little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

the interview

I’m a permanent employee now, which means that instead of being interviewed, I get to be one of the people interviewing potential job candidates. It happens on a regular basis, but it hasn’t been anything very blog-worthy.

Until now.

Job Candidate: So, to showcase some of my abilities with positional cascading style sheets, I’ll show you one of the sites I worked on. But a word of warning: it has, uhm, “explicit content.”

Meaning: it’s a porn site. Now as some of you know, I’ve worked on porn sites before - if a site uses CSS for presentation and layout well, who cares if it’s a financial site or a site like, say, farmsex.com? And besides, we’re all adults here. Right? Right.

Candidate: Okay, here we go. (The interviewee presses the [ENTER] key and the page loads, in all its pornographic glory.) The client came to us looking for a product that emphasizes clean design and responsive loading times.
Everyone else: (nods)
Candidate: I tried to convert the navigation into an unordered list, and…
Manager: (pauses, then runs to the conference room window and shuts blinds)

Yep, the blinds were open, meaning that anyone could walk by the conference room and, uhm, take a glance at his portfolio. Could you imagine if the CEO and the two co-founders walked by the room at that very moment?

Candidate: Okay, here we go. (The interviewee presses the [ENTER] key and the page loads, in all its pornographic glory.) As you can see, this is a porn site. Her breasts are very big and the image of hard core penetration looks much large projected on a conference room wall.
Everyone else: (nods) Yes, yes. Genitals very large. Yes.
Candidate: Now, to integrate this with the companies mail product, we…
Manager: (pauses, then runs to the conference room window and shuts blinds)

Needless to say, though, that didn’t happen. Actually, the candidate was pretty professional about everything. Me on the other hand - well, yeah.

Ernie: The code is nicely implemented - have you thought about issues of accessibility?
Candidate: Hmmm… what do you mean?
Ernie: Well, let’s say that I was using a text browser like Lynx, and I wanted to purchase a copy of (glances at screenshot) “Asian Cum Sluts, volume 5.” Or I was blind and using a screen reader. Would you modify anything?
Candidate: Well, I could modify the…
Web Developer #7: Wait, what would someone blind be doing buying “Asian Cum Sluts, volume 5?”
Candidate: Uhmm…
Ernie: Hey, you never know. It could be an aural thing. Ha ha! I said “aural.”
Web Developer #9: What’s the URL for this site again?
Candidate: Can I answer my question about accessibility now?

Me myself? I just wanted the chance to say the words “text browser” and “Asian Cum Sluts” in the same sentence. With a straight face. At work.

ernie, you are my new hero. oh i wish i worked with you.

What a boring place you work at. Just to spice things up at work, I like to yell, ‘make a copy of this you asian cum slut’ or ‘can I have some more of this fistingly delicious coffee’ or ‘more gaping holed donuts with creamy goodness you kinky bitch’.

But did you really say it with a straight face now?

I TOTALLY SAID IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! I amazed even myself. I should be Employee of the Year after the way I said it - that’s how serious I sounded.

Of course, now I’m giggling like a 11-year old schoolgirl (shut up, peanut gallery)

Tee hee hee!! Thanks for the LOL today, Ern. I really really *really* needed it! Okay, now back to homework…

That is the funniest shit I’ve ever read online. Very rarely do I laugh so hard at something and there is no possible way I could explain it to anyone who doesn’t do what I (and you) do. I can just hear Butthead, “huh-huh, I said ‘aural’.”

The poor guy, I wonder if he really had a chance to answer. If he was worth his salt he would have aluded to the increased search engine optimization web standards(tm) inherently provides.

That is amazing!!! Congrats Ernie!!!

too funny. ernie should hire a drummer to follow him around for moments like that. a rim shot would have been iceing on the cake

Well? Did he get the job developing Yahoo!’s new porn portal?

Will he be assuming the position?

Eric in Seattle

You know, there’s a good joke about porn, portal, Ern, and Yahoo! in here somewhere, but I just can’t figure it out. *sigh*

I think there can definitely be an art to porn sites. I mean, imagine the poor guys whose portfolios and their best works ahve to be shunned just because they did the “Asian boys Gone Wild” site?

Congrats Ernie. This entry is priceless.

ROFLMAO!!! you crack my shit up.

my question is this: “Web Developer #9: What’s the URL for this site again?” - just why did WD #9 need to know the URL for the site *again*???

Hahahaha… Wow. It boggles my mind that he didn’t have other sites in his portfolio to show you. Well, it’d not be as amusing. But you know.

Wow, nice one. Asian Cum Shots and text browser in the same sentence- Hahaha, Good job.

That’s it. I’m applying for Yahoo! to meet Ernie, dammit.

well done, ernie. well done.

Um that is TOO funny. How come cool stuff like that never happens to me at work?

Heh. Those moments are priceless.

Higher-ups walking in on sex stuff is great fun. My ninth grade geography teacher was being fired at the end of the year, so she stopped caring and just let us watch movies. During the sex scene in Top Gun, I kept praying for the principal to walk in. He would have lost his hairpiece…

lmao, too funny…

About why a blind person would be surfing porn sites:

I had a blind friend who kept aquariums. Couldn’t see the fish. It’s not like you take them out for a walk or pet them. The sound of the pump and filter drowned out any sound the fish would make. Occasionally he’d need someone to count them and see if any had died. I never really got it, but he enjoyed it.

I wouldn’t be at all surprized if there are blind people out there using screen readers to surf porn.

Interview w/ porn web developer

Funniest blog entry ever. Ernie has done it again.

it would be like stephen hawking dirty to you: “oh, put it in my butt, hard and fast. don’t you want to play with me?”

haha that was hilarious!

Oh God now I’m worried about the accessibility of porn for the blind…I do so hope someone is taking care of this issue.

your job is simply way cooler than mine. i never have asian cum sluts at work.

not for lack of trying.

note to self: #1 Do NOT read ernie’s blog while eating lunch at work.
note to self: #2 Find out what’s good for cleaning food off of monitor screen.