(The background: Lunch conversation with two co-workers. We’re all Asian, in our mid-twenties.)
Girl co-worker: Have your parents ever told you that they weren’t really your kids?
Guy co-worker: Yep. “Oh, you? We found you in a gutter! No wait, a trash can! Ha ha!”
Ernie: Same here. When I was young, I was convinced that I was adopted. I was convinced my real parents were Eskimos or living off of the plains of Kenya. The only Asians in Kenya.
Girl: Me too! I wonder if white parents tell their kids that.
Guy: Nah.
Girl: Why not?
Ernie: Because white people love their children.
Wow, that’s really sad… I would have thought there were plenty of Asians in Kenya. You know, there’s that whole Commonwealth thing.
Because white people love their children. Bwhahahahahahahahahahahah
So good, it must be posted three times
Our parents don’t say it–but our siblings do.
Another one of your zingers, Ernie!
Actually, I am a white guy, and my parents use to tell me they found me in a dumpster outside the hospital, and once my father actually pointed at a couple on the street, and said, “See those people over there,? They are your real parents”.
Man no wonder I am so screwed up
there’s a famous bridge in Korea where all the children are dispersed beneath and parents pick and choose from the lot.
Or so it seems.
I’ve never had that problem– then again, MY parents constantly remind me every second and every moment of any given day that I’m THEIR kid– and boy, do I OWE them.
Actually, my mother told me on my 16th birthday that I was the result of a faulty condom and I wasn’t planned at all…I’ve been traumatized ever since.
so oh well I guess, it runs in this generation
I’m white, and though my parents only occasionally joked about ‘finding me under a rock’, I got this all the time :
‘If you’re not good, I’ll sell ya to the gypsies!!’
Since I grew up in Michigan’s UP, it didn’t bother me much. Not many gypsy caravans goin’ through there.
actually my sister and i kept telling my mom we found HER in a gutter…
Brendyn you must buy this shirt –
http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/tshirt.php?sku=a99&style=a&color=2%3A+CHOOSE+COLOR&size=3%3A+CHOOSE+A+SIZE
I’m with Jenni here, I’m white and my mom used to tell me I was found under a rock also. My brother had me convinced, to the point of tears, that I was adopted at one point. And while we were on vacation in Mexico, when I was 9, went around saying, “Meeeester, meeeester, would you like to buy my seeeester?”. My mom finally made him quit after telling him that someone would probably take him up on the offer. That just scared the pants off me. Heh.
I’m white and my father always used to insist that the milkman (yes we had them in those days) was my real father…I guess that’s better than my friend who had her mother explain that her birth was the fault of not-a-failed-condom but rather failed-saran-wrap (seems her parents couldn’t be bothered to find a condom so they used what they thought was the next best thing).
My mom told me I was the result of a broken condom once. All I have to say is that I’m really grateful someone in the QA department at Trojan was being lazy.
Too damn funny!
– Lisa
Lisa’s new blog: http://dartblogs.com/lisachau/
omg, every birthday, Mom would say: “Yeah, X many years ago, we found you in the garbage… ha ha ha!” For a while I believed it, especially when I never got a bday party even though all my white friends did.
My father always told me that he found me on the doorstep one day and decided to take me in. Hm …
I’m white as well and my parents insisted for years (still do and I’m 23 now) that I was found crawling up the beach with the newly hatched turtles. It really sucks anytime an educational show comes on TV and there are baby turtles scrambling towards the water.
I’m white and FREQUENTLY tell my son that I will just GIVE him to the gypsies…I’m not counting on getting any money for him!
my siblings all admit that I am my parent’s child. it’s the conception stories that are traumatic: needed a new dishwasher, mom didn’t want dad to divorce her, everytime she got drunk she got a kid, she thought she was menapausal and didn’t need a condom anymore… the list goes on. *sniffle*
I’m white.. not only for the first 12 years of my lfie did my “father” tell me that he *bought* me from gypsies while deployed somewhere across the ocean (damn aiforce asshole), but it was on my 13th birthday that I found out I was the result of my mother having an affair while her and the “father” were separated (I feel that I would have been less traumatized if she had told me this loong beforehand)
White here… does being told you were left by aliens count? They were joking, but I was too young to get the sarcasm yet.
I was told by my Indian parents that I was purchased on sale from Sears for $0.75. My sister was slightly more upscale; she came from JC Penney.
In countries not the United States, Indians count as “Asian.” Going by that definition, there are assloads of Asians in Kenya. The British liberally sprinkled my people throughout East and South Africa.
According to Belle I’m pink, not white, but either way my parents have me convinced I’m from the milkman. They tell me he had red hair. I have reddish (orangish) hair. My parents don’t have reddish hair. *sigh*
Have your parents ever told you that they weren’t really your kids?
