little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

the only asian insurance guy in tennessee (hiatus)

It’s gotten pretty obvious that I’ve been avoiding in this blog lately. White Elephant: 1, Ernie: 0.

To be honest, I’m at a point of my life where I’ve cornered myself into a life rut. A couple of weeks ago, my father sat me down at a Fresh Choice, and matter-of-factly gave me a bullet points of things I should - no, must - do when my parents pass away, all of which involve living wills and taking care of Angela and being her legal, protective guardian, even though I’m ten years younger than her.

I agree to it. Why? Because I have to, that’s why.

There’s more to this story, but I’m no longer comfortable in talking about it due to certain people who read this blog. Hence the blog avoiding, I guess.

This is the year most of my friends from college and I turn 30. Already, I’ve been through at least four 30th birthday parties, with a couple more to go. I’ll attend at least two wedding ceremonies this year, and one of my good friends is expecting their first child. And while I love my friends to death, they all have their lives to lead and families to raise and they’re settling down. God knows I’m settling down too, but I’m, uhm, settling down in a way I didn’t want to settle down.

Does that make any sense at all? Didn’t think so.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to write something - anything at all - on LYD, and I’ve come up with nothing. Nothing humorous, because honestly, nothing that zany or interesting has really happened. I go to work, I come home, I deal with my parents, they unload their problems with me and I chain-smoke on the car ride home. Lather, rinse, repeat, and sometimes I hang with friends at night or on the weekends, to keep me from waking up, packing all my belongs and driving to, say, Nashville where I would begin a new life as, I don’t know, an insurance broker. The only Asian insurance guy in Tennessee. Not to say I haven’t been tempted lately.

And I guess this is a reason why now would be a good time to put a hiatus on this blog, at least in terms of the journal-like format I currently have at this moment. Don’t delete your RSS feeds yet, because I DO have some plans that may or may not come to fruition over the next couple of months, and you never know what could happen. But something has gotta give, or change.

I just don’t know what it’ll be yet.

*manly hug*

I know it seems hopeless, but life can change in an instant. Any Hollywood film can tell you that. and it does happen occasionally.

Easier said than done - but just get out there, keep seeing people, hanging out, and life gets easier. As for the parents - it’s a family duty. And most people will hit that headbump at some stage.

Oh, and as for the journal. LiveJournal. Honestly. Selectively-invisible posting depending on who’s reading. It’s what Yahoo 360 ought to have.
Good luck.

i still visit evry day. keep up the antics of the mini-blog and we’ll keep coming back.

i’d buy insurance from the only Asian guy in Tennessee. those asian… they know their math. =P

Dude, I feel your pain. At forty, I thought I was at my peak. In a mere two years I lost my boyfriend, my apartment, one of my cats and my job. For another two years I crawled around on the bottom, gatting by but hating life. Only since the beginning of the year have things turned up again. It will happen to you to, and the best thing you can do is keep working to make it happen and to be ready for it when it does.

I really like your blog, and your writings make me feel like you would be someone fun to hang out with. So I will keep looking for your updates. Meanwhile, take good care of yourself.

“The only Asian insurance guy in Tennessee.” sounds like a Bobby Lee skit on Mad TV.

Good luck.. I hope everything turns out well for you.

You cant do this…Im so feeling Kathy Bates in Misery right now! But if you have to, ..alright I understand. Thank you for the laughs and uh..you’re not the only one on a “life rut” you know. You made a lot of us happy even for a short while and that’s something : )

As a 26-year old who is de facto guardian of her developmentally disabled brother (and in fact lives with him and his primary caregiver) because my parents are mentally ill and sick with cancer - it’s difficult, and frustrating, and makes you angry, and makes you sad, but it’s what we have to do, and in the end, we’re the better person for it.

Oh man, I hear you on that rut thing. I think the trick is not to have zany, interesting things happen to you, but to find a zany and interesting perspective on life, however standard it may seem.

Even if you’re you’re “Ernie in a rut” instead of “Ernie in wacky hijinx”, you’re still Ernie. Don’t define yourself by your situation, tough as it may be.

…and I still think you need to write a novel.

You can always surround yourself with zany and interesting people! Speaking of which…when we hanging out? Want to run Bay to Breakers with me next month?

Time for a new webgame? XD

I feel ya’ on that rut thing. If you want to throw a small house party to help get some kinks out lemme know. I just moved into a new swank pad (out of Casa Magellan) and would love to see the usual suspects from the old days…

You don’t know me at all, of course, but I’ve been reading your blog for years with great enjoyment. Don’t cave to the pressure to be “funny,” just be yourself, because you’re awesome. I’m sorry to hear things are tough right now (and I’m right there with you…stupid unending NorCal rain doesn’t help…), but hang in there, and good luck.

You have my sympathies. I’m almost 28 and I’ve been stuck being a caretaker for my sick dad since I was 19. It sure seems like nobody else our age (you, me, and Esther up there are apparently it) is stuck having to act as a parental figure to a non-child, and it’s a bitch. (And I’m an only child, so yeah, there is nobody else other than me and Mom to deal with it.)

