Ugh. More adventures of Ernie’s overbearing Asian parents: I have flex-time at my workplace, but every morning, 9:30am on the DOT, my mom gives me a wake-up call. I’ve never asked for a wake-up call, mind you, it’s just one of those things that my mother does, just to.. you know.. be my mother.
Mom: ERRRRR-NEEEEEE! <chinese>WAKE UP!!</chinese>
Me: (Huh? Whatdafuck? Where the fuck am I?) Oh. Hi Mom. *grumble*
Mom: <chinese>I woke up two hours ago and I’ve already went for a brisk 2 mile walk. Ernie, have you been exercising? Ernie, are you even AWAKE?</chinese>
Me: (eyes still closed) mm-hmm.
Mom: <chinese>I’m serious about you excercising, Ernie. I want you to do a hundred jumping jacks everyday! One, Two! One, Two!</chinese>
Me: (eyes still closed) mm-hmm.
Mom: <chinese>And I found you a nice Asian girl to marry so you won’t be gay.</chinese>
Me: BZZZT. *double-take* WHAT? W-W-What did you say?
Mom: <chinese>I said, I’m coming down to San Jose Saturday night so we can leave for Las Vegas Sunday morning.</chinese>
Me, completely baffled: Oh-kaaaaaay.
Which reminds me. I’ll be going to Las Vegas with my mom from Sunday to Tuesday, as kind of a double header I’m – sorry – I – missed – Mothers Day / Birthday extravaganza. Chances are most likely that my mom is going to park herself in front of a slot machine for 48 hours, so if anyone is down there and wants to hang out, hey, I’m down. By the way, if you haven’t figured it out, my mother would never make any comments about me marrying Asian girls.
That’s my dads job.