shoulder tapping
There’s only one thing worse than having your corporate badge not work and having to shoulder tap other people to get into the building you work in. Losing your corporate badge all-together. Guess who lost his corporate badge this weekend?
Losing your badge at this company is about as convenient as losing your wallet and your car keys at the same time. While there is a 300 pound man repeatedly kicking you in the groin. Before, I could just wait for another employee to open the door for me, and I would ride on their coattails, showing my badge to the security guard and give a little Mentos smile and thumbs-up on the way to my cubicle. Now? I have to call an employee from the company to come downstairs and sign in for me, which can take up to twenty minutes. Pretty inconvenient.
The kicker, though, is the process of trying to get my badge again.
Ernie: Hi, I’m a contractor and I lost my badge th—
Pissed Off Woman at Security Station #8: We don’t do ID’s no more.
Ernie: You don’t do… ID’s… no more.
POW@SS: *pause* Nope.
Ernie: Uhmm… okay. Uhhh, who does then?
POW@SS: You gotta fill a form out, present two forms of picture ID, contract company letterhead and fax it to a company in Illinois. You’ll then get it in the mail in two weeks.
Ernie: *sigh* Fine. Can I get a form?
POW@SS: Main lobby [a quarter mile away]. NEXT!
A security station that not only doesn’t make its own corporate badges, but doesn’t even have the forms if badges get lost or stolen. God help us if I’m in this building when an earthquake hits and she’s running security in this ship, because you know she would put 400 frantic phone calls on hold while she eats her grilled cheese sandwich and watches Ricki Lake.
