On my way to San Francisco, I saw the remnants of San Francisco’s Saint Patrick’s Day parade, drunk people with goofy green hats or vests. You don’t see a lot of Asians at the Saint Patrick’s parade, for obvious reasons. Probably because of the dread that some idiot will come up to them, screaming “hey, you don’t look Irish! Why are you at this parade?” (The answer, of course, is “so I can justify being a jerk and drinking Guinness at 11am. Just like you, assclown.”)
Speaking of things only white people do, I got to fire a gun for the first time in my life while in Texas. At an event called “Geeks with Guns,” no less. It works as follows:
- Someone hands you a Glock 40-calibur mid-size, explains how the gun works and is loaded in around twenty seconds, and then you then sign a liability form releasing them from all responsibility. Answer “no” when he asks you whether you’re drunk, on drugs, or have a history of mental illness. Briefly contemplate saying “No, but my sister’s crazy. Does that count?” and then realize that, no, that’d probably be a stupid idea.
- Point said gun at a target. Fire gun, and pray the gun doesn’t recoil so hard that you don’t let go of the gun and the gun doesn’t fly in mid-air, spontaneously firing and hitting your friends in the face.
- Continue firing gun. Similar to how people who are afraid of heights have sudden, intense thoughts of being thrown off high places against their will, start visualizing that your loaded gun has a personality, like that shoe in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.” Briefly imagine the gun running around the shooting range with its big cartoony eyes, firing and hitting your friends in the face. Imagine your friends screaming in agony. Shake it off.
- Realize that once you get over that fear of shooting a gun for the first time, it’s actually kind of a rush. Contemplate at least showing up for “Full-Auto Fridays.” Quickly get over it.
Yo….congrats on shooting your first weapon. I truely think its so much fun. Even though you may not want to buy one you should try it more than once. You’ll even get a bigger rush when you shoot a semi-automatic to full automatic weapon. Even a bigger rush when you attach a granade launcher on that bad boy. Man you feel like a mini version of Stallon in the movie “Cobra”. Happy Hunting Ernie!
Whoa! “Ernie’s got a gun”, next broadway hit?
У нас тоже был Saint Patrick’s parade ))))
You look just like Kate Jackson in the opening credits of Charlie’s Angels.
but I took them away from all that
The reason why they ask you if you’re on drugs is so you won’t believe that the cartoon gun running around shooting up people gangsta style is real and return fire.
That and they totally want to score.
That’s my idea of a good time.
Wow, welcome to the Republican Party, Ernie. Now perhaps you can volunteer and then save us from all the bad guys in Iraq. You would probably look cute in camouflage!
Oh dear. Gunz.
Your story kind of reminds me of the time my mom packed heat to a funeral. Remind me to tell you that story some time.
hey, wanna go to the range sometime? there’s an indoor one in South City. There’s two outdoor ones in San Leandro. Whaddya say? I can get a .357. Oh and it’s spelled calibEr.
Dude ..you look like a bad-ass!
dude, you’ve obviously never been to San Jose’s St. P’s celebrations: all Vietnamese and Mexican (Catholics, get it?)… but I’m being serious here…
What a fag. You just point it and shoot it. Nothing clever about it.
Giacomo, I want to hear that story.
LOL, “assclown.”
I mean, of all the places to stick thick makeup and a hollow red rubber bulb~!
We’ve a picture of my friend Cathy, a 5′3″ cute Vietnamese girl, holding an uzi and her neatly shot target in Vegas. Asian people and big redneck guns++!
LOL. funny post. Always wanted to shoot things in Texas.
nice blog, found it stumbling.
errr…drop the gun and move to Canada, fast.