My Archives: August 2001

Saturday, August 4, 2001

Oh wow, that was embarassing. I just went upstairs to say goodnight to my younger brother and my dad. I was only half dressed - wearing a tshirt and underwear - but no big deal around your family, right? So, I walk into the living room, lean down, and give my little bro, Michael, a big hug. Only, as I bent down to kiss his head, I realized it WASN'T Michael, it was his friend Brian, a guy with the same haircut/colour and build.

My brother goes, "OH GROSS! I'M SORRY BRIAN!" I turn 50 shades of red, apologize, and dart downstairs, Brian is SILENT, and my dad is cracking up. The worst part was when I had to go back up for the milk I'd forgotten to grab in my humiliation 5 minutes ago, and my brother yells, "HEY, YOU GOT SOME CLOTHES ON NOW?"

Why, yes I do.

Posted by Ashley @ 11:50 PM PST [Link]

I quit my job today. Friday I was late for work. I slept through my alarm several hours. Our new manager was not pleased. Tony and I talked last night and I couldn't do it. It was one thing to know something while talking to Nicole. It was another with Tony sitting in front of me. We discussed everything for some time. I have decided to move to Alaska.

I do not know if it is the right decision, but it has been made. You should have seen Tony's face when I said yes. He was so happy. The best part was giving notice at work today. In two weeks I will be leaving Starbucks. Tony and I talked about my transfer to the store in Juneau. I don't want to do it. He said not to worry. He'll be making more than enough money for me to look for new employment. I do not know what I even want to do. I guess I will wait and see.

We are going to Spacefunk tonight at the Backdoor Lounge. I have never been there before. Tony wanted to go. It is a coworker's birthday and everyone will be there tonight from his office. It has also turned into something for a relocation party. I will meeting the others going to Juneau. That will be good. Those who are not relocating will be there as well.

Posted by Rachael @ 10:02 PM PST [Link]

The Fat Tony Conspiracy Theory:

This is why I think Ashley is obviously the puppet. I don’t have the usual reasons for why Ashley is the puppet, but as you’ll see, it’s a much more devious answer than anyone could have possibly ever imagined. If you dissect the spelling of the name "Ashley", you can rearrange it so that you have a combination of H-A-L and S-E-Y. Now Hal is a boy’s name, (we’ll talk about the S-E-Y later), but who is among the most famous of Hal’s? The artificial intelligent deranged computer in 2001 Space Odyssey. And who directed 2001? The brilliant Stanley Kubrick, who’s last project was A.I, a movie about advanced "puppets".

But this conspiracy doesn’t stop there, Who actually directed A.I? Steven Spieberg, who also made Saving Private Ryan. And exactly who was Private Ryan? Matt Damon, who was also The Talented Mr. Ripley. Now, who was the main girl in that movie? Gwyneth Paltrow, who I saw one time at this Thai restaurant called Torung’s. Now, what movie that recently came out was about a Thai King? Anna and the King. Who was Anna? None other than Jodie Foster who got her first acting role as a 12-year-old prostitute in the Taxi Driver. But who exactly was the Taxi Driver? Robert De Niro, who also played the young Godfather in Godfather 2. And who is another famous and notorious Italian Mobster??? Fat Tony from the Simpsons.

And didn’t the Simpsons one time make a musical of the Planet of the Apes starring Troy McClure??? And isn’t it strange that there’s a new remake of The Planet of the Apes playing in theaters right now? And who was one of the main apes in the movie? Duncan James Crowell, who got his first major acting role in The Green Mile. And who was that friendly giant’s best friend in the movie? A mouse. And exactly who is the most famous mouse in the whole world? MICKEY MOUSE of Disney. And what Disney movie made the most famous Puppet of all time? PINNOCCHIO, the king of all puppets. And if you take the left-over letters from Ashley’s name (besides the H-A-L), you would get S-E-Y, which conveniently is also in the spelling of diSnEY. This proves without a doubt that Ashley is the puppet. There can be no other reason for all these similarities and relationships (except maybe my sanity).

Damn, I knew Ernie was a smart guy, but I didn’t think he would take it this far to hide the puppet like that. You’re good Ernie, but I’m on to you.

(btw, I could have just said Ashley-->Hal-->Kubrick-->Spielberg-->Tom Hanks-->Green Mile-->Duncan Crowell-->Disney, but that would have been too obvious of an answer).

Posted by Ted @ 09:22 PM PST [Link]

Gee it's quiet around here. David, I miss you and your morning posts! <3

Peter: Mark and I will not be eloping any time soon. And he's already tried to get me to move in with him which I've outright refused. I'm too young.

Eva: Sounds like you're having more fun than cup-full-of-boredom! Tell him so, and make sure you rub it in reaaaal well.

Ted: Get the waitresses phone number? Tip for drunk friends: make them do idiotic things and photograph it.

Philo: ...hasn't managed to respond to my marriage proposal. Aw.

Rachael: Be sure to keep us posted on how much you've drank and how many pills you've popped. I'm giddy at the idea.

Posted by Ashley @ 08:16 PM PST [Link]

So, I checked friendsreunited.co.uk again to see what people I went to school with have been up to. This seems to involve getting married and becoming accountants. Or something. Here's what the little shit who bullied me for years when I was a kid had to say for himself:

Prototype Engineer for structural packaging design firm in Notting Hill.

What does that mean? I like to think it means his life is incredibly dull. Last night I had a dream that I met him and he was very polite to me. He offered me a job with his company. It was making cardboard boxes for sports socks, I think. I thanked him but explained that I was happier having an uncertain future. Then I got in a plane and flew over the Reading Festival and a strange old woman told me about The Ghost Of The Plane.

The night before that, I dreamed that I got all these voicemail messages from friends asking me if I was going to the funeral, and I was freaked out because I didn't know who had died. Fortunately it turned out to be Leonard, who doesn't exist. I also went to my old flat and found a book in a drawer in the kitchen. It was called "The Peppermoth" and it was written by Jill Matrix. I was very excited.

David, I don't think I ever found out which of your stories was the lie. Will you tell us now, please? As for me, I've enjoyed reading the commentators' analysis, and am pleased to tell you all that it was actually #3. I put together the story using only the keywords "pasta", "shower rod", and "co-dependent". Go me! And Peter, I'd love a CD. Thanks for the offer. I don't even have sound on my computer, so I still haven't heard any of your songs. You're also welcome to visit any time. I was going to finish this post with something witty but inspiration has just gone out the window.

Posted by Eva @ 09:20 AM PST [Link]

I was going to tell you all about how I'm the puppet, but Ashley already decided she is, so I'll leave her to it. Instead I propose looking at this game somewhat differently.

The Adventure Game was a TV show from my early childhood which I still remember fondly. Once in a while I will ask people if they saw it and prompt them: "There was this big vortex grid thing and someone trapped in a dark room with an infra red EXIT sign and a woman who fed piranha fish and the king was an aspidistra plant" until they get that eureka look on their face and declare they just thought it was a weird dream they had once.

If you were a contestant on The Adventure Game, you were pretty fucked, basically, because puzzles and their rules didn't follow the logic that human beings have come to expect. For example:

How many Drogna in the Pool?
The contestants had to guess how many drogna were in the pool by an arrangement of drogna pieces shown to them by the Butler, in reality this had nothing to do with it and could only be guessed by watching how many fingers the butler had resting on the table.

Following this train of thought, I suggest that Belinda is the puppet. Hell, I can't find her website.

Posted by Eva @ 05:02 AM PST [Link]

Ugh, it's been kind of a crazy day! Had to deal with some work stuff today after all then went to school to answer phones. They have two rates. One is straight full on tuition and the other is lower tuition with volunteer hours and tonight was my weekly shift at the front desk. The House Mate had some friends here when I got home and we've been hot tubbin it and kickin back. Excellent night. I did want to say something to you all you disaffected young people before I crash though. I have school all day tomorrow and then tomorrow night I'm gonna try and get my site redesign finished and up so I'm ready for whenever the next quiz rolls through. Can't imagine I'll make it to the final four, but ya never know. I wish I knew how I'm doing compared to the rest of yuz.

Eva: Ooo! I'm looking forward to seeing Emilie. I love both of Caro and Juenet's films and a new one out is totally good news!

Ashley: Going off on people for no apparent reason and without provocation? Thank you for confirming what I already know puppetgirl.

Rachael: Pills and booze ain't a good combination. I hope you're talking with Tony went well if you decided to do that. Let us know, ok?

Ted: Was your whole drunken night of regurgitation ghostwritten too?

Peter: Thanks for rootin for me! Yay!

Rabi: You cracked me up today. You rule the school.

Eve: Hope your east coast weekend is a goodie. I bet you are checking in.

Bertie: Where are ya? I miss you.

Posted by Philo @ 01:49 AM PST [Link]

I think I am the puppet. Know why? I'll tell you why.

1) I am fairly intelligent, yet shockingly immature at times, for someone my age. This is evidence of an older puppetmaster's frustration with me, and how they have gotten sick of writing my character.
2) Real people do not get drunk and tackle joggers. Realer people do not get drunk and flood neighbour's houses.
3) I honestly have no idea where I am, what I'm doing, or what I plan to most of the time.

On a completely different tangent, I would like to marry Philo. Except for the two pesky facts that have been bothering me, he's a) gay and b) 20 years older than me. Damn it all.

Posted by Ashley @ 12:44 AM PST [Link]

Friday, August 3, 2001

Shea doesn't like me either :( how sad. I actually DO like her, and am an avid reader of her journal. Oh well. I guess that's what I get for being a bitch. Work was good, it was rather quiet except right at the end. When it was over, I sat outside and smoked until it got dark, staring at the clouds in the sky. It was relaxing.

Cooked myself soup after relaxing when I got home, and am thinking about going to bed. I've been thinking a lot... too much, lately, and have managed to get myself into some type of depressed funk which is never good. I keep thinking about everything I have to do, and what I want to do with my life, and I wonder... if I'm going to be a successful person, make a difference, everything everyone wonders about at some point. I'm a tiny part of what makes the world what it is, and somehow I don't feel like I measure up right now. But I suppose that this is something that the angstyglamgothgirl would say, right?

Yeah, I thought so.

Posted by Ashley @ 10:59 PM PST [Link]

hmmm... things just got really interesting. heh

Eva - Sorry to hear about your breakup. long distance relationships are seriously hard to maintain. hope things go ok with you guys.

Posted by Ted @ 09:00 PM PST [Link]

So last night, me and some buds decided to go to this one bar. Only it wasn’t really a bar, it was more like a room. The entrance was in this alleyway, and there was only a red light and a bouncer outside, otherwise you wouldn’t even know that it existed. I’m not a big drinker, so I spent most of the night just smoking away and talking with my friends. Our waitress was really cute and her name was Canon. "Like the camera", she said. If there was ever a name to fall in love with for me, THAT would be the name to do so.

Anyways, so as the night progressed, I noticed that two of my friends were getting drunker and drunker. One of them…..oh…lets just call him Vince….Was hitting every girl there regardless of whether they had someone with them or not. One of the highlights was one he was trying to pick up this one girl and FO LLOWED her to the women’s restroom. When he did that, a bunch of guys behind me, who also saw him, said "No, don’t stop him, I dig that cat"!!!

While this was happening, my friend…Brad was starting to get seriously drunk. He fell on the floor and we had to pick him up and feed him water. THEN he decided to throw up on the table that we were sitting at. The waitress Canon freaked out and called the bouncer on us. We had to convince Brad that we needed to leave, like fast. He started to argue legality with us. "This place is financially responsible for my welfare"…"they can’t kick us out", said Brad as he was lying on the couch throwing up.

When we finally got him to leave, we basically dragged his ass outside to sit on that dirty ass alley floor with vomit all over his shirt. When we started to walk to the car, my friend Vince, who was also drunk off his ass, managed to hit on every girl that we saw on the way. Maybe like 10 girls in 10 minutes. I think it was a new record for him , And as my other friend Les mentioned, I don’t think we can go back to that room…er….bar for a while. Good times good times…

Posted by Ted @ 04:37 PM PST [Link]

Awww. Rabi, maker of collages that look like they require the skill level of a 5 year old, doesn't seem to like me. Boo-hoo. My heart is heavy, and from this day forth, I shall be in Deep Pain And Regret. My life is over. (and for the record, I have two part time jobs. kthxbi)

Anyway.

