used to?" "Why is all this on the web Rachael for everyone to read and I don't even know anything about it?"
The more he spoke the more I wanted a cigarette. When I lit one Tony started in on that too. "Have you been smoking all this time and hiding that from me too?" We ended up talking for a quite awhile. I didn't and still don't have a decent answer for is why I didn't tell him about all this in the first place. I know I had my reasons, but none of them carry any weight anymore, not even with me. It's the question I keep getting stuck on. The answers just lead to more questions. Am I really afraid to be that intimate? Should I be seeing a therpist? Have I been holding back, or am I pretending that I care about Tony more than I genuinely do? I don't really care if he reads this anymore. I honestly don't know very much right now. When he said he felt like he didn't really know me, I did tell him I wanted to change that and I do. I explained that telling him this was part of doing just that. I wanted things to change. He said he hoped so too and he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.
It wasn't the worse case scenario I could have imagined, but it was pretty close. At least it's over. I do feel a sense of relief that it's all out in the open. The hard part is it's very wierd when you realize many of the problems you are having with someone might be all your fault. Do you ever wonder how screwed up you are or is this really just being normal? I was up late last night and I would sign on to Puppetmaster, but I just couldn't put anything into words. I called Tony at work this morning and he was polite. He said he'd meet me Thursday night. I hope I have the right thing to say.
I'm sorry I haven't posted lately. Nicole's making me dinner and I'll write more tonight when I get back. Oh, it was Shea. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm going to miss you Shea. And while I'm apologizing I'm sorry for saying you were retarded. I really didn't mean it. Anyways. I'm late.
Posted by Rachael @ 06:53 PM PST [Link]
Wow. Shea of all people. Everytime these quizes roll around I'm amazed by the outcome. I come to the page half expecting to see my portrait greyed out and "eliminated" plastered on it or when I log on to AIM I'm expecting Ernie to msg me with a cute way of saying "Ha, Ha, idiot. You gots ta go." But I'm still here.
*swoons* @ Nancy. I swear, you are so romantic... even if you're only buying a ring (only?). If you were a boy, I'd be all over your jock. I know what you mean with all that trouble picking out rings for ladies. I always used to go with my dad to help pick out gifts for my mom. Me and my mom are really close and have the same tastes in many aspects, so I'd be the authority on her or something. Ri