little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

the DHTML application that cured cancer

The mini-blogged killed off any real content to this website. I know, I know.

Not that I have anything to write about, having no real 9-to-5 job at all. This may all change soon, however, because along with a freelance project here and there, I recently interviewed for a job doing web development for a VERY high-profile Internet company. I can’t talk much about it, for now - I received a verbal agreement to do a 3 month contract-to-hire, but since my first day working has not been discussed yet, anything can happen. The contract could fall through, an employer can give a bad reference, the company could find out about my side-project selling North Korean orphans on EBay. I’m excited, but it’s a skeptical excited.

I will say this, though: I had interviewed with the company a year ago. Since then, they’ve made the interview process much more thorough, which is a good move on their part - they’re trying to find web developers that know their shit, who are excited about web development and would make an integral part of their team.

It makes me, however, a nervous wreck.

Let me offer a comparison between my interview a year ago and my interview last week. Slightly exaggerated, of course.

(The scene: One year ago. After a 20 minute conversation with the web team, Ernie is talking to the HR guy.)

HR guy: So, lets get to the point - we’re looking for a web developer. Have you worked on the web before?
Ernie: Yes.
HR guy: Great. Let’s talk salary.
Ernie: Chi-CHING, muthafucka!

(The scene: Last week. A conference room filled with a bunch of really, really smart web developers. Ernie is pointing to things on an overhead projector and is stuttering, something he does when he’s really nervous.)

Ernie: …so in conclusion, this p-p-project parses strings taken from the MS-XML object and on a user interface level, mimics Microsoft Excel f-f-functionality using DHTML functions.
Web Dev #1: But your function uses a method that’s IE exclusive.
Ernie: That’s because the client only used Internet Explorer.

(Insert sound of crickets chirping here.)

Web Director: So, show us some of your other projects?
Ernie: I created a accessibility focused, DHTML project that supports web-standards that dismantles all nuclear weapons worldwide. It also cures cancer and and sings your children to sleep.

Web Dev #8: I did that once. But mine also worked for Mozilla.

(Insert image of a tumbleweed, rolling through the conference room.)

Ernie: Should I pick up my rejection notice now, or should I just wait for it in the mail?

So… we’ll see what happens. In the meantime, does anyone want to buy an orphan?

Ernie, I’d hire you in a second–and I’m an HR Director!

Okay, I’m a healthcare HR Director, but if you happen to be an RN as well as a web developer then give me a call!

Otherwise… well, I’d hire you just out of my own money, but there’s barely enough of that to pay the bills.

Seriously, good luck with the current job prospect! *hug*

I, too, would hire you Ernie.

But your type doesn’t take well to being sequestered in a subterranean laboratory, working long hours in “the parlor,” a dimly-lit, often damp cavern featuring reruns of The Waltons on our small black-and-white television.

You’re pale enough as it is.

Now THAT was teh funnay!

Good luck with the job interview, sounds like you nailed it; the worst interviews are the best, if you know what I mean…

sending happy job vibes in your general direction. Shit, anything to make you start blogging regularly again, damnit! How am I suppose to survive my boring dead end job without you to distract me?

Ernie,

I *have* hired hardcore web developers in the past — and put them through the wringer in the process. Based on what I’ve seen of your work, and a couple of your rants, I doubt there’d be an issue hiring you.

Unless you totally dropped your pants and ran screaming around the room like a mad, mad monkey.

That could go either way.

Ive been to some interviews where dropping my pants and running around like a mad monkey would probably have been the better idea.

I think youll be ok, but good luck anyway.

GOOD LUCK DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Luck on the job search.
I laughed out load when I read that second interview–sorry dear.

So you got any orphans in stock still?!

Ernie…

You ROCK! Hella funny! “…worked on Mozilla too…” Just think, if this whole “Web Designer” thing doesn’t work out, you can do what you’ve always wanted to do anyway… Make up stories for us to read! Actually, Computers are just a fad. Pretty soon, no one will want to play with them anymore, and we’ll all need a contingency plan. I’ve made mine Basket Weaving.

Oh, and electricity is just a really long lasting anomoly in the physical universe. In a few years electron’s won’t move through silicon anymore, and who will be laughing then!!!

Maybe I could get the orphan to drop his pants and run screaming like a monkey. I could charge for that, you know. I think I’ll make that my contingency plan.

mememememe! i wanna orphan! puhlleeeeez? pleeeze can i have one, ernie? oh, wait, these had better be /cheap/ orphans… we don’t want none of that expensive-orphan sheeyat…

good luck anyhow, dud! er, dude.

dood, that mozilla line just had me laughing. but seriously, you’re good! don’t ever doubt that, i’ve seen your coding skillahz first hand and you code like no body’s business.

oh yea, got any more orphans? do you think i can take them over the border?

it’s nice to see ya being punchy again.

Thanks for the grins. Reading this post was like watching a web developer version of Scrubs.

Ernie:

Good luck on the job! Remember, barter with the orphans if all else fails.

I was going to congratulate you Ernie, Dave had lead me to believe you landed the job at said HUGE internet company, but now I see it is conditional.

So, congratulations anyway. That depiction of the interview was priceless. I’m not even sure I would know what to do in one of those ’show us what you know’ interviews.

I hope they hire you Ern! YAHOOOOOOOO!!!

April nailed it - the Web Developer version of Scrubs! Too funny. I’m glad to see that even people with your talent, know-how and ability feel inferior in the presence of other “superior” developers… makes me feel less alone!

What are you doing, interviewing at Google? Good luck though. They obviously need your narrative skillz, if nothing else.

i ditto hannah! we have our needs too…we need you to blog regularly for our sanity…
and…uh…yours of course!

eve cracked me up “Maybe I could get the orphan to drop his pants and run screaming like a monkey. ”

…something about that just ain’t right though

Good luck! Happy thoughts…

If I could get a good deal on a pair of orphans, twins, 19-21 years old, that would be cool. Just don’t tell my partner. Though he might notice a couple extra North Koreans in the house.

You know, when anybody ever posts a psuedo conversation in their blog I think of you. Its some sort of ernie-ism that makes LYD great.

Good luck finding a job.

Hey Ernie, MY cure for cancer not only works in Mozilla, it works in Lynx with cookies rejected.

“Chi-Ching, mutha fucka!” I think I’m gonna use that at my interview Thursday! That was classic LYD, Ern-ster!