Plans to move out are coming along fine now, and I'm getting rather nervous about all the responsibility that'll come with it. I had a talk with the girl who is supposed to be one of my new roommates last night (we'd never spoken before, our mutual friend who is moving in with me wanted her to come along... and thought we'd GET along fine...) who has now decided that she a) does not want to live in an apartment, she wants to rent a CONDO - and b) wants to get a large dog. Okay. Does anyone see any apparent problems here besides EVERYTHING?

a) Condos are WAY MORE EXPENSIVE than apartments. She claims this is not true, but I don't believe I have EVER seen a condo cheaper than an apartment. And, while we're all saving for education/courses, etc. we need to save all the money we can. This does not get through to her.
b) Big dogs CANNOT be kept cooped up in an apartment. A condo, maybe, but that was discussed in a.
c) She's decided she might want to live in ALBERTA, and is trying to convince my soon-to-be-roomie and I that this is a good idea. NO. NONONONO.

So, turns out that she's not the most practical person in the world, but that's okay. If she wants to live in a condo, with a big dog, in Alberta, let her. I just won't be tagging along, and neither will soon-to-be-roommate. (We'll call her Jane, for posterity.) Looks like Jane and I need to look for a new roomie.

Posted by Ashley @ 02:00 PM PST [Link]

David, I'm sorry you left, too. You were also one of my favourites and I hope we'll be in touch once I'm outta here.

Pop culture references for this entry:

Ashley: Wesley Willis. Yes. Rock'n'roll McDonalds. That is all I have to say on the matter.

Philo: I love City of Lost Children too. I have the soundtrack. Did you know Jeunet & Caro have a new film called Amelie? It's going to be in the Edinburgh Film Festival this month but I'm holding out because it will be released properly a couple of months later and I'll be able to see it way cheaper. Same goes for Hedwig and Ghost World. I'm currently trying to work out which of the films on offer I MUST see NOW or risk never having the chance again. I bought a paper on Sunday because it proclaimed "2 for 1 film festival tickets!" but then I discovered after buying it that it only applied to full price (which is £9 or £7, either way it's shocking), not concessions. OK, so I'm no longer a student or unemployed, but I'm pretty broke and I'm good at passing for a student, so that's what I plan to do.

Right, now that part's out of the way.

So I had my last day today at the Indian place. I will miss them! Especially the boss' husband who is just such a lovely guy and was always making jokes with me. And the Palestinian guy who made sure I got fed every day. I don't think I fucked up too much in the end. Well, I hope not.

After that, I came home and kind of, well, split up with my boyfriend. He just arrived yesterday (that's why I didn't post). I don't think any sane person ever has advocated a long-distance relationship (sorry Rachael). And I just couldn't do it any more. Not just the long-distance side of it but I don't want to be in a relationship either. For a while there I felt restricted by the fact that he wanted it to be monogamous and I didn't. Now, surprisingly, that isn't even an issue because somehow I'm thinking maybe I should just be celibate for a while. I don't know. I'm just not interested in anyone right now and I don't care.

I feel really bad for ending it. I knew I should've said something before but I think it's worse to do shit like this over the phone or e-mail. Believe me, I've been on the receiving end. Anyway, so I managed to get myself all worked up about it even though it was my decision to end it. But I guess it went OK. As OK as you'd expect anyway.

I've probably been doing too much analysing lately and I need to just leave it be, but it seems that the vast majority of relationships I get myself into involve the other person having stronger feelings for me than I have for them. Eventually I see that it can't go on any longer, I make my decision, I end it. I never fake enthusiasm when it's not there or lead people on or make promises I can't keep. I always let people know just what the deal is. I know I am in a better position than they are. I just can't really do anything about that, but I feel bad to end up hurting people.

OK, shut up Eva.

Posted by Eva @ 10:15 AM PST [Link]

HOLY SHIT!!! WE'RE FAMOUS!!!

So I ran around town tonight looking for the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, and almost gave up until my friend happened to find one. We're part of this whole article devoted to bloggers and such and how it’s becoming a phenomenon. Puppetmaster is listed as second out of five sites, including Neil Gaiman’sand this guy whos pretending he's Snoop doggy dog. Here’s the whole section about puppetmaster.

Puppetmaster (http://www.littleyellowdifferent.com/puppetmaster/)

From those blogsters who brought us SURVIVORblog and SURVIVORblog2(littleyellowdifferent.com/survivor2) comes a game similar to ABC’s The Mole: Twelve disaffected young people write blogs, like disaffected young people do all over the Net. Except that one of them is a fake disaffected young person! The others try to root out the poser for a minimum of $75 in prize money.

I practically almost jizzed on myself when I saw that. Ok… side story.

Me: Hey Steve, how do you spell jizzed?
Steve: How the fuck would I know???
Me: Dude, I was just asking.

So EW decided to give us a B-. That’s ok, the guy pretending to be Snoop Dog got a C+

Posted by Ted @ 04:21 AM PST [Link]

Excuse me while I swoon. That was probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever written about me (disregarding the fact that it says I'm fake...), except when Mark wrote a song about me. That made me cry.

Posted by Ashley @ 02:10 AM PST [Link]

The dishes are washed and I couldn't help but find myself thinking tonight about our antibacterial dishwashing liquid. I mean this stuff kills bacteria, right? and we keep pouring it down our drains where it flows someplace and then theoretically at least goes right on killing more bacteria. Does it flow anywhere bacteria are, well, necessary? Something seems not quite right here, but don't I feel safe from pesky germs on my forks and knives and spoons.

Our jacuzzi has this thing in it called the "Ozone-ater" and it supposedly pumps ozone into the water. This ozone combines with the bromite from the tablet we toss in and somehow all the bacteria molecules rise to the surface and evaporate or die or something like that. I wonder, is pumping Ozone into our water releasing more Ozone into the environment? Is that a bad thing, or are we helping Mother Nature? Don't we all need a little more Ozone in our lives? Are the holes in our planet's atmosphere at the North Pole getting filled in thanks to all the redwood hot tubs in Northern California?

I met this girl once who was terrified of bacteria. She would use a napkin to open doors or answer telephones. We went out to eat once and she had brought her own silverware with her in her purse in a clear ziplock baggie. She said, "I know these are clean." It reminded me of the Boy in the Plastic Bubble. John Travolta as a young boy with no immune system. He is so sensitive to bacteria and the environment he spends his whole life wrapped in plastic. He had a physical issue though. My friend's is mental.

Someone in our game seems to have a mental problem. She forgets where she lives. She forgets she's 17 years old. She's going to college, no wait, she never wanted to go to college. I'm surprised her puppetmaster had the nerve to mention Zellers a second time, it being the only link to Vancouver that they've been bothered to make. Ashley at her very best drinks too much and does unbelievably outrageous things like flood her neighbor's house. The reason it's all so unbelievable is because none of it has ever happened. Her boyfriend wants to be in a band and she's jealous of the time he spends rehearsing... Her life reads like a choppy MTV music video - which she herself was probably watching one night in a country that does not have MTV in the first place. Every now and then she'll start something, but it's pretty clear it's just her Puppetmaster talking. Like when she started the let's find the cheat campaign. Of course when went with her on it she backed off without a peep. It's gotta be tough when someone else keeps putting words in your mouth Ashley to run interference, but not that much interference.

Way up to the north in Ashey's Canada I have heard you can sit at night and watch the Aurora Borealis. I've never seen it, but it's a dream of mine to before I die. Ashley is the Aurora Borealis of this game. She's beautiful, colorful, dreamy - and yet she's just light and dots coming together in our fractured Ozone to create an image that isn't there. Still, given the chance, I'd spare her the hardcore anti-bacterial when this game is over. I'd like her memory to stick around. It is infectious. She's been one of my favorites from the start and even though she isn't real, she is a beautiful creation. Kudos to your puppetmaster.

Posted by Philo @ 01:41 AM PST [Link]

Dear Rachael,

I do believe you're the single most annoying person I have ever encountered in my entire life. All of your posts revolve around your inane life, your idiotic boyfriend, and brilliantly display how little brainpower you truly possess. I am sick of hearing about your relationship with Tony, you babbling about how great Nicole is, and how your manager is an asshole. Please, do us all a favour, and shut the fuck up.

All my love,
Ashley

Posted by Ashley @ 01:35 AM PST [Link]

David is gone. I am sad to see him go, though I am glad he is real. It seems everyone is leaving. They always do. My first boyfriend left. We were together throughout high school. Then his father died and he had to help with the family business. His parents were divorced. He said he would be back, but he never returned.

We kept in touch for a few months before our lives became so busy. It is funny. I have not thought of him in a long time. Tony is leaving. He is going to Alaska with his company. I have no interest in Alaska. I also do not wish to stand his way. I don't want him to stay here on account of me. I want him to do what feels right.

Nicole and I met for dinner tonight. We went to Trattoria Michelli and had garlic pasta. She was upset that I was considering moving to Alaska when I do not want to go. She helped me see it isn't right. It also isn't right for him to stay either. I think what I need to do is end our relationship. Nicole was so helpful. She was really there for me when I needed her. I hope someday to be able to return her kindness.

Tony says he will be there for a year. People often say things they know nothing about. They do not know what the future holds, yet they act as if they do. They act as if words are facts. They are not. I am drinking white wine and smoking too many cigarettes. I am rather intoxicated I imagine. I should not be drinking with these pills. My doctor gave them to me for stress. There is too much stress in my life right now.

Posted by Rachael @ 12:28 AM PST [Link]

Thursday, August 2, 2001

It's time for another episode of... Information you don't really care about! Tonight, we will be discussing Ashley's work schedule and why she will be the next to be kicked off Puppetmaster. My name is Ashley's Overtired Mind, and I'll be your host. First things first, a word from our sponsor, Insomnia! The thing you can do without!

Hey boys and girls, my name is I-N-S-O-M-N-I-A. I am Ashley's best friend, we get along great! We do fun things together, such as Make Ashley Look Like An Idiot, and Make Ashley Uncomprehendable. Insomnia! All the cool kids have it! Do YOU?

(...And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...)

*
Jul 29 Sun - 02:00PM - 06:00PM - Zellers
Jul 30 Mon - 12:00PM - 08:00PM - TimHort
Aug 01 Wed - 05:00PM - 09:00PM - Zellers
Aug 03 Fri - 05:00PM - 09:00PM - Zellers
Aug 04 Sat - 02:00PM - 06:30PM - Zellers
Aug 05 Sun - 02:00PM - 06:00PM - Zellers
Aug 06 Mon - 10:00AM - 02:00PM - TimHort
Aug 06 Mon - 03:00PM - 07:00PM - Zellers
Aug 07 Tue - 10:00AM - 02:00PM - TimHort
Aug 08 Wed - 10:00AM - 02:00PM - TimHort
Aug 09 Thu - 04:30PM - 09:00PM - Zellers
Aug 11 Sat - 02:00PM - 06:30PM - Zellers
*

Ashley's work week is rather hellish. She's not too happy about it, and is here to discuss with me, A.O.M., how she feels about it. Ashley?

Ashley: Fuck off.

Well, there you have it folks. Straight from the horses mouth. She also says she'll be next to go on PuppetMaster, which I'm SURE is a crowdpleaser - the Angry Angsty Glam Goth Girl That Talks Too Much About Her Boyfriend will be gone! Hooray!

Thank you for tuning in, and be sure to again tomorrow, when she'll surely be even more bitter from working with the General Public for the better part of her night.

Posted by Ashley @ 08:31 PM PST [Link]

I'm still here!!?!! Woo Hoo!!!! I'm gonna run outside naked and do the antler dance!!!! David, I'll miss ya man, but I'm gonna get that friggin medal!!! Wait, I'm gonna keep my clothes on and do the antler dance when I find a copy of Entertainment Weekly! Has anyone verified this?

Posted by Philo @ 08:04 PM PST [Link]

NEWS FLASH!!!

My friend tells me that Puppetmaster is in Entertainment Weekly issue 8/10!!!!! page 73. WTF??? How scary is that if this is true. Can someone please confirm?

David - I'm really sorry to see you go. You were definitely one of my faves.

Posted by Ted @ 05:41 PM PST [Link]

Banana slurpee, oh how I love you so. I need to get a life. It's gorgeous outside. Who knew? And here I am with my day off and rather than getting my room clean (which looks like a bomb hit it), or relaxing someplace in the sunshine, I've been putting a few last touches on my site cause I think my number is getting called. I'm cool if it is. 4th place is cool, right? Sorta? but I'd love 3rd. Fuck, you know I wanna win, but a bronze medal would rock. You know in the Olympics those people who take 4th must be so bummed. They go home and everybody's like "Did you get a medal?" and they're like "No, I took 4th though."

