Small Woodland Creatures Strictly Prohibited
An actual e-mail supplied by the client we work for, regarding cubicle space.
There will be an unannounced audit of cubicles during the month of
February. Small appliances are not allowed in cubicles. This includes
fans, lamps, coffee warmers, etc. … for the time being you should assume
that all small appliances are a violation of Company Policy and should
immediately be removed from your cube. My understanding is that any small
appliance found during the audit will be confiscated. If you have any
questions as to whether a small appliance currently in your cubicle is
acceptable, feel free to ask me and I will try and determine whether it
meets Company residency requirements.
To which, my team lead adds in a footnote:
PS I think that it is safe to assume that large appliances are forbidden
from cubicles, as well. Finally, should you have any small animals in your
cubicle I would recommend that you remove them, also.
Hmmm. And begin overactive imagination… now.
(Ernie looks under his cubicle desk)
Ernie: Thumper? Bambi? Flower? Looks like you guys are getting evicted, man.
Thumper: What? Oh no! But spwing is appwoaching and the fwowers are bwooming!
Flower: Where will we go? We’ll be SO bewwy bewwy cold!
Bambi:
Ernie: Sorry, guys. Unannounced audit of cubicles during the month of February — thems the rules.(Furry woodland creatures, defeated with their head down, march out of Ernie’s cubicle single-file, as they head to the elevator.)
Thumper: First fwoor, pweeze.
Holy Christ, I really need to lay off the coffee in the mornings.
