Due to genetics and an affinity for cheese, I gained considerable weight and blossomed hirsutely a little later in life than most. Although I now find it easier to socialize in ursine circles [though choose more often not to], I remind myself often what it was like *not* to be welcomed to the party. And frankly, there are always reminders. Rejection runs rampant regardless of one’s personal standards.

But I think the thing that many who have responded to your post seem to misunderstand is that “Bear Community” is a gross misnomer. The concept of “community” transcends the meet-and-greet-and-meat of a Lone Star or a bear event or a bear website. And although there are exceptions, it should be noted that the initial thing that brings these folks together is what they look like, and often what they like physically. That’s not community, that’s fetish and personal taste.

Don’t let the hugginess fool you. Regardless of what the sub-press and hype might claim with regard to acceptance-of-all and semi-utopian vision of this particular gay subculture, bear people are just that: people. And individual people have different tastes, and will have different reactions to other people and situations. The Bear Movement [ugh] is not monolithic, it is as varied as those who comprise it.

We can take minimal comfort in the fact that until about 1988 [I was there], there was no such thing as bears, and many guys who had been considered undesirable were suddenly the king of the prom. Consider it an overreaction, or at least, taking one’s own spin seriously, but these same fellas saw certain poetic justice in treating other guys like crap, because that’s the end of the stick they were used to. As I say, minimal comfort, but we’ve all seen it in one form or another.

To Frank’s March 19th post: we need to be careful with bandying about terms like KKK. It simply isn’t fair to those who treat others kindly and without apparent prejudice. And really, the Ku Klux Klan?! C’mon! Those are pretty strong [and erroneous] words. The KKK is way more organized, for one; and has a history of lynching, burning crosses on lawns, and running for political office. Most bear event attendees just want to get laid … huuuuge difference.

Regarding Bear411: fuck ‘im. It’s one guy’s website. Sure, its popularity nudges it to crossing the line into some sort of public service, but it isn’t, it’s just one guy [and a small team] and his gatekeeping opinion. Go elsewhere. I have. It’s a big world, and a big web. bearciti is terrific, so is bearwww. bigmusclebears is good, too, though for finding friends, can be a little specific for some.

Thanks again for your post.

Anyhow, I’d recommend BiggerCity. It’s much more chaser-friendly.