I'm listening to Death by Chocolate. For a moment I thought I smelled the Moroccan stench of mustard burning, but I was confused. The squirrels are scampering outside and stuffing big fat nutty seeds into their cheeks. I'm snackin on stale tortilla chips and drinking too many glasses of ice tea. David, I hope you get the job. Can I talk about the best movies I have ever seen now? City of Lost Children, The Rapture, Requium for a Dream, Law of Desire, Trust, The Cook The Thief His Wife and her Lover... I'm gonna go to the store so i have something around here to eat. That's good thinking.

Posted by Philo @ 05:30 PM PST [Link]

Ok, that quiz was the hardest so far. If this is to be my turn, I will leave you all with this song.

red wine and sleeping pills
help me get back to your arms
cheap sex and sad films
help me get where I belong
I think you're crazy, maybe
I think you're crazy, maybe
stop sending letters
letters always get burned
it's not like the movies
they fed us on little white lies
I think you're crazy, maybe
I think you're crazy, maybe
I will see you in the next life

-radiohead

Posted by Ted @ 05:07 PM PST [Link]

Coffee place called today at 9AM, and I turned down an 8 hour shift. Probably not the smartest thing to do, but I'd only gone to bed at around 7AM. I NORMALLY would have toughed it out and taken it - you know, but I'd had 12 horus of sleep in the 3 nights before it, and I just couldn't make myself... and now I feel guilty, because it's the place I actually want to work for full time. I should have just gotten up, gone, and drank a shitload of caffeine. And I could have come home and slept. Grr. Now I'm mad at myself.

Posted by Ashley @ 02:51 PM PST [Link]

Booyah!

I don't know how well I did on that quiz, but I just had myself a really good job interview, people. I think it went very well (bearing in mind that my last couple of interviews went very well too, and I didn't get those jobs). But I also found out I'm one of two candidates at this point, so all I need is for the other one to screw up, right?

Hey Ted, hope your studying is going better. When's your deadline? That's what usually gets me off my butt...

Posted by David @ 12:09 PM PST [Link]

I smell sweet freedom too, but it's freedom from this game I think. I'm off to breakfast, then my interview--wish me luck all!

Posted by David @ 04:14 AM PST [Link]

Ok peoples, my quiz is in. And guess what? I think I smell somethin. Why yes, it's the sweet sweet smell of freedom rollin on in. I stayed late at work tonight takin care of business - and now I'm free and clear til Monday morning! Woo Hoo! I'm cashing in the comp time. So, if I make this next quiz cut I'll have more time to yak - and if I don't I'll have more time for, uh, something. Laying naked on a hot beach in the sun. Listening to Mary J. Blige with the sunroof open. Snackin on Lemon Zest Luna Bars and dragonfruit flavored Wellness Water while I hit the thrift stores. Maybe I'll take my camera out and snap some tasty pix for MY site. I haven't done that in weeks - It's gonna be sweet! First item at the top of my agenda: Sleeeeep in.

Eve: My name is pronounced with both vowels hard, "figh-low" as you put it. And thank you!!! I had no idea there were other Haia encounters on the web. It was a trip to read one today, even if it did sound suspiciously similar to mine. That story is true as is The Police concert story. My father and I never went to Death Valley, though I admit I stole the story from my friend Cayenne. It's a lie for me, but it's the truth for her. Her Dad and her picked up hitch hikers in Death Valley who vanished into thin air. Swear.

Rachael: Alaska? that sucks...

Eva: What makes you think you've only had one past life? You're way more evolved than that baby. Movies I have seen countless times: top of the list is Smokey and the Bandit. I was living in Colorado for a summer with my grandfather in a dustbowl town with nothing to do. Every day I went to the town pool to swim, and every night I went to the movies. The town had one theater and I ran Smokey and the Bandit for the entire summer. Other top viewings: Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Polyester, Showgirls, Harold and Maude... It's funny that the movies I've seen the most aren't films that would even make my top ten list.

David: Hope things are goin swell.

Posted by Philo @ 03:25 AM PST [Link]

For the past three days I've been trying to study... for THREE days! And how much work did I get done? 1 fucking paragraph!!! god damn... I do believe I'm the most lazy man alive. Anybody lazier would just be damn scary. Like "too lazy to get out of the house so I'll order my food online with my reaching stick" lazy.

Its crunch time with that quiz... damn ernie, quizes are just getting harder and harder.

Posted by Ted @ 03:06 AM PST [Link]

THIS IS THE SONG...that i'm gonna rap about
It's called that... I'm sorry that I got fat, I will slim down.
This is the song that is reminding me that I'm
Fixing to lose weight and go on a strict diet
The first time that I got fat, I was eating those
Fatty hamburgers and fries and all of that
Before I got fat, I was slim, that was this time
I was eating McDonalds...I kept eating McDonalds
For five years from 1987 to 19....91.
That's when I became fat, a year later, I'm doing something about it.
I'm sorry that I got fat, I'm sorry that I got fat
I will slim down.

Oh my god Wesley Willis is hilarious. He things such as "The Chicken Cow", "I Whupped Batman's Ass", and "I Murdered Your Family". Sorry if I've offended anyone.

Posted by Ashley @ 02:55 AM PST [Link]

Wednesday, August 1, 2001

Last night I went to see Tony. He wanted to talk. When I arrived I could tell it was something important. He kept trying to speak about trivial things. Work was fine Tony. Puppetmaster is going well Tony. What did you need to discuss? The company he works for is relocating their Seattle office. They are moving everything to Juneau, Alaska.

It was not until he explained he was thinking of going with them I realized what was happening. When he told me there is a Starbucks in Juneau I understood how serious he was. The salary they offered him to relocate is unbelievable. It is nearly twice what he makes presently and he does quite well financially.

The furthest North I have been is Vancouver Island. My mother's friend Norma lives on a house boat in Maple Bay. She and I visited her once. It was just the two of us on that trip. Norma took us sailing for a day up the coast. The further North we went the more beautiful it became. I imagine Alaska is breathtaking, but what would I do there?

To complicate matters the new store Manager had a word with me today. He said I seemed distracted and that wouldn't do. He said I need to get with the new program or find another store to transfer to. He makes me realize how tired I am of working for Starbucks. I don't want to transfer to another store, even if I do go to Juneau. I can not see myself in Alaska though. I can't see it at all.

I do not like being cold. All I have heard to do in Alaska is can fish and get drunk. Tony and I had dinner at the Broadway Grill tonight. We dined outside and spoke about this again at length. The difference tonight is he has decided he wants to go, but it all depends on me. I love him a lot, but do I love him enough to move to Alaska? I don't know at present. I really do not know. I feel ill. I have been sitting here tonight chain smoking, eating Saltines and drinking white wine. Anyways. Belinda, my three candies of late are Toblerone, Smint and gummy bears.

Posted by Rachael @ 11:49 PM PST [Link]

I found out what Ernie has been doing in his spare time...

Posted by Ashley @ 10:26 PM PST [Link]

So I was cleaning out my place last night, and I found out that I had forgot about a Jury Summons notice. I was suppose to report in two days ago. *sigh* So I woke up this morning at 6:20 (wtf???) to make sure I call and tell them whats up before they slap a warrant on my ass.

Ashley - What? The third story about the nutella was the lie? I think I can speak for most of our male readers here when I say we all wished that one were true.

Eva Oh my god Human Traffic was so good. It was like Trainspotting, but funny.

Posted by Ted @ 05:04 PM PST [Link]

Well, I'm at my hotel, which is so fancy-schmancy that it has a computer I can use frivolously. Congratulations Ashley on being the best BS-detector! (Somehow the idea that the best BS-detector would even NEED immunity doesn't ring quite true--but I suppose anyone could have an off day once in a while. So, enjoy not having to worry about it!)

I don't think I've ever been on a flight that was quite this full. I overheard the flight attendants saying something about how there was ONE empty seat somewhere or other. Man.

And driving to the airport, I remembered a story I should have used for the immunity challenge:

It was another flight to another job interview, some time last year. I got everything ready, drove the hour and a half to the airport, and couldn't find parking on-site (it was a heavy travel day or something). So I parked out at one of the remote lots with a shuttle to the terminals. Getting off the shuttle, I went to tip the driver for touching my bag (you know how it is) and realized that I didn't have my wallet with me! And of course, I had nothing in the way of ID except what was in my wallet...

You wanna talk panic? I was in a panic. The airline people were very nice, but there was no way they would even think of letting me on a plane without any ID. It turned out there was another flight later that day, and I was able to transfer my ticket to that one, but that was about four hours away--leaving me just barely time to call the people I was interviewing with and explain I'd be on the next flight in, get back to my car, rush home, hope to GOD my wallet was someplace findable, rush back, and find another parking spot.

Fortunately it all worked as planned, and my wallet was right on my dresser--but I remember screaming at traffic jams (oh yes, I forgot to mention this was now the start of rush hour near one of the most congested cities in the nation), and then as I was zipping along after I cleared the city, thinking to myself, what was I going to say if I got pulled over for speeding? "Well you see, Officer, actually I'm speeding precisely because I don't have my driver's license..."

Okay. Going to meet Beth and another friend for dinner in a couple hours, and I want to settle in a bit first. More later, maybe. 'Bye all!

Posted by David @ 01:06 PM PST [Link]

Favourite candy? Um. Nobody says candy here. I don't know if I am alone in not knowing exactly where to draw the line. Like, Ashley nominated cheesecake. You mean the dessert? Do desserts fall under the candy category? Is candy broader than just chocolate bars and stuff? OK, whatever. I don't even know what most of you are talking about, and I don't really have favourites, but since I never properly answer Belinda's questions, let's go for:

Maltesers

Cheesecake if it counts

Fry's Orange Cream. Or whatever the official title is. Anyway, it's the only mainstream vegan chocolate, which is terribly exciting.

Posted by Eva @ 12:40 PM PST [Link]

Rabi: The puppet and pm pair played the game as one entity. Had/if "they" won, Ernie would have granted whichever the pm wanted 'immunity'. So either I'm real good and BEAT the pm... or the contestants are in big trouble. Which of the two IS it? The world may never know... (until this crazy game is over...)

Philo, baby, sorry about snagging immunity from you. I'd give it up if I didn't want the cash :) ON that subject, I'm thinking of saving up and moving out in January. My parents currently have no idea about this, and with any amount of luck, they WON'T until the week I decide to move. Right now, freedom to me is a little more important than college - I only want to take my MCSE, CCNA, CCNF, A+, Net +, etc. anyway... Mark and I were talking last night and he wants to help me study for these courses. Which I'm very happy about, because he HAS all said certifications. < /geek mode >

But yeah, I'm paying board instead of saving for college right now, and my dad thinks it's because I want to 'spend frivolously'. Wrong-o. I'm saving up, moving out, and my friend "Lisa" and I are getting an apartment together, possibly with a third girl, "Jen". We both need to wait a few months to get the cash together, but it shouldn't be very long before I'm young, redheaded, and FREE TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT.

My grandma is coming over for lunch today. Joy! Two hours of hearing her babble on about bridge and how she won 4$ at bingo. I know, I know, I should be nicer, she *IS* 84. Then, it's off to the counselor for me, and when I'm done THAT, I work from 5-9. Who has a busy day? Me! Me!

Posted by Ashley @ 11:33 AM PST [Link]

Last night I thought I was going to go to bed early, but of course Johnny persuaded me to watch the first hour of Back To The Future. I think we're going to do an awful lot of bonding over cheesy films.

I remember when you could get Back To The Future stuff off the backs of cereal boxes.

Johnny pointed out that the cinema in the background in 1985 is showing films with titles like American Orgy and XXX Rated. "I finally noticed that after watching it about sixty times," he said.

How many films have you watched sixty times? I'm not sure if I can name any. Maybe, just maybe, Thoroughly Modern Millie and Casino Royale, just because I've loved them since I was about seven. Clue might be up there at a couple of dozen. Out of films that I've fallen for in the past couple of years, I've seen Human Traffic maybe as many as ten times, and Festen, which I've decided is the most important film ever, three or four.