Anyway, at least two other people reading your site kinda know what you’re talking about when you say you’re settling down in a way you don’t want to.

Ern, anything can happen. I came back to blogging after vanishing off the face of the earth for two years. Sadly, the things we discover about ourselves as we age can make life work out not quite so much as we had planned to. Drop by my site, grab my AIM - I can give you a few stories that’ll make you feel better about stuff, at least.

I *heart* Ernie.

Have you ever thought of moving? Or at least going on a road trip?

Ernie Does America.com

I’d read it.

True very true..this world is unprdictable place altogether u dont know wat is in store for you the next moment. Hiccups in life are inevitable so all you have to do is take things as they come and dont regret your actions.

True very true..this world is unpredictable place altogether u dont know wat is in store for you the next moment. Hiccups in life are inevitable so all you have to do is take things as they come and dont regret your actions.

I can understand your feeling..but this world is full of surprises..so just gone on and experience this roller coster ride.

Note: You know you’ve made an impact in the blogging world when the spammers write nice comments about you. (And then post their links to hair loss removal sites.)

I know you’re frustated and all, but…

….There are Asian insurance people in Tennessee, I imagine there are at least three in Nashville given the Laotian population there. While a mildly humorous blog joke, they actually exist.

…Turning 30 is such a non-event. I’m closer to 35 than 30 and I just finally settled down, bought a house and found a mate. I look at younger friends and co-workers stressing over this crap and laugh.

“Ernie in a Rut” would be a great name for a band.

“Ernie does America”
“Debbie does Dallas”
“Jobs does Apple”

…kinky bastards

Can I just say, as someone that is on the slippery slope of the 40’s going headlong into the dreaded milestone which shall not be named. 30’s - you are still a baby. What seems insurmountable now will seem like a cake walk when you hit your 40’s. And in all likelihood you aren’t going to have to face the elephant until you are in your 40’s or 50’s or even later.

You’ll deal with what life hands you and it won’t be anywhere near as burdensome as it seems now.

I’m not trying to trivialize what you’ll eventually have to face - just telling you not to borrow trouble now. You will have the strength and the means to deal with it. Trust me.

You should have come to my 40th birthday party a couple of weeks ago. You’d have felt very young!

I’ll make you a deal. Come visit us in New York, and we can do the party over again!

Ernie, while we’re certainly not in the same shoes as you, my own family is going through the same rut. Our answer? Moving. Yep, this summer we’re putting our house on the market and leaving NoNJ for the greener hills of South Carolina. We’ll have no jobs, no home, and no family but we’re convinced it’s what we need to do and that it’ll work out in the end.

Take some time to relax during your blogging hiatus - we’ll be here when you get back!

Hang in there !!

Take some time off… it’s just a blog. We’ll miss ya, though. Come to New Orleans for a while!!

Aww, Ernie. I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Nothing ever stays the same, something will happen. Something will give. You are going to be okay.

i absolutely love your blog and it will be sorely missed. but i wish you all the best and will patiently await your return.

What can I say? I’ll miss you mate. Love your blog. Hope everything works out for you.

Hugs and Kisses,

Don ‘Kiwi’ Juan in New Zealand

I will not tease fatty

not going to pretend to say anything particularly smart or witty or comforting…just wanted to say ernie, ive been visiting your blog a couple of times a week for the past few years from sydney, taipei and hk. no matter where i was, you always brought a smile to my face. ill still be coming back hoping you’ll grace us with more of your antics. But until then, ill miss ya babe.

sometimes, i really wish for the good old days of travelling, coding and hanging out. it was fun, but “growing up” is inevitable. hang in there man, and if you want to move to canada (at least vancouver) you can always bunk in the spare bedroom.

even if you just need a vacation, the erm… spa is calling our names.

I’ve been up and down im life a bit too many times. As they say, you can’t stop sinking until you touch bottom, to get an impulse up again.

Just don’t withdraw from your RealLifeFriends too much, as I do every time I get into big shit and then I become some sort of Diogenes syntom.

Just remember that “giving in” isn’t really “giving up.” As life changes, it’s important for us to change as well. It’s time to just Be. Go forth joyfully and take in all life has to offer.

You’ve done amazing things so far.. and the ride ain’t over yet.

Ernie, you don’t know me, but I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. You are one of THE funniest, most talented people out there, and at the end of the day, no matter what sort of rut you may find yourself in, you are still in full possession of your prodigious gifts as a writer, and when the timing is right, you’ll be able to take the world by storm in anything you choose to do.

Hang in there, and don’t give up. This too shall pass.

Hey there. I’ve never posted a comment to your blog before, I found it through Margaret Cho’s blog. I’m a complete stranger who probably will have no influence on what course you actually take, but thought I’d interject simply because i can and because I’m kind of a busybody.
I second the request that you write a novel. You prose is very humorous but very clear, and its plain that you have plenty of material to work with. Furthermore, it seems as far as journaling goes, you’re kind of stuck, and what always helps me in writing when i feel stuck, is to try another kind of writing. Maybe writing some fiction will loosen you up and change your perspective on your day-to-day. anyways, i hope you can shake your funk because i really enjoy reading your stuff.