On Friday I went to my friends wedding. Okay, maybe not so much “friend” as it is the cousin of my best friend Royce. They live in Davenport, which is a sleepy hillside town, off a road built for white people when they want to drive by the oceanside to Santa Cruz. With a population of around 350, Davenport looks straight out of a Thomas Kinkaid painting, if Thomas Kinkaid imagined his paintings inhabited by crazy-ass drunk Mexicans. All of whom are related to Royce.
There are the things I have learned about a Davenport wedding:
1) I’ve only been to Catholic mass a couple of times, all of which were part of a wedding ceremonies. While I don’t necessarily believe in the Catholic faith, I’ve always felt that there’s a grandeur to it that’s fascinating to watch. You know, the cantors, the candles, the solemn “Thanksbetogod,” “Andalsowithyou” back and forth between the priest and his congregation. There’s something calming about the ceremony of it all.
Yeah, not so much with this one. I’m fairly sure this will be the Catholic mass I attend in a while where the wedding crowd “whoos” while the bride goes down the aisle. Twice. And where there are cholos waiting in the parking lot. And a guy with a pimp hat with a neckbrace in the audience. And a bridesmaid with three neck tattoos. (In her defense, she was very nice, so long as you don’t fuck with her, which meant “look directly at her.” Just kidding. Kind of.)
2) As someone who’s been to his share of Filipino weddings, I’ve decided there really isn’t much of a difference between a Filipino wedding and a Mexican one; one plays more Mexican ballads, the other plays more songs to do the thirteen-step cha-cha to. They both play latin freestyle. And serve pork. Pork, I have learned, is the sacred food of the Catholic people. And since pork is fucking delicious, I am okay with this.
3) Chinese wedding banquets might serve champagne – maybe beer – but it’s purely for show. After all, old Asian people don’t really drink at weddings, and they sure as hell don’t party with their own family. Mexicans drink at weddings. A lot. They also sneak in kegs, which unfortunately didn’t sit too well with the rent-a-cops. Six police squadron cars were called shortly afterwards a broke up the reception at 9:30pm, and while I can’t say I attended my first wedding-reception-turned-angry-racial-melee, I can finally cross “Attend a wedding reception broken up by cops” crossed off my life’s To-Do list. Baby steps, I suppose.
That is all.
(Flickr photo credit: Cordelia)
LOL, “the thirteen-step cha-cha.” So very true.
Oh yeah! Sounds like every wedding that has ever taken place in my family. Did you have dollar dances with the bride?
Wow. That beats the last wedding I attended. The biggest thing there was that the best man’s girlfriend made a stink that he wasn’t paying her enough attention, so she got drunk, screamed a lot, and went to lie down in the parking lot. Class act all the way.
hah, I had lunch in Davenport on my way to LA via bicycle… all the (moto)bikers were BLOWN AWAY.
Ok, not really.
Your life is so much more interesting than mine.
Wait, old Asian people don’t drink a lot at weddings? At all the Chinese, Vietnamese and other Asian weddings I’ve gone to, there’s at least a few old Asian men (and women) getting sloshed because they leave a frickin’ bottle of Hennessy or cognac with the requisite bottle of 7-Up or Sparkling Irish Cider.
Then again, if I had to go through the long-ass traditional wedding ceremonies of the Chinese and Vietnamese, I’d probably be pretty lit by the time they actually had the wedding reception myself.
This sounds great!
I can trump it though!
There’s nothing quite like a Silent Quaker Vegan Lesbian wedding which was immediately preceded by a Bilingual Chinese Funeral.
Wait.
On second thought.
This was much better.
My uncle was so irritated at the liquor selection at my sister’s wedding that he went into the venue’s pantry and liberated a bottle of sake, which he brought to the table and promptly drank.
The one Chinese wedding I went to, there was lots of cognac, which I’d never had, but I quickly decided that I really like cognac… But yes, pork… perhaps it’s primarily the food of the Latino/Filipino Catholics, not all Catholics. Haven’t ever been to a white person’s Catholic wedding.
Off topic here, but holy dedication bat man. I used to read this blog in 2005 and you are still going. Impressive.
That is hilarious. I just converted to Catholicism and have yet to go to a Catholic wedding. I’m hoping the first one I attend is the neck-tattoo variety like you saw.
Though I haven’t noticed the pork eating, I have to say I’m impressed with the drinking prowess of Catholics of all cultures. I thought that we atheists knew how to kick a few back, but the Catholics put me to shame.
Thanks for another hilarious post!