So today, in between jobs and feeling exhausted, I stumbled into the dentist's to get a filling. He gave me the injection and then paused and said, "Are you all right?" Now, I've done this sort of thing before and of course it isn't pleasant, but I can handle it. So I was surprised to find that my heart was beating madly all of a sudden and I had this weird adrenaline rush thing. He helpfully reclined my chair some more so that all the blood would go to my head, told me it was apparently a bit like fainting (how exciting! I've still never fainted) and reassured me, "Don't worry, it's normal ... well, no, it's not normal. But don't worry." Right. After we'd gotten past that slight glitch, he got started on the usual unpleasantness. And after a while he put something in my mouth that resembled a small hairdryer and I started to laugh. It didn't help that he followed it up with a pair of garden shears. Suddenly this seemed to be the funniest thing in the world and I was trying desperately to not fall apart laughing. Maybe it was that injection. Or maybe it really is a bit odd to have a hairdryer in your mouth.

Anyway. So tonight is my LAST EVENING SHIFT for a week or so. To celebrate, I'm packing in as much timewasting as possible. I've already taken a test to see if I'm a fascist (via The Umbrella Stand, via the divine Nancy), and discovered what really happened in my past life: I was a female designer or engineer in New England around 1500, perceived by others to be an idealist. OK. I'm instructed to "Find a good teacher and spend a good part of your time and energy on learning from his [sic] wisdom." I'll think about it.

Posted by Eva @ 11:21 AM PST [Link]

Ashley, well it looks like congratulations are in order. 3 out of 5? That's good. I wonder how I did - besides worse, y'know? Oh well. I thought the immunity challenge was only a writing contest anyway. I know Ernie didn't say that, but that's the picture I had. And not to rain on your parade Ash cause I doubt anybody could, but between this thing turning into a human lie detector exercise and the tiebreaker being first one in with the update posted at a time and on a day I couldn't even see it until after work and school... In any case, you did good kid and I'll bow at your immune little feet.

Guess now is a good time to send a shout out to Meghan and my homies over at Post-Puppetmaster. Hey Homies! What did you do with the straight guys? And am I the only one who thinks Bob's and Meghan's new pics look like totally different people? Maybe. Need sleep bad. Tuesdays are my longest day on top of today being the final deadline on way more paperwork than you can shake a stick at. Stick a fork in me.

Posted by Philo @ 02:30 AM PST [Link]

OH YEAH BABY, WHO'S YOUR DADDY! I'm immune. IMMUNE! IMMUNE YOU HEAR ME! *...* (but immunity usually means the kiss of death, so in this case, I probably won't make final four...) And I thought I did shitty. Which means I'm at least third. HAHA. Oh, this fucking rocks. Excuse me, I think I will go to the store and get some chocolate to celebrate. w00t!!

Oh yes, and by the way... my third story was fake, for those of you that care. Although I do regret that the second one happened at all, heh. God was that embarrassing.

Posted by Ashley @ 01:42 AM PST [Link]

Tuesday, July 31, 2001

Zotz, Abba Zabba, and plain M & M's please. Favorite sugar rush soundtrack: Death by Chocolate.

Posted by Philo @ 11:53 PM PST [Link]

Hmmm….this is a tough one for me…

1- White Rabbit candy. The ones where you can eat the rice paper wrapping with the candy.

2- Dip Sticks. Remember that stick made out of sugar that you would dip into different powder flavors? I used to love that shit, except for the lime powder. That was gross.

3- Haw flakes….that’s right, I said HAW FLAKES!

And my blue heart bracelet that Christine made for me… and yes I know that only a few of you will get that.

Posted by Ted @ 09:21 PM PST [Link]

SHAME on you Bel, you'll have me making a run to the store after writing this...and I cannot keep it to 3, so I'm listing four.

Cadbury Hazelnut Bars - THE ultimate for me. I adore them. They make my mouth happy, and me fat.
Nanimo Bars - Coconut, Vanilla, and Chocolate topping... mm, could you ASK for more? My mom used to make them from stratch.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - They taste like heaven. Back in high school I would eat these daily for lunch.
Cheescake - Of any kind, is just really really really good. That is all.

Goddamn you. Now I have cravings.

Posted by Ashley @ 06:39 PM PST [Link]

I stopped at the gym on my way home. I needed to. I think I need new employment. There is a new Manager at our store. He seems to make changes just to make them. I don't like his actions. I do not like him. We had a disagreement today and he made me very angry.

The movie last night was great. It was called The Torrent with Greta Garbo. It was melodramatic, but we both enjoyed it. I always enjoy spending time with Nicole. Anyways. Tony called me at work and asked to see me tonight. He wants to talk. I don't like hearing that phrase. I need to go see him. I hope it's nothing serious.

Posted by Rachael @ 06:20 PM PST [Link]

Um, that's altoids. Sorry.

Posted by David @ 05:17 PM PST [Link]

Three favorite candies, huh? Okay, wintergreen altoids is a no-brainer; I've got tins of those stashed in my house, my car, my office, all over the place. I guess number two on the list is Baby Ruth candy bars--actually I "discovered" these from our vending machine only about a month ago. I'd probably save a lot of pocket change if I tried this. And I'll say Hershey's Special Dark bars for the third--I hardly ever eat them, but it's really a special treat when I get one.

Posted by David @ 05:14 PM PST [Link]

I got my grades in the mail today, and apparently, I graduated with honours. One C-, three C's, one C+, five B's, five A's. Not bad. Not bad at all. All in all, I didn't fail anything, so I'm pretty happy about that.

Oh yeah, my fish are still alive. And I wish I was working today, at the coffee place, only I'm not. I don't for like another week. Would you guys PLEASE update and entertain me? I have nothing of interest to say. Kthxbye.

Posted by Ashley @ 04:00 PM PST [Link]

Last night I got drenched in a downpour walking home. The only available buses around that time of night are 20 minutes before I finish work or 20 minutes after, and it makes sense to just walk it. I stumbled into my flat and tried to stop looking like a drowned rat, then I flung myself on my bed and that's when I noticed the gift on my new bookcase. Yes, New Flatmate (why am I still calling him that? His name is Johnny!) had got me a bottle of wine and left a note with it on the back of a black & white he'd taken of skateboarders in Bristo Square. It was to welcome me to my new home and to celebrate my new job. Awww. I wish he was foreign or something so I had a reason to marry him.

We stay up late talking each night, I guess because we don't have a chance to earlier in the day because I'm working so late right now. As a result I'm pretty tired, but he must be worse off because he usually stays up and watches a film or something after I've gone to bed. Well, tomorrow is my last evening shift at the lab for a little while. Meanwhile the Indian food place is going semi-OK but I'm looking forward to it being over because I have to deal with too much financial stuff and I don't want to tell them that I haven't a fucking clue what I am doing. (On a related note, I may occasionally have to deal with children in my new job. I hate children.) They actually ask me every day if I've eaten lunch and give me lots of food, though. I guess I am saving a lot of money right now because over the past week or two it's only gone on bus fare and perhaps the odd bottle of water. I am living on pakoras. I guess it is good that this job has exposed me to food I wouldn't have bothered with otherwise. I'm still not that keen on spicy food but I do really like this stuff.

I just joined Human Writes. It looks like I'm going to be corresponding with a Death Row prisoner in Florida. I haven't heard from the co-ordinator yet but I got sent the newsletter today.

Posted by Eva @ 01:35 PM PST [Link]

Oh. Immunity's not for the best stories, but for the best lie-detector. Okay.

Posted by David @ 01:09 PM PST [Link]

I'm just one big heap o' stress today. Trying to get ready to leave tomorrow, working on a couple of big projects at the same time, and today seems to be Ask David To Scan Stuff Day. Three people so far have wanted me to scan stuff for them. And then there's the elimination coming up, and I know my lame stories ain't gonna get me no immunity...

I'd be smoking again too, 'cept I never smoked to start off with. Stop it, all of you.

Posted by David @ 12:56 PM PST [Link]

Hi. I'm just checking in briefly to show you this. Everyone's talking about it round these parts ...

Posted by Eva @ 10:21 AM PST [Link]

Monday, July 30, 2001

Off on a tangent here... (gee, I'm writing a lot today...)

I started smoking again. I feel very guilty about this, but Mark smokes, my friends smoke, and I am such an idiot for starting again.

Bah.

Posted by Ashley @ 10:56 PM PST [Link]

#3: Death Valley

My Dad was and still is a product of the sixties. I tend to joke with him that he went to just one too many Grateful Dead concerts and he just laughs at me. Growing up he would semi-disappear for periods of time where he would go off exploring nature’s backroads and spend his days camping illegally. I would always ask my Mom what he was doing when he was off on one of his finding himself expeditions and she would tell me, “He’s finding himself. Isn’t that enough of an explanation?” When I was about twelve years old he finally asked me if I wanted to come with him. My Mom didn’t think it was such a good idea, but it was August and school was out. My father had never spent much time with me before one on one and it was time to find out what one of his adventures was all about. We piled a ton of gear into the back of our truck and off we went. It was the trip he taught me to smoke cigarettes and drink Southern Comfort straight out of the bottle, two habits that would last until my early twenties. It was also the trip that holds two of my most haunting childhood memories.

We were driving through Death Valley. If you have never been there the name says it all. You can drive for an hour and never even see another car particularly in August when temperatures reach 120’s. We were way out in the middle of nowhere when we saw them. A woman and a boy were standing by the side of the road. There was nothing around for miles. No cars, nothing. My Dad, who almost always picked up hitch hikers by the way, pulled the car over to see if they were ok. The woman seemed really old to me, but she was probably in her forties. She only spoke Spanish so she just smiled at us while the kid asked if they could have a ride. I asked him how they ended up out here and he said it was a long story. We loaded them into the back of the truck and drove on, racing through miles and miles of nothing at 80 miles an hour at least. It must have been 125 degrees and I kept worrying if they were alright back there. I could only get a look at them from time to time in the side door mirror. An hour later we came to a store and gas station. I just looked at a map online and I think it was Stovepipe. We stopped for gas and when we got out of the truck we realized they were gone. They had vanished or something. My Dad more or less started freaking out and as usually was the case I had to be the adult in the family. He sat down while I put gas in the truck then told him we needed to go back and look for them.

We drove back the way we had came. We were both kinda scared to find them because if they had fallen out at that speed? We found the place we both figured we must have picked them up and there was no sign of them. We even drove further just in case and there was nothing. When we got back to the store I insisted we contact the Park Service to make a report. My Dad didn’t want to, but we did. They had no reports of any bodies being found or anything. They took our information in case they heard of anything and we drove on. It was an adventure alright. That was the same trip the girl drowned in the river, but that’s another story for another day.

Posted by Philo @ 10:18 PM PST [Link]

Grade Six: The Insane Party
End of sixth grade I was switching schools. I decided to have an end of year party, and invited the whole class to 'see me off', so to say. Things were going great, until the adults got completely trashed halfway through it on red wine someone had brought over. At that point, my mom picked up one of my guests and threw them into the pool, fully clothed. He'd just arrived, and looked at me like my mother was crazy. (Which she is, and my parents have since split up, and my mother has SOBERED up.) We ended up having to fish out the change in his pockets from the bottom of the pool.

Then we decided to have an egg toss. In the middle of it, my partner was trying to catch the egg I was tossing him (Hector, if you're somehow reading this, I am so sorry. I really am.) and backed right into a hornet's nest. Hector ended up stung 14 times. Poor kid.

But no, that was only the beginning. The climax of it all was when the adults got so drunk that they left us to our own devices. BAD FUCKING IDEA for a group of 11 and 12 year olds. They'd just laid out the cake... in the basement...which was adjacent to the pool. Another bad idea, seeings as the walls had just been painted two weeks before. I remember getting the bright idea of snubbing the boy that had been rude to me a couple of weeks before. I tapped him on the shoulder in the yard... and when he looked at me, I started to flirt with him. I somehow managed to get him to think I wanted to kiss him, and when he leaned in...

Smushed a huge hunk of cake with red frosting in his face. The cakefight that erupted was...well, legendary.

We end this story with 14 kids in trouble (I went to Montessori school... small classes), 4 hours of cleanup due to the red icing stained walls, 2 unhappy parents, and one Ashley in VERY big trouble.

Grade Ten: First Time I Got Drunk
The first time I got drunk stands out in my mind simply because it was crazy. Me and a group of about 10-15 kids trooped down to the beach with our illegally booted alcohol, pot, and firewood. We started a fire, and steered away from the paths where joggers came through because police tended to hang out around there, as well as people who were exercising and running down said path. Some background... my friend, who's REAL name is Mark... (no, not my boyfriend...) is really anti-American. He's also been a great friend since I was young. This will make sense later on.