I don’t need my parents to tell me that they’re not my kids!
I’m an Asian with BIG frizzy hair, who is somewhat tan and pretty tall (for an Asian girl) — my mom always told me that my biological father is not my dad (who I’m taller than), but rather Reggie Williams. Dude, I’m still waiting for some that backpay on the child support.
I was convinced for a long time that my sister was adopted and that her real mother was a cow.
My mom told me that I fell out of a cereal box. (Pretty crappy prize.)
When my little brother was 7 or 8, I had him convinced for about 30 seconds that he was abandoned by aliens. My mom told him that I was lying. Aw.
Isn’t anybody here adopted? There’s an advantage: when your parents tell you they got you from someplace else, you know it’s the truth. I’ve always known my parents weren’t my birth parents (my folks are plenty real – read “emotional baggage” – to me).
I’m Mexican and my folks would always vie us siblings against each other. This one was adopted while this one was their real kid and so on… bastards.
Which white people? Certainly not my mother…:P
that’s hysterical, because whilst being asian, my parents never told me and my brother that we were adopted. always claimed that we were theirs, or else, why would me and my brother look so much alike?
thing is — without any photographic evidence (apparently, my mother didn’t like camera’s in her face when she was “pregnant”) i created an adoption situation, where my parents went to a farm in china, took the two fattest children they could find (you know, for good luck, because fat kids are healthy kids, and healthy = lucky) and brought us back to the states with them.
apparently, i so desperately wish that i was adopted that i’d actually create a whole scenario where i was.
but it’s like they say in “mommie dearest” -”adopted children are best, because they were chosen.”
hmmm…
Damn straight we adopted kids are the best.
Yup that is right white peoples parents have to straighten out the lies about being adpoted the sibblings tell…. My father conviced his sister that his parents got her from the indianas. My aunt went crying to my grandmother at 18 to ask her about it, my grandmother thought my aunt was pregant. Needless to say my grandmother has not forgot that neither my has my Aunt and being that she is my God-mother I am paying for the sins of my father…. I wish I was adopted.
in my family, my parents always insist that my older brother was found in a rocket ship outside of smallville and my little brother was the only albino monkey at the international wildlife park. and then there’s the ‘k-mart blue light special’ story. that has applied to all of us at one point or another.
My parents always told us they got us at the stupidmarket.
My parents adopted me out of the discard bin at the hospital. I was a defective baby. Stupid doctor kept telling ‘em I’d turn out retarded.
I wanna go kick his ass.
My mom used to tell me she got me from Rent-a-Kid and if I did’nt behave she would send me back in exchange for a better model. I got really nervous when my little sister showed up. I behaved until I was thirteen.
My mom used to tell me she got me from Rent-a-Kid and if I did’nt behave she would send me back in exchange for a better model. I got really nervous when my little sister showed up. I behaved until I was thirteen.
My mother used to tease us she would “leave us out for the the garbage man to take us”. My younger brother, who was really small, got “garbage man” confused with “government” — and so he would tell the neighbors that mom was going to leave us out for the goverment to pick us up.
One day the neighbors came over to talk to my mom, because they were concerned that child welfare was trying to take us away.
funny.. i don’t ever remember my parents
commenting on any such things towards me & my 3 siblings..
but i do remember my dad making us smell his feet for money.. not even loose change!
it’d be like 1 coin– like 10 centavos or 5 kobo..
and i remember mom making me help her tweeze out her armpit hairs, and look for white heairs on her head..
many many years later, we’d go on to tell our parents to hang out(side) 2wice a week
cuz it was garbage/trash night.
hollah!
My Korean parents told us that we were so homely, the trolls under the bridge were giving us away for free.
I’m Filipino. When I was young, my parents used to tell me that they picked me up from carabao poop. Go figure.
My dad used to tell me the mailman was my father when I was like 4 or 5.
He stopped it after my kindergarten teacher called him after I told the class “My daddy says the mailman is my real daddy. But our mailman is a woman.”
My sister was adopted when she was 9 years old, so it’s not like she could be confused about it. However, she and I are very close in age (about three months) which provides us with some pretty interesting oppertunities. She’s very Mongolian-looking – tan skin, almond-shaped black eyes, black hair, typical Asian beauty. Me, I’m German stock, whiter than death, brown hair, brown eyes, thin as a rail. So of course we tell everyone that we’re twins. This works best if our mom is around, since she’s blond-haired and blue-eyed.
there actually *are* asians in kenya… (mini shout out to my motherland… WHOO!) yeah, the japanese government and the kenyan government came together and built a hydroelectric dam… pretty cool stuff…