I never did post about my cruise, did I? Very well, then. A couple of weeks ago, I went on a 7-day cruise to Mexico with Emotion Eric. The idea started innocently enough:
Eric: Cruises are great. You can eat any time you want, and you don’t have to pay a cashier afterwards.
Ernie: Dude, I wanna eat. I’ve never gone before.
Eric: You wanna go?
Ernie: Sure.
Eric: Okay, I’ll book the tickets.
And the next thing you know, I was on a boat drinking a mango tango with a Jamaican band playing “Who Let the Dogs Out.” I had never done the whole cruise ship experience, had never rolled my eyes at the cheesy cruise ship musical shows, ridden a horse, snorkeled or kayaked. And now that I’m approaching 30, I figure I can cross off “been on a cruise” on my to-do list for “Things to do now that I’m adult and have to do adult things.”
Some other thoughts:
- Going with Eric (who is straight) was cool, but I feel kinda bad for him, because apparently the conversation with co-workers afterwards went something like this:
Co-worker: So I heard you went on a cruise with Ernie.
Eric: Yep.
Co-worker: Isn’t he…?
Eric: Yep.
Co-worker: … niiiiiice.
Eric: *rolls eyes*To which I will say to my co-workers publically: Chill. Jeezus, you guys, it’s just two friends going on a giant boat to Mexico. I mean, how gay is going on a cruise line, going horseback riding on the beach, walking along the coastline of Puerto Vallarta at sunset? With the waves, crashing in slow motion on the beach, drinks with little umbrellas in hand? Totally not gay at all.
Okay, it is pretty gay. Talk all the shit you want. Seriously.
- Speaking of gay: it seems like every single gay blogger seems to be making reference to Brokeback Mountain. Heath Ledger shirtless in a magazine! Jake Whatshisface in a magazine! They’re in cowboy hats and making out! That’s like a porno, but it’s not, because it’s artsy! So, just to be one of the status quo, here’s a picture of Eric and I on horses. Please send me donations, kthxbi.
- The stuff of cruise boats pride themselves of being an international staff and trying to make you feel as welcome as possible and trying to speak in your native language. Eric and I are both ethnically Chinese. Hilarity ensues.
Wait staff, to the both of us: NI HAO!!
Us, in unison: Ni hao.
Deck hands: NI HAO!!
Us, in unison: Uhh… ni hao.
Mexican street kids selling chiclets: NI HAO!!
Ernie: (to Eric) Okay, this is getting hella old. We should speak in Chinese so they’ll start ignoring us. “Women bu tingdong.” ["We don't understand."]
Eric: DUDE, HELLA BU TINGDONG!
Ernie: Nice. - Because of the time of year and the length of the cruise, there are a lot of senior citizens. A LOT of senior citizens. I have NEVER danced with so many older women in my entire life. (And by older I mean 60, by “never so much” I mean three, and by “danced” I mean “politely sway side by side while AC/DC was being played by some 19 year old German intern on a cruise boat for college credits.)
- You know how you play Bingo on a cruise? Oh, we played bingo, alright. I can proudly say that I know most of the bingo variations: lucky 7, corners, black-out. Apparently, older people play bingo the same way packs of teenagers will stare each other down at the shopping mall; they’ll cut you if you fuck with them.
- Funniest conversation I’ve had on the trip:
Ernie: (sarcastically, because he’s having a hard time falling asleep) Eric, sing me a lullaby.
Eric: Uhmm… okay.“Hush little baby,”
“don’t you cry…”
“uhm… Mama’s gonna bake you”
“uh… a pumpkin pie.”“And if that… pumpkin pie don’t… uhm… sing…”
“Mama’s gonna make you… uhh… eat… her… thing…”Ernie: (eyes open in horror)
Can’t stop laughing. Need help.
that is seriously my new favorite lullaby!
omg. too funny! i have to copy that lullaby and sing it to my gf haha.
So I says to Oedopis, I says… Your Mamma!
Wow, they actually got your ethnicity right. When traveling with friends, people usually say “konichiwa” to us even though we’re Chinese.
For every Chinese greeting, you should have done the Hee Haw white trash greeting in response. HOW-DEEEEEEEEEE!
I like t2ed’s suggestion. You could have also completely messed with them and responded “No habla ingles!”
I’m in the same boat (possibly a cruise?) as jen. Folks always think I’m Japanese and start speaking Japanese to me…it doesn’t help that I’ll answer them back in Japanese (I took classes in school).
EXCELLENT lullaby. Congratulations to Eric. I couldn’t stop laughing when I read that either.
I have to comment because I was on vacation in Puerto Vallarta a couple of weeks ago, and we would sit on the beach and watch (and take pictures of) the cruise ships in the bay, so theoretically, I may have waved at you at some point.
Small world.
Oh, man, I shoulda waited to read this until after I got home..my cow-orkers are lookin at me, wondering why I can’t stop laughing.
Funniest. Lullaby. EVER!
It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking anything because I spit/burst out laughing at the work computer! And now my co-workers are looking at me funny.
I lol’ed at the lullaby.
I don’t know how I found your blog but I’m glad I did. I’m also glad you finally updated. Great post…that lullaby was..uhm….creative. HA
well its about bloody time you made an entry! i went on a cruise to the south pacific last year- the photos are so misleading..the water looks amazing but really, its uncomfortably warm and there are vicious sea life waiting to eat you. good to see you’re back!
LOL so big with this post, Ern! I miss laughs like this cuz we don’t see as many posts as we used to. Keep it up, tho.
Gah!!!! I’ll never look at that song the same way again.
i love your humor and your mini blog.
ROFLMAO! Ernie, when are you going to write a novel or play or movie or something like that. So funny.
Ernie, you are the funniest blogger in the world. You really should write a script or something. You make me happy!
I’d make a reference to Boat Trip, but I never saw it, so I don’t know where to begin. That lullaby, though? Oh man, totally not gay at all.
Wait…so is Eric gay or not?
This entry tickles my no-no places. =D
XINERGY
ummm… lullaby?
ummm… seperate beds?
ummm… what happens on the boat, stays on the boat…?
Bwah ha ha!
Thanks, now everybody knows I’m not working ; )
That lullaby just made me laugh out loud in class.
okay, this now makes me the only gay blogger who hasn’t referenced brokeback on my blog. it’s probably inevitable, though.
OMIGOSH I still can’t stop laughing. So much for trying to rhyme Ernie!
Thank you, Ernie! This is just the kind of laugh I needed before class this morning!
eric is HILARIOUS!
2 words: sticky rice.
Bitch, u ever gonna call me? I have some new music you want, n not j-pop, hehe
I love your posts! Please post more often!
Man, you clearly don’t tingdong — it’s “ting bu dong” for “don’t understand,” dong being a resultative complement to ting!
I have to say, I love it that ethnically Chinese people are now getting the equivalent of the “hello money hello look look” that every non-Asian foreigner gets here.
Two asian guys + cruise = hilarious moments
I can tell you that the bingo observation is true in every bingo hall across the world. Don’t make too much noise either or you’ll get nasty threatening looks and a close up view the shank they made out of a bingo dauber.
Hehehe xD
Seriously, Its kinda cute that the staff on the boat tried atleast.
“bu tingdong”? You can “tingdong”, but you can’t “bu tingdong”…it’s “tingbudong” or “mei tingdong”. You really don’t know Chinese, do you? Not that there’s, you know, anything wrong with that.
Nevertheless, I’m so jealous that you got to go on a cruise with Eric. Then again, it’s just as well I didn’t, because I would be secretly wanting to get in his pants the whole time, and be distracted from my bingo card numbers.