Fast forward about three hours. I was drunk off my ass for the first time, and had just smoked dope for the first time as well, so I was having a hard time even speaking, much less standing on my own two feet. Mark then had the bright idea of hiding in the bushes. For some reason, I agreed that this sounded like fun. Off we trooped, me staggering along being supported by him. Once there, he started ranting and raving about the 'goddamned Americans' and I started to agree with him simply because it was the easiest thing to do. Somehow, he managed to convince me that we were spies, hiding out in the bushes, waiting for an American to come down the path. (yes, THE jogging path.) We were going to 'assasinate' them. Don't ask me, it SOUNDED like an intelligent idea at the time. Half an hour passes, and lo and behold, I'm drunker and my bottle is a little emptier.

And a jogger comes along. Oh yes she did.

Mark says, 'OKAY, GO!' and we go. We GO. We run at her, as fast as our drunk feet can take us, and TACKLE this unsuspecting (and, as it turns out, very Canadian) lady jogger.

I won't elaborate, I'll just say that listening to advice from friends drunker than you are is a VERY bad idea.

Grade Twelve: Drinking Story #2
My class went grad camping this past year. My old friend and I decided that we'd show some school spirit and join them. After driving three hours into the middle of nowhere, we found the campsite that we were staying at with the rest of our group. We set up the tent, and because we were later than most of the people arriving at the campsite, got to drinking. Quickly. VERY quickly. Again, campfires were started, and spontaneous guitar playing in the middle of nowhere in Northern BC lead to really loud singing, and a very drunk Ashley. My female companion, who happened to be bi as well, was cozied up on my lap.

Note to self: Never, ever, ever let a cute girl sit on your lap when you've been drinking.

I started to hit on her, hardcore. I managed to convince her to zip our sleeping bags together, and then she got the brilliant idea midway into kissing me that we had 'chocolate sauce' available. Which we did. Anyone heard of Nutella? We'd brought a jar on our trip for toast at breakfasts etc. Well, we ended up using it for rather 'unsavory' purposes. I don't remember it well, because as mentioned in the title, I'd been drinking.

Halfway into her licking a bunch off my stomach, we heard a knock on the tent door. Okay, more like rapping at it. It was two guys that apparently heard us while we were having fun, and asked if they could watch. Embarassed and flustered, we yelled at them to leave.

Resume said Nutella play. And more scratching at the tent door. This time, frustrated, we opened up, only to be faced with her boyfriend. I didn't know it at the time, so I bitched at him and told him to leave us alone. And then he looked at me, and said, rather quietly, but clearly, "If you're making out with my girlfriend, the LEAST you can let me do is watch." Oh FUCK was I in trouble. I just about died. Thanks for the warning, you know? I didn't even know she HAD a boyfriend. Upon seeing him she smiled and invited him in the tent. I ended up having to spent the night with these two, but not without a friend of my own... he brought along a companion of his own, an absolutely stunning blonde haired (blue eyed? it was dark, I couldn't really tell...) guy who I swapped for her boyfriend midway through the night.

No sex occurred. None of any kind. That's not to say nothing ELSE occurred, though. I do have to say, it was the oddest and most, uh, pleasurable experience I'd had to date back then.

Posted by Ashley @ 10:16 PM PST [Link]

#2: King of Pain

The Police were on tour with the Thompson Twins and my drug dealing quasi-blonde quasi-boyfriend invited me to meet him at his place after work to go to the concert. He didn’t live in the city and it was the first time I drove out to his house where I discovered that he still lived with his parents. They had a small pinkish faux brick house with a rusty dead Buick in the front yard. He introduced me to his folks, who were nice enough in a David Lynch kind of way, and then we got in his car and left. “I need to make a few stops before we go to the concert. You don’t mind, do ya?” We went on a little tour, a couple of odd looking homes, made a stop to meet a guy in front of a 7/11 where he purchased us two Dr. Pepper Big Gulps and forgot to get lids for em. Then we made our way to a tavern where I was told to wait for him in the parking lot. He had one of those older cars that had a hump running back between the two front seats. Sitting on the hump was this green plastic contraption that had two drink holders and a space for a box of Kleenex. I sat my soda next to his in it just as he returned holding a tiny cardboard jewelry box full of little tiny pieces of paper. “Is that acid?”, I asked. He didn’t answer. I could smell that he’d been smoking pot with whoever he had been talking to. He just sat there giggling. He sat the box up on the dashboard and started the car. When he pulled out of the parking lot he finally noticed he the car behind us and hit the brakes. I swar it happened in slow motion. The little cardboard box went flying, bounced off the top of our soft drinks on its way into the back seat, and I looked inside our Dr. Peppers to see both were full of countless little squares of paper.

“FUCK!”, he screamed, “Quick, Hurry Philo, Drink up!” I don’t know what I was thinking when I started gulping Dr. Pepper loaded with God only knows how many hits of microdot, but within a few seconds we both had polished off our beverages. He looked at me and started laughing. I didn’t have a clue what was so fuckin funny. Reality was clicking in that I had just dropped enough acid to possibly kill an elephant. I started to panic, but he calmed me down. “Maintain, ok? You’ll be fine, I promise. I’m right here. Nothing is going to happen to either of us.”

Later that night I remember seeing the stadium. We walked closer to it and I could hear The Thompson Twins singing “Lies Lies Lies”. The next thing I remember I was staring at a plate of pork fried rice in some Chinese restaurant. The room was red and gold and the colors were swimming. And then I heard them. The Police were singing “King of Pain”, only it was coming from a clock radio on the nightstand. All I could see was the television up attached to the wall and some blonde girl was moaning in ecstacy. Is that porn? That’s about the time I realized I was naked, and I was laying on a waterbed, and there was nobody in that sleazy cheap adult motel room but me.

Posted by Philo @ 10:02 PM PST [Link]

#1: Land of Enchantment
There were these television commercials for Santa Fe Cologne. Answer the call of the dessert. Every time they were on I knew I felt the call and I finally decided all that was worthwhile in life was waiting for me in Santa Fe. For several years I kept an eye on the journey from a distance, until one day the journey more or less came calling for me. I woke up one morning and a car had been abandoned in our driveway. My room mates Choire and Kent and I were renting the first floor of a Victorian on Prosper Street right near the Castro. Our driveway was always empty cause none of us owned a car. It was a dirty white Dodge and that’s when I noticed it. The license plate read: New Mexico, Land of Enchantment. And so it began. Later that night on television was a documentary about the Native American tribes of the Southwest. The next morning I was listening to KFOG’s 10 at 10, 10 great songs from one great year, and what comes on but “Point Me In The Direction of Albuquerque” by the Partridge Family. Within a 24 hour period there were three references of a sort. I have to admit I started paying attention.

That night I paid a visit to what I like to call the House of the Rising Sun, a very funky mostly queer space which was and probably still is home to many pagan Solstice and Full Moon orgy parties. I was never there for any of those events, but a guy I knew lived there and the house had a hot tub. It was located out back in this garden and after talking to my friend for a bit I decided to head out back for a dip. Inside the tub was an odd elderly man with white tufts of hair on either side of his head, sort of like an aging Bozo the clown. As I sat in the tub with him I started to realize he wasn’t there. I could almost sense that he was off astral traveling or something, but he was clearly not present in his body. Awhile later he returned and let out of gasp for breath. “The garden is full of magic tonight, isn’t it.” I think I nodded in agreement. I decided I’d been in long enough and was climbing out when he asked my name. He introduced himself as Haia. Then he looked at me and completely out of nowhere said, “You’re going to have some amazing experiences in New Mexico.” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Excuse me? Did you just say what I thought you said?” He nodded. “You are moving to New Mexico, right?”

I sat in the hot tub with him for some time as he told me all about the Beings of Light who communicated with him from the Pliades which eventually became woven into tales of jungle peyote expeditions with wild panthers in Central America with a woman named Lisa. I often wish I could remember his stories more clearly, but I was too distracted by what he had said about New Mexico. He told me this Lisa was living in Santa Fe and he wanted me to phone her when I got there. I wrote down my number, asked him to call me with her information and headed home. Several other signs and events were to follow, but my conversation with Haia led me to believe all of this was way too much of a coincidence. I gave notice to my roommates and my job almost immediately. I was moving to Santa Fe and there was a whole lot to take care of.

A few days before I was to leave the phone rang. It was Haia and he wanted me to come over. He said he had a gift I needed and invited me to see his elves. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I figured if anyone had elves living in their apartment it he’d be my primary suspect. I hopped on Muni. Inside his apartment the walls were covered with bright colorful pictures of Hindu gods and goddesses. I remember staring at one of the goddess Kali. Surrounding much of the room were elves. Elf dolls, figurines, statues. I had never seen such a collection in my life, but then I had never met Haia before. He handed me a piece of abalone shell and 2 large stones, all three of which were shaped like flying saucers. I thanked him and asked about the mysterious Lisa. He explained that his friend Lisa Law was quite well known for her photography. They had been friends since the sixties and he had spoken with her about me. He gave me her phone number for when I arrived.

It was the day before my greyhound bus would leave. Choire was moving his belongings, most of which were stacks and stacks of books, into my room. Setting a pile next to me I asked if I could borrow one to read on the bus. On top was “Famous for Fifteen Minutes” by Ultra Violet of Andy Warhol’s Factory. Not knowing much about Warhol at the time I picked it up and opened to a page of Ultra Violet in her White Room. It was pretty amazing. There she was clothed entirely in white in a room with white walls, white carpet, white furniture. I started thinking about how difficult it would be to keep a room like that clean when I noticed something that made me scream. I dropped the book in terror and Choire ran back in to see what was wrong. All I could do was pick up the book, find the page and show him the picture. Photograph by Lisa Law. It was then he finally agreed with me. “I guess you are right Philo. You are supposed to go to Santa Fe.” The next morning I boarded a greyhound bus and said goodbye to San Francisco.

Posted by Philo @ 09:49 PM PST [Link]

Hi, I LOVE MY NEW JOB. I love love love love it. We get as much free food as we want, all day long... which means soup, bagels, cookies, doughnuts, doughnut holes, frappucinos (iced cappuccinos), pie, coffee, cake, pop, juice, etc... I'm going to get so fat. We get to lounge around and do nothing, and the girls that work there ROCK.

I do believe it is the perfect job. I even got tipped today. I'm blasting music currently, and in the best mood possible. I'm soooooo happy. I have tomorrow off, and I work Wednesday at Zellers. I love Tim Hortons way more though... there is so much more interaction with the other girls working there, we get music, we get to basically do what we want when the manager isn't around (heh heh..) and badger the cooks. We also make strange concoctions with the blender (which uh, kind of exploded on me today, but no matter...) and other fun stuff. I think I'm going to die of ecstasy. I didn't know I could get paid for having FUN.

Oh yeah... those stories. Shit. I'm tired, okay? Give a girl a break, I just worked an eight hour shift on my feet!

Posted by Ashley @ 09:17 PM PST [Link]

Story # 3 Half-naked Asian guy wearing Doc Martins

So one time in the dorms, my friend Matt and I were talking about the best concerts we’ve ever been to. It was my first year at that University, and I had just met the guy that year. So I mention shows like when I saw weezer for free at the Tower Records parking lot, The Cure when they played for three hours straight, and Lollapoloza (sp) in Vegas. When I had mentioned the last one, he said that he went to the same Lollapoloza concert but at our hometown. I told him that I went to that one too (it was the same tour in the same year, and this was years before I met the guy), but I had won tickets to the Lollapoloza show (from a radio station) in Vegas after buying the tickets for our hometown one.

Matt: yeah, I had a great time there until Smashing Pumpkins.
Ted: What? Why? Smashing Pumpkins was great.
Matt: Well, I was in the very front when they came on. And this guy who was body surfing kicked me in the head and broke my glasses.
Ted: What did he look like???
Matt: He was this half-naked Asian guy wearing Doc Martins. I remember those Doc Martin real well.

This is the point where I started to freak out. When Smashing Pumpkins came on, I wanted to be in the very front because they’re one of my favorite bands and they were playing Mayonnaise, my fave song from them. And the easiest way to get to the front of thousands of screaming fans is to body surf your way up there. And since I’m not the largest of people, I must have flew like 15 feet in the air when I told this big guy to throw me up. I remember kicking people, including the security, with my Docs until I got to the front and told people to let me down. Ok, so anyways…

Ted: *looks down at his Docs* ummm… what song were they playing when that stupid guy hit you???
Matt: It was during Mayonnaise.
Ted: umm…Were you at like the very front, towards the right?
Matt: yeah? How did you know that???
Ted: I’M SOOOO SORRY MATT!!! I DIDN’T MEAN TO KICK YOU IN THE HEAD! I’LL PAY FOR YOUR GLASSES!

I was pretty sure it was me. I mean, how many half-naked Asian guys would be body-surfing during that exact song at that exact moment at an all day music festival? Exactly…

Posted by Ted @ 07:22 PM PST [Link]

Story # 2 Tribute to the Beatles

As I mentioned before, I use to be in an emo band back in college. We were around for about half a year, and played at a bunch of different places around our college. I had the best time being in that band. But after awhile, we started to get on each other’s nerves a bit. This is not something new with being in a band, its just difficult sometimes to have four people decided on something artistically. So we decided that at the end of the year, we would break up. I was graduating and leaving the area somewhat, and my bassist was being deported (another story for another day). So the night before I graduate, we decided to have one last show. In honor of the Beatles, we played our last gig on my dorm’s rooftop (ok, maybe it was more of a balcony, but damn close enough).

We invited all our friends up there to hang out with us and watch our last show. Hauling all our equipment like drums, amps, guitars and such was a story in itself. We were super quiet about it because we were afraid the RA’s (resident advisor) would catch us and not let us play. When we finally had everything set up, with like 25 of us up there, we were ready to rock. We could see the whole dorm community in front of us from up there, and we were prepared to rock their world for the last time. I figured that we would only be able to play one song before the RA’s came to bust our asses, so we wanted to make it count. But what were they going to do? Kick me out on the last day? I don’t think so. But to make sure, we blocked off the door to the roof (balcony) so that no one could get in. All the volume knobs were up to 10. It was like some bad glam rock video.

Everyone was in anticipation for us to start playing, because we felt like little kids trying to steal cookies from the cookie jar. I took one look at all my band mates, who were all smiling with eagerness, knowing that this would be the last time we all be here like this. And after that look, and a nod from all of them, I started to play. I don’t believe I’ve ever played a song before with such passion and energy. I was jumping everywhere and screaming my guts out, because to me it wasn’t just the dorm community that I was singing to, it was to the whole world. From high up there, with nothing to block our view and only the city lights ahead of us, it was like the world was our audience. And I knew this would be the last time I would be able to do that.

After the first song, we noticed that no one came up. We figured that they were just on their way up. So we quickly played another one. During our fifth song is when I started to hear people banging on the doors. We wanted to play one last song before we opened the doors, so I said to the world, "This is our last song ever! Thank you all for supporting us, its been fun". We played our hearts out for that last song. I remembered all the good times we had playing music together, going to all the gigs, meeting the most random people, and just being part of something fun. After the last note, we put down our instruments for the last time together. After some more thank you’s to everyone, we finally opened the door only to find… THAT THE POLICE WAS THERE. I was like…"ah shit".

It looks like someone called the campus cops for a noise complaint. And because we didn’t open the doors to them sooner, (and because they were assholes about it) it was almost like resisting arrest, (how the hell was I suppose to know it was the cops), and they brought us in. When we walked into the police station, there were two other people in there and they were trying to stare us down (we all still looked like kids). And as I was sitting down, one of them asked me what we were in for, and I proudly said "For being a rockstar".

We signed some papers and had to pay a fine, but it wasn’t too bad. The next day, I graduated from college. Two weeks later, my bassist was deported back to Hong Kong. We never all played together ever again.

Posted by Ted @ 07:20 PM PST [Link]

I'm going to post all three of my stories seprately because I think its easier to read that way.

Story #1 Oh, he’s so lucky!

Back in high school, I use to call in to radio stations to try and win tickets for concerts. Well one summer, a radio station was giving away tickets to three different concerts all summer long. If you called and won, they would pick one of the three to give you tickets for. And I do believe the three shows that they were giving away were for The Cure, DM, or Genesis. So I called in one night and I actually won concert tickets. But guess which one of the three that I win? Genesis of course. The one band of the three that someone would have had to pay me to go see. But I was like, "whatevers, I won something"!

So a couple of days later, I’m listening to the same radio station, and they were going to announce the winner of the Grand Prize to go see Prince in concert in London for a weekend. See, winning one of the three said concerts would put you in the drawing for the grand prize. When I was listening, they said that they were just about to call the grand prize winner. I said to myself, "self, it would be cool to go to London, but I’m wouldn’t be that excited to see Prince". So 15 minutes later, I receive this phone call, and it’s the said radio station telling me that I had won the grand prize! I was in complete shock. They asked me if I even liked Prince, and I said that he was "alright". They decided to leave that part out in their broadcast. So I ended up going to London and all, and I even got to meet the band and everything. Everything was paid for including plane ticket, weekend in London at a nice hotel, spending cash, and concert tickets. It was super cool.

But what I didn’t know, was that the radio station had called my house before. See, I wasn’t home when they first called to tell me that I had won. So instead of me, who answers the phone? My mom... My old Chinese mom who has the heaviest accent and who’s mission in life is to embarrass me as much as possible in public. So when she picked up the phone and found out that I had won, she says in her old Chinese lady accent "OH, HE’S SO LUCKY"!!! And of course, the radio station decided to record that. And I completely had no idea about this. So after I had won, and was listening to the radio, I heard the DJ go…"and that was The Cure with "Just like Heaven", you’re listening to ", and then I heard the most horrifying sound ever on radio… my mom saying, "OH, HE’S SO LUCKY".

No words can describe the look on my face when I heard my mom on the radio. The bastards at the radio station decided that my mom’s voice was funny enough to play in between songs. And it wasn’t just any small time radio station, it was THE radio station over here. This went on for at least a month. I would be walking down the halls of my school, and someone would come up to me and go "hey Ted, I heard your mom on the radio today". And I would go, "Fuck you man, leave my mom alone". So traumatic…

Btw, I never went to the genesis concert because it was the same weekend that I left for London to see Prince. Boy, was I disappointed. *cough cough*

Posted by Ted @ 07:17 PM PST [Link]

The weather turned out to be beautiful. I was not spotted anywhere near my gym, but I do have groceries again. (laughing). I even managed to finish my laundry. Nicole is taking me to Silent Movie Mondays tonight at the Paramount. I have never seen a silent movie, have you? Nicole informed me an organist provides the musical soundtrack. It should be a nice change of pace. I believe the film is called The Torrence. I must go. We are meeting at Bauhaus in five minutes.

Posted by Rachael @ 06:33 PM PST [Link]

I love sleeping late. On Sunday mornings we normally sleep in, but I couldn't stay in bed. I was too excited to set up my computer. Does that qualify me as a geek? (laughing). Anyways. I made up for it this morning. I've been up for a couple of hours, but I have not been outside yet. It is a bit grey out. There are tasks to accomplish though. I would like to exercise. The laundry awaits and groceries are needed. I best get moving.

Posted by Rachael @ 02:17 PM PST [Link]

Oh yes! And how can you tell there's a drummer on your doorstep? The knocking gradually speeds up.
How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? Pay for the pizza.
Did you hear about the drummer who lost one of his drumsticks? He yelled out, "At last, after all these years! I'm finally a conductor!"
Ah, the old ones are always the best...

Posted by David @ 01:43 PM PST [Link]

Not that anyone else cares, but:

Rachael's truth/lie word count: 655
David's truth/lie word count: 1427
Eva's truth/lie word count: 1442

Damn.

So anyway, my accent. It's a pretty random state of affairs. Even back in Belfast, people think I am American/Canadian, and always have done - since I was a little kid. Despite that I still have a Northern Irish way of pronouncing certain words. I don't sound Scottish but I think I have developed a few Scottish-esque features depending on who I'm talking to, and I picked up a bit of "proper" Irish accent (you know, the quaint one you get in the films) since that whole deal with my Significant Ex. Different bits are more accentuated depending on who I'm talking to; if I'm in North America people probably won't even notice I'm foreign. It's a bit confused.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer ...

Posted by Eva @ 01:16 PM PST [Link]

Did I tell you I was going to be concise? Whatever. Here goes: these are just in chronological order.

#1: First Kiss Story
I was 14 and by this point I was starting to believe it might never happen. I was too scared to play spin-the-bottle two years previously, and by now I was getting quite behind my friends. Of course, it finally happened when I least expected it. At my cousin’s wedding, in fact. I was a bridesmaid.

That evening the wedding disco was held in a big fancy hotel in Newcastle (that’s Newcastle, Northern Ireland, I feel obliged to point out) and I had changed out of my bridesmaid dress into my vaguely rocker chick attire. My brother and his wife were in disgrace with the family for skipping the wedding to go and see Guns N’ Roses in Dublin, and I was jealous. I remember dancing to “Paradise City”. Other than that the music on offer didn’t do it for me. However, I was sitting minding my own business when a guy came over and asked me to dance, so I did. We then talked for a couple of hours. I learned that he was the groom’s cousin, he was from London, and he was 23. 23 … let that sink in. It’s taken me all these years to finally get to his age. 23 seems young to me now, but whatever way you look at it now, he was a hell of a lot older than me.

Anyway, he kept offering to buy me a drink, and asking if we could go out for a walk, and I was being all demure and politely declining (I didn’t even drink yet!), but eventually I compromised and we left the main hall so we could sit and talk alone. Finally at about half midnight my sister came past and told me we were going to go soon. Once she’d vanished, we said our goodbyes and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then he gave me an “ah, what the hell” sort of look and that’s when it happened.

OK, Eva, I’m thinking, didn’t expect it would be like this, did you? When we moved apart I reached to wipe my mouth. Which was when my elbow connected with his full pint, which fell and smashed on the floor, spraying us with beer. Yay. I was mortified, but he just kissed me again. At this point some random middle-aged relative I had never seen before went past us and joked, “Mind if I stay and watch? Maybe I could pick up some tips!”

Did I say mortified?

I sat in silence looking out at the dark country roads on the way home. That song “I Love Your Smile” was playing on the radio and it still irritates me now. I don’t think I ate for a day.

#2: Dodgy Murder Confession Story
When I was a sixteen-year-old juvenile drinker, I started seeing a guy I had met at a Wildhearts concert. We’d been together for a month the night that we were down at the beach drinking with a bunch of my friends. He and I wound up in a secluded area known as The Point (where, coincidentally, a woman was stabbed to death a couple of years later), and after a while, somehow, everyone else had wandered back along the beach, so it was dark, isolated, and about half a mile from other people. That was fine; I guess we kissed and whatever, and then he started saying how he wasn’t good enough for me. Somehow I thought I was about to be dumped (well, previous experience made me expect it). “What exactly is it you’re trying to say?” I asked, not wanting to hear the answer.

There was a pause. Then he said, “I love you.”

OK. Everything fine on that front. But after we’d dealt with getting that milestone out of the way, he had something else to tell me: “I physically killed someone.”

All of a sudden, even though really I felt safe with him, the only thing I could think about was coaxing him away from this place so we could join the others. It didn’t help much when I asked him how he did it – “I drowned him.”

Um. I don’t like telling this story but I chose it because it’s one of the few interesting stories I have that isn’t already lurking on the web somewhere. For what it’s worth, as I later found out, the story wasn’t quite as simple as that (well, is it ever?). He was being attacked by someone and pushed him off a pier; the guy cracked his head on a rock and lost consciousness. We even found out eventually that he hadn’t drowned, but was paralysed for life from the neck down. I went out with him for a long time.

#3: Bizarre Bathroom Sex Story
I was travelling around North America a couple of years ago and in Boston I crashed for about a week in this flat full of punk kids. They were mostly a pretty decent bunch. They were all straightedge vegans and made gorgeous communal meals and took me to shows and told me stories about hopping freight trains. Well, most of them, that is. There was this one guy who was pretty indifferent to me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. You know the type? After our initial introduction, he could barely manage a grunt in my general direction. It bugged me even more that everyone appeared to think he was great. So if we were in the same room and the others were having a conversation with him, I would just sit there feeling small and stupid. I couldn’t work out what his problem was. Meanwhile I contented myself with hating little things about him, like the fact that he ONLY ate pasta. Plain pasta with no sauce or anything. Not even any vegetables. Maybe he’s wasted away to nothing by now, because that can’t be good for you.

Also, he had this incredibly co-dependent relationship with a girl who lived a couple of blocks away. I am not keen on couples, to be honest; at least, not the type who spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT together. I had no idea what she saw in him, but then I didn’t like her either anyway. If he was a pain to be around, she acknowledged me even less. But like I say, I was having a good time apart from this, and I didn’t have to be around them all that much.

… Until one night after a show. I’d met up with some other kids beforehand who actually (gasp!) liked to drink as well, so we had some alcohol first before we went out. (I had this stuff called Woodchuck Cider. I still miss it.) I can’t even remember what bands were playing, I was so hammered by the time I even got to the venue, and I’m amazed they let me in. The night continued on its merry way. I remember jumping about like a mad thing and generally embarrassing myself, but I still got a kiss from a cute punk dyke. And then the next thing I remember is someone walking me back to the flat where I was staying. I found the key under a plant pot, assured him I would be OK, and let myself in.

And suddenly, urgently, needed to be sick. As far as I could tell, the whole household was sleeping. The hall light was out and I felt my way along the wall. Then I broke into a run. The bathroom door was shut but I still somehow thought I was alone up until the moment I barged in and fell against the toilet. The light was on and there were people there but I had to focus on vomiting for a minute before I looked around. And there was the pasta guy, face down and spreadeagled on the floor, and, how to put this delicately? What his girlfriend was doing to him with the shower rod … well, you get the idea. They were frozen and just staring at me in horror.

I threw up some more, wiped my mouth, had a glass of water, brushed my teeth, and left the bathroom. He didn’t so much as look at me for the remainder of my stay. Then on the day I was leaving, he took me aside and gave me a big bottle of whisky. I don't even drink whisky, but I took it anyway as he was attempting to buy my silence. And I never told anyone. Up until now.

(If you're reading this now - hello! Surprise!!)

Posted by Eva @ 12:56 PM PST [Link]

Uh-oh. All the lights in the building just flickered, and the A/C went dead. Then BOOM! came the thunder. Naturally my first impulse is to run and use the computer...

Yay Eva, congratulations on the job! Sure beats the dole--except for that no-more-free-time thing, I guess. Okay, I've been wondering this for some time: what kind of accent do you have? Are you true to your Belfast roots, or have you been living elsewhere for long enough to have picked up other influences? And if so, what are they--Canadian, Scottish, what? Can we get a .wav recording of you talking?

Ted...no, never mind.

Ashley--this is the perfect opportunity to pull out all the musician jokes you've been saving up. What's Mark, a guitarist? Drummer? What? I got a million of 'em...

Posted by David @ 12:25 PM PST [Link]

I hate this Immunity Challenge, by the way. How the heck am I supposed to maintain my Joe Normal persona and spin a good yarn, either true or false?

You can tell my Story #3 is true because I didn't marry the woman who drove me home. It was the perfect "meet cute" scenario, and if I had any sense I'd be pitching it to some big Hollywood mogul even as we speak.

Posted by David @ 09:41 AM PST [Link]

I GOT THE JOB.

Can I just stress how unusual that is? The last time I got a job as a result of an interview was when I was, um, seventeen. I always just get jobs in random ways. And after having had a couple dozen interviews in the past year or two, I was starting to get really disheartened about the whole business and hoping for some other way to find employment (Ex-Flatmate 1, for example, got his job as receptionist of a media company by being extremely plastered in a bar and meeting the boss, which he doesn't remember. Would you hire him?).

Maybe it's a confidence thing. Not that I'm usually especially not confident in an interview, but there are times when you are more confident than others. Actually, I had a Feeling when I filled in my application for this one, and I had a Feeling when I got the letter inviting me to interview. That sounds really cheesy, and no, I'm not Daphne Moon. But then again, I also had a Feeling as soon as New Flatmate called to invite me to see the flat. Maybe it's just the season for it.

Anyway, the people were nice and I'm looking forward to starting. Oh, and it's a family mediation organisation, in other words it does good stuff for people, so I can feel secure about my karma points. Yay. On the downside, it is a part-time job, so I'm still going to be running around like a headless chicken doing all sorts of things on the side. But I'm happy.

Now I'm going to go and have a think about this topic. I have no idea what I'm going to tell you about, but I have one aim: to not have the lengthiest post this time.

Posted by Eva @ 09:36 AM PST [Link]

I got an e-mail today from a girl who saw me at the giant robot party! She said that she wanted to say hi, but wasn’t too sure it was me. Omg I was in complete shock when I read that e-mail. So that makes three puppetmaster sightings! Craziness… btw, if anyone else would like to e-mail me, you can do so at tedpuppet@hotmail.com

A convo with myself:

Left hand puppet: Look, its Ted being an attention whore again.
Right hand puppet: No he isn’t, he just wants to hear what people think of the game.
Left hand puppet: Dude, he’s being a bitch. Look how long he’s taking with his topic stories.
Right hand puppet: Those take awhile to write foo.
Left hand puppet: His stories are lame anyways, no one believes them.
Right hand puppet: Dude, I bet he could kick your ass.
Left hand puppet: oh yeah? You want some of this???
Right hand puppet: Bring it on bitch!!!

*starts to wrestle with both of his hands*

I need to sleep…

Posted by Ted @ 05:47 AM PST [Link]

STORY THE FIRST--1990
For many years, I was involved with the Society for Creative Anachronism--a medieval recreation group mocked by most serious students of history. I got involved in the college group, who I saw out on the plaza one day manning one of those student-group recruiting tables. There were a couple people in historical garb, interesting-looking pieces of armor on the table, and it caught my eye. I went to a few of the group's weekly meetings, a dance practice or two, and eventually decided to go to a weekend Event. I think this was one of the Crown Tournaments--a swordfighting tournament (with fake swords, and lots of padding) held a few times a year, the winner getting to be King until the next one. The thing is held out in a park, and everybody camps for the weekend--some in modern tents, others in elaborate medieval-style things. I, being a poor student, had no tent of course. But the college chapter had a pavilion, and it was common practice for any members who didn't have their own tent to share it. It slept about 6 comfortably; it usually held 8-10.

Anyway, we all carpool out to the Event, and set up the pavilion, and go off to have a good time. Day wears into evening, and people all over the campsite have campfire circles going, for singing, storytelling, a lot of gossipping, and no small amount of drinking. Eventually, tired and slightly lit, I wander back to the pavilion and get into my sleeping bag. It's late, but I'm the only one who's turned in at this point. I'm hoping I can get to sleep quickly, but the ground is a lot colder, harder and lumpier than I'm used to, and sleep eludes me. So I'm lying there for ten minutes or so, and then two of the other members tumble into the tent. They notice me there, and whisper to each other not to wake me up--thinking I'm asleep of course. I let them think I was indeed sleeping, in hopes that they'd be quiet while they got ready for bed.

As it turned out, they weren't actually all that interested in sleeping. By the time I realized what was what, things had progressed to the point where it would be, shall we say unwise? to clue them in to the fact that I was awake. So I lay there and listened to the two of them doing their thing, and made mental notes to start saving up for a tent of my own. It was an interesting introduction to SCA events, at the least. Not only did I not flee screaming from the group at the end of the weekend, though--I eventually went on to become the head of the college chapter.

STORY THE SECOND--1992
I spent a summer in France, working on an archaeological dig. It was the site of an ancient Roman fortified city on the top of a mountain, and it was beautiful. The mountaintop was flat as a table, and on a clear day you could see Mont Blanc way off on the horizon. Twisted, ancient oaks grew up there, their trunks completely covered in fuzzy green moss like a fur coat. I was with a group of French students trying for their CAFA, essentially a certificate allowing them to work as skilled labor on archaeological digs. Our team spent part of the day in lectures and study labs, and the rest out on the dig; they shifted us around from area to area of the site, to get a feel for different kinds of finds, conditions, methods and so forth. We found lots and lots of broken amphoras, some beautiful roofing tiles that wouldn't have looked out of place on a house in the village below; nails that had corroded to a twisted little squiggle of rust, a few coins. Our most significant find, I think, was a charred log almost a foot thick, in an old hearth; the charcoal was so well preserved that they said they could use the pattern of rings in the wood to date the tree precisely.

I was supposed to be on an equal footing with all the other CAFA candidates. I listened to the same lectures, did the same exercises, worked at the same sites, ate, drank, worked and slept with the others. And I was every bit as good as they were at the work; sometimes better. I didn't happen to uncover much in the way of artifacts in the field, but I excelled at recording and sketching our finds, both in situ and back in the lab.) So I thought I had a damn good shot at getting a CAFA certificate myself--not that I was planning on making a career as a French archaeologist, but it was a point of pride for me, you know? So I studied just as hard as any of the others for the exam that was the climax of our program, and sweated it out just as hard as them. The instructors brought us the results the next day, and I discovered that they didn't even bother to grade my test! I asked one about it, and he just laughed me off: "You didn't really expect to be given a certificate anyway, did you?" Well, yes I did--but even if I didn't, I was kind of hoping to find out if I WOULD have qualified, had I been French. But they couldn't be bothered even to figure that for me.

STORY THE THIRD--2001
I was driving home from the airport, on after a four-day visit with my family. About ten miles from home, in the left-hand lane and yes, I was traveling above the speed limit--but not out of proportion with the surrounding traffic--I saw what appeared to be a live, moving snake in my lane. Swerving to avoid running it over, I went into a skid and lost control of my car.

People talk about time standing still, or speeding up...that didn't happen to me. The five or six seconds it took for the whole thing to go down went by in five or six seconds. I skidded to the left, into the breakdown lane, and my left bumper hit the concrete center divider. My momentum set me spinning around widdershins. I remember fighting to regain some sort of control of the car, turning the wheel this way and that, doing everything I could to keep myself out of the traffic lanes even though I knew in my gut that "everything I could" was little more than nothing at all. A witness said I passed into the left, and center, traffic lanes. I could see the road, swirling around me, but I didn't see any of the other cars--perhaps I just wasn't facing any one car long enough to get a fix on it.

Perhaps I managed to exert some control over my skid after all, or perhaps I was just lucky--but I came to rest back in the breakdown lane, facing in my original direction as if I hadn't spun around two or three times after all. Even more unbelievably, I had not even brushed another vehicle. I had been thrown hard against my shoulder belt at the first impact with the divider, and was shaken from the whole thing, but otherwise unhurt.

Within ten seconds, a woman stopped and called the sheriff on her cell phone. It took fifteen or twenty minutes for a deputy to arrive, during which time she stayed around and even lent me her phone to call anyone I needed to. Shock caught up with me; I got dizzy and had to sit down for a while. I did get up to inspect the damage to my car, which was significant. The front end was unrecognizable; there wasn't even any space between the bumper and hood where the left headlight used to be. The hood was buckled, and bits of engine were visible from all angles. The rear end got crunched somehow too. The passenger compartment and the window glass were all intact--thank God for crumple zones I guess.

I got a ride home from the woman who'd stopped to help me, then collapsed for a while. Two days later I went out and bought the convertible I'd had my eye on for many years. Maybe not the smartest thing to do right after an accident, but I've had no regrets at all.

Posted by David @ 05:32 AM PST [Link]

So, Mark today unexpectedly told me he wants to be a musician. This is absolutely fine with me, other than the fact that I had no warning about it, it isn't what I envisioned for a happy secure life 50 years from now with him, and, I'm rather nervous about everything. He's just so damn talented with everything and I guess I get jealous sometimes. And I don't exactly want to be the s/o of someone who is always going to be travelling, arguing about concert/playing dates, and practicing 98% of the day. I feel like I get ignored, I guess... and one of the reasons I really like him is BECAUSE we want (WANTED now, I guess...) to go into the same field - well, he's already into it. But since he started things with his band lately, he's becoming rather obsessive about it, and I feel really pushed aside.

I don't know. A lot of things have been going on lately to make me feel weirded out and stuff. We've been fighting a lot, and last night we had an absolute bitching match. He's patient with me, but I feel like I'm losing patience with him really quickly. Maybe I got way too serious way too fast. After all... I'm still only seventeen... sigh.

Posted by Ashley @ 03:24 AM PST [Link]

Sunday, July 29, 2001

Two of the following stories are true. One is a lie.

Number 1: I was very active at my high school. I made honor role annually and served on student council. My favorite club was the Future Business Leaders of America. Mrs. Potter was my business ocupations instructor. She inquired if I would join and I did. We had a lot of fun. We learned about free enterprise. We started a small business of our own. Our new school store carried candy, pop and school supplies. It was quite successful.

My senior year she asked if I would consider candidacy for a state officer position. Our high school had never had one. She convinced me to run and assisted me in my campaign. I was elected Vice-President for Washington state. It was quite an honor. All of the state officers wore navy blue blazers with a blue and gold FBLA badge.

My involvement remains my favorite high school memory. It allowed me to meet our Governor that year. We received training on professionalism and etiquette. I represented Washington at the FBLA National Convention in Washington D.C. My FBLA experience was the primary motivation in receiving my college scholarship.

Number 2: I was 19 when we started driving to Vancouver on occasion to drink. British Columbia's legal drinking age in British Columbia is 19, while it is 21 here in Washington. One particular weekend Amber, Jenn and I decided to go clubbing in BC. At the Canadian border a heavy set woman in a crisp blue uniform waited.

She asked our citizenship, where we lived and inquired on the purpose of our visit. We provided the information. She then asked, "Are you aware it is illegal to transport drugs or firearms into Canda?" I still do not understand why, but I started laughing. We were ordered to park in the searching area.

The office was bleak. The female officer escorted the three of us to a room. We were repeatedly asked many questions. She ordered us to empty our pockets and purses. She found nothing of interest. An hour later a male officer reported he had found unmarked white pills in our car. I could see the female officer was pleased. She presented the evidence with glee and inquired what they might be. They were tryptophan. We watched her demeanor return to hostile.

Two hours from the time we arrived we were informed we could leave. The three of us were almost outside when she noticed Amber's T-shirt. On the front was a relatively innocent picture of Madonna from her Sex book. The female officer smiled. She informed us this t-shirt was pornography and it was illegal to bring pornography into Canada. We were stunned and returned home.

Number 3: My family took a vacation to San Francisco when I was nine. We drove to California. I remember crossing the Golden Gate bridge in the fog. My mother has a gay uncle has lived in San Fran for many years. He and his partner share a beauiful Victorian home. My parents failed to inform my brother or I of his sexual preference. I believe we were not supposed to notice.

During our stay we toured Alcatraz and rode a trolley car along Powell street. My brother wore his "Alcatraz Swim Team" shift for many years. One night they took our family to dinner at Alioto's. I remember not liking it very much. It was during our dessert I asked the inappropriate question. "Uncle Jack, who is the wife and who is the husband?" Our table became silent.

My father entered a new topic for conversation. It was late that night my mother came to tuck my brother and I in. She asked, "Do you both know about Jack and Robert?" We nodded. She looked a bit bewildered before explaining something about birds and bees. Her point was sometimes two male or two female birds will want to nest together. When she left we laughed for some time.

Posted by Rachael @ 10:32 PM PST [Link]

How was the conference? Well, it kinda sucked. I like going to backwards redneck places in the Central Valley more than I like these "cities" where everything is a friggin chain store and any sense of history has been replaced with strip malls and shiny glass mirrored buildings. Uh, yuck! Plus the whole fast food diet totally gets to me after awhile. Let's see, do I want Taco Bell? Carl's Jr? Pizza Hut? I forget how good we got it here in the Bay Area from time to time, y'know? As for the conference itself the main lecture was remarkably unremarkable. I was hoping to learn something. I guess I did pick up a few things here and there, but given a choice I woulda stayed home. And Saturday night everybody went out and partied and got sloppy in the gross kind of way - it left me kinda feeling like an oddball loner cause I don't drink. I'm home now though and the hot tub is warm and waitin for me. Yay! And how excited am I about a written immunity challenge? All I can say is finally! Woo Hoo!

Posted by Philo @ 09:24 PM PST [Link]

I'm back. The Seafood Fest was fun. We ate salmon and listened to music. I also bought some garlic fries. I read my earlier post and feel I should explain. Ballard is a very Scandinavian neighborhood of Seattle. No Bertie, it is not a city in California. (laughing). "Ya Sure Ya Betcha" is what we all say about Ballard. I saw Ruth today at the Starbucks booth. That was nice. We went to coffee college together a few years ago. I did not even know she was still with the company.

Tony was irritated I wanted to come home and write. He went to see a friend or something. I need to give Puppetmaster more attention. I have a reliable computer again and it will be over soon. I wanted to respond to what you all have said, but I need to write my immunity challenge. I am not concerned about winning immunity, but it will be fun. I'm certain you will all do quite well. Each of you are excellent liars. (laughing).

Posted by Rachael @ 05:42 PM PST [Link]

Eva: Yes she is, isn't she? It's not just you.

Ted: Makes perfect sense to me. Wear the hat forwards, and your eyes are shaded by the bill. Wear it backwards and you've got the sunglasses. Mind you, there are other solutions.

Congratulations (and pleasant dreams) to Peter and Rabi for their Blogathon righteousness. (Dammit Jason, now you've actually got me using the word!) Rabi, your collage-and-essay combos rule! Especially Brenda at Mathcamp, I loved the flow of both the picture and the story in that one.

This is frustrating: I ordered a book more than two weeks ago, that would be a good prep source for my interview. It still hasn't arrived, and it looks like it isn't going to; and even if it arrived tomorrow I wouldn't have time to read it. Not fun. At least there's a bunch of useful information on the web; I've been making lots of printouts and reading them offline. (There's only so much staring-at-a-screen I can take, not that you'd guess it from the fact that I joined up for this here game...) Please forgive me if I jabber on and on about this interview thing; it is a pretty big deal for me and I am kind of obsessing about it.

Posted by David @ 03:07 PM PST [Link]

Work called, again, for the third time in two weeks, and they want me to take a shift today. I didn't really want to, because I'm lazy and don't like to work, but I suppose I should. Bah. I think I'm going to leave early and get a snack before I start. Anyway... I get my first paycheque this week, because they screwed up a couple weeks ago when I was SUPPOSED to get it.

I'm thinking of getting four more fish. Bit and Byte are alive and well, and I would like to get a Tera, Giga, Mega, and Kilo to join them. Bit seems to have this ability to cloud his water quite heavily, and I don't know why. I'm going to have to change it again soon. I needed to go get dechlorinator for them, because the people I bought them from (well, the pet store, anyway...) forgot to put it in the bag. And the damn thing was even on the bill. I'm not cheap, I'm thrifty and besides, they can die without the stuff. They seem to be happy enough, they're a lot more energetic than when I bought them. Bit is especially gorgeous, bright red, while Byte is a bit dullish blue. I'll research more on Bettas tonight.

Turns out last night was a setup. My two friends looked absolutely shocked and horrified when I talked to Mark halfway through the meal on my cell because I missed him. "Hi sweetie.. yeah... I love you too... mwah... yes, I'll be home in half an hour" So did my "date". I hadn't seen them in a month, so I guess I can't really blame them, it IS a new relationship. But! I must admit, they have good taste. He does photography, is a writer, and loves computers. I couldn't have asked for anyone better... EXCEPT Mark :)

But now, I need to focus on finishing getting ready for work, and eating something before I go. Goddamn me telling my boss to "Call any time you need me!" It shouldn't apply to sunny afternoons with weather as beautiful as this.

Posted by Ashley @ 01:38 PM PST [Link]

God, I do not know why I'm awake.

Things not to do ever again:
1) Eat any kind of Japanese food
2) Get drunk and spray the neighbours'
3) Let Mark call at 4AM and wake up dad
4) Tell work I had a dentist appt on a SUNDAY
5) Spill soya sauce on my shirt due to chopsticks
6) Wake up before 10 in the morning ever, ever again.

Posted by Ashley @ 11:38 AM PST [Link]

Hey, welcome back Rachael. Let the party continue.

I got a call about an hour ago from Beth. She's a good friend who lives near BNEC; we're going to meet up for dinner while I'm out there interviewing. Beth and I are each other's designated traveling companions; we've been on a few vacations together, and like to go at the same pace, see similar things, and also tend not to snap at each other when things don't go right. (She was part of the disastrous conference trip, and yet we still talk on a regular basis. That's how well we travel together.) If either of us wins the grand Mediterranean cruise on Hollywood Squares or something, the other is going to be the friend in "You and a friend will enjoy basking in the sun..."

You know, I wish I loved my present job and location enough to settle down long-term. That's not just a lament for an evasive sense of contentment--I'm wishing that because this town is a real buyer's market for real estate right now. I counted six houses for sale along a one-mile stretch of road today; there are literally dozens of nice-looking houses up for sale in quiet neighborhoods all over town, and on top of that, builders are putting up yet more Instant Mansions^TM, retirement communities and apartment complexes. (What are they thinking? I can't imagine.) It would be really easy to get a very nice, older house for (relatively) cheap. Too bad I want to get out of here. It's for the best, though--I couldn't scrape up a down payment right now anyway.

Posted by David @ 11:28 AM PST [Link]

I'm sorry to have been absent. My computer died. I came home from work on Friday and it wouldn't even start. It had been having problems. I phoned my brother. He helped me realize it was beyond fixing and suggested Repc. I went after work yesterday. I don't really have the money, but I made a purchase anyway. I found a used PC with 128 MB of RAM, a 2.1 GB hard drive and a 24x CD with monitor for $500. I am very pleased.

I am so happy with my new computer. I wanted to load software last night, but we had dinner plans with friends. It was very nice. They cooked steaks outside on their grill. I don't like eating beef often, but everything was delicious. I wanted to post last night, but Tony wanted my attention. He isn't a computer person. May I say I feel very good about my purchase? It is working beautifully.

We are going to Seafood Fest in Ballard today. Ya sure ya betcha (laughing). It should be fun and I do love salmon. I will write more later. For now I am so glad just to be back online.

Posted by Rachael @ 10:22 AM PST [Link]

I've just been watching Peter on his blogathon. Since I can't play mp3s on this godforsaken machine I'm stuck with at work (plus it can't even handle AIM. Grrr!), I decided to watch him on his webcam for a few minutes. And now I feel like a stalker. I suppose that is what webcams are there for, but it's a concept that I still have trouble with. Even though I am happy to discuss very personal stuff in front of an unknown audience (I don't even have a tracker on my site, I don't refer to logs, I only know you're there if you e-mail me), I don't think I could handle knowing that some random person, on the other side of the world or a street away, might be sitting watching me. *shudder* (But then I go and do it to Peter. Oh, I don't know.)

New Flatmate went up north to see his parents this weekend and my Canadian guest left this morning. Last night I had a few friends round and we got through several bottles of wine. My aforementioned ex The last person left at 5am or so. Ack! I feel slightly wretched today, but not too bad given the circumstances. Also, I smoked last night. I am a bad person. I am greatly craving ginger beer and orange juice. I cannot have any.

I called into my old flat to pick up mail. My old room has been transformed and Flatmate 1, the nice French girl, and Scotch Egg were in there. Flatmate 1 at least was wasted as usual. "Oh, yeah, some mail did come in for you. It looked important. I don't know where it is." Grrr. I hunted around, couldn't find it, took a couple more dishes, a mug and some henna, and left. Something about that place just feels so stale now. Always the same, never going out, always wasted. I'm just relieved to be out but at the same time I feel sad about the way things went.

Oh, well. Is it just me or is Jill Matrix the coolest person on earth?

Posted by Eva @ 09:53 AM PST [Link]

*David drops a stone down the PM well, and listens for a splash*

Posted by David @ 09:17 AM PST [Link]

I went to the Giant Robot party today, which was hella fun. If you don’t know about this magazine, I suggest checking them out. They had an article once where they tried all the instant ramen out there and rated them. A RAMEN REVIEW people!!! insane… Anyways, I met the people behind the magazine and they were all super cool. I even saw a guy there that dressed up as the construction worker in the Village People. Serious!!! AND he had a belt on that was made up of ketchup bags. KETCHUP!!! weird…

I had some serious good food today. I went to this Thai place where I had my Tom Yum soup, which is one of my fave in the world. Especially if you add some rice in it. mmm…

Random thought of the day: Last night, I saw the most useless and funniest infomercial. They were selling a cap, where sunglasses were attached to the back. The supposed benefit is that if you wear your cap backwards, then you automatically have sunglasses there to wear. Ok, I am one serious lazy mofo (this is the boy who has a pen in his car so that he could change radio stations w/o reaching over), but anyone who gets that cap deserves to die so that they can't reproduce anymore.

Ashely - Sorry to hear about your tummy. Would you like me to rub it for you? This might not help you out, but at least you’ll be able to tell your fortune with sushi. And I loved your profile on me, especially the reasons. I got my shirt from this Japanese Art exhibition called Superflat. And I think you can still get shirts like mine from Giant Robot. No, I’m not working for them, but it would be cool if I did *cough cough* (You reading this Eric? Martin?) Oh, and did you say you found an article about my rave shooting? I would love to see that…

Posted by Ted @ 04:02 AM PST [Link]

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