Okay, so I’m a drama queen.
But I have been sitting here on my bed, water and penicillin by my alarm clock for two hours. All the while trying to think of a clever way of writing about how I went to the emergency room for the first time in my life yesterday morning at 10am.
So I’ll just start writing, and make this a two part post if need be.
So allergy season is here, right? And I get the stuff nose, the watery eyes, the sore throat. No worries, I think to myself, I’ll just buy some Claritin. And it works, to a point — the nose gets less stuffy, and while I can still feel the allergens (or what I like to call, “flying particles of death”) around my contact lenses, it’s not enough to make me want to gouge my eyes out with an ice cream scooper, like years past.
My throat, however, is still store. Whatever, I think to myself. Ain’t no such thing as a wonder drug.
On Friday night, I start getting a fever. No problem, I say to myself. I just take Tylenol every four-to-six hours and sweat the fever out.
I do this all day on Saturday. Nothing else. Get bone-chilling cold. Take Tylenol. Sweat the fever out. Wait four-to-six hours. Cold. Tylenol. Wait. Repeat.
Until Sunday, 3:30am. I reach over to my bottle and realize in horror: I am out of Tylenol. What do I do now? I know! I have an electric blanket! I’ll crank the blanket to high, I won’t get cold, I’ll sweat the fever out! Why didn’t I think of that in the first place? I crank the blanket to the highest setting, place a comforter OVER THE FUCKING BLANKET, JUST IN CASE I’M NOT WARM ENOUGH, and I snuggle up in bed, ready to drift off to bed.
I would blog what I dreamt about, but that would require a degree in Psychology and a separate blog entry. Let’s just say this — the electric blanket didn’t get me to break out in a sweat like I thought. Instead, my body temperature rocketed up to 104 degrees and with no way for any body heat to escape “caused my brain to fry,” as the triage nurse would delightfully tell me some seven hours later.
It’s 5am on a Sunday morning. I wake up. Hey, I feel fine! I go to the kitchen to get a glass of water and stumble into a chair. Hmm, that’s funny. I can’t walk straight.
I can’t feel my arms, either. Or my hands. Or my face. Oh wait, why is it taking me such difficulty to, you know, breathe?
Oh, shit.
So by now, I rip up my roommate out of his peaceful sleep (I was told to emphasize this by said roommate) and he drives me to the Emergency Room.
Nurse: You tried to sweat out a fever with an electric blanket?
Ernie: I was out of pills.
Nurse: You know that can fry your brain, right?
Ernie: … I know now.
Nurse: That explains why your body is numb and you couldn’t walk straight. You could have died. *long, dramatic pause*
Ernie: You know, I was really tempted to wear a face mask in the waiting room and just start coughing.
Nurse: I could also tell the security guard that you’re a bioterrorist, motherfucker.
Okay, the nurse didn’t say that last part. She DID, however, hand me a urine cup and told me to pee in it, to deduce whether I was a meth addict or just fucking weird.
To make what was to be a long story very short, the doctor told me that I had tonsilitis from a bacterial infection, and that I just did something very, very wrong for the fever that came with it. Some tests were taken and sent to various labs, I was given some penicillin and was on my way, after getting my right ear canal irrigated by a hot guy named Demetrio.
So, I’m not dead. My bad. I’ll try harder next time.
…it friend your brain? O_o yikes.
I want to hear the rest, since you’re obviously still alive. And don’t worry, that’s not too queenish, I’ve seen (and been with) worse
Hope you feel better after your trauma, have a great tuesday!
Oh my! At least if you’re blogging about it then you’re okay. Sending good karma your way.
No dying, regardless of the type of death. We’ll have none of that, young man! You get better right away!
Yes, what would we do with all our free time if Ernie died … ? I shudder at the thought!
ernie, get better soon!!!!
people need their fix of lyd.
Whoa Drama Queen Ernie. (…of course I didn’t have to endure what you went through, so I have the luxury of saying that.)
I’m waiting for my next installment of LYD.
Was it SARS?
I can still hear my mom: “Get up, you’ll feel better.” (Or, if I am already up and about) “Go to bed, you’ll feel better”)
So like, did you type this post with one of those sticks strapped to your head?
Oh my goodness! You shouldn’t be up and blogging! Feel better soon!
I usually just lurk, but I had to post to say I hope you feel better soon.
I am going to resist the urge to make a joke about yet another Chinese guy with SARS. My dad got the flu really bad and everyone was freaked out and thought he had SARS.
Ernie, It is obvious you are feeling better, since you are blogging, and going to work. But ya know, it was a long weekend, what kind of fag were you hiding in your bead frying your brain with fever, instead of the usual alphabet of drugs. Now that you are married, am I gonna have to come pull your pink card?
wow. couldn’t feel your appendages. couldn’t breathe. couldn’t walk straight. end up in the ER. brain is frying.
sounds like a big night out at the party.
someone should sell blankets to ravers. cheap way to get high.
Work?! What are you doing working? You almost died. Jeez, at least take a couple of days off.
Glad you’re not dead. Hope you get better, and that there’s no permanent drain bamage. So… what did you dream about?
I saw Ernie outside the building puffing on cigarette and looking fierce so all is not lost.
I was just making sure you didn’t have SARS, but it looks as though Jake did that already for me.
What the hell are you doing at work?!!! Why are they letting you into the building? Go home! But on a side note, the brain damage could make for some interesting posts.
What a way to go…
I can see the headlines now
Semi-Famous blogger found dead, Killed by Electric Blanket, Fever.
That would’ve been terribly classic.
What was even crazier was afterwords when Belinda said “if you die can I have your website?” Oh Belle…
I’m just glad your better. I would have killed you if you died!
Mike
It’s idiots like you, my dear, that bring down out healthcare programs. But we still love you. Glas you’re still alive.
Get well soon, Ernie. I would hate for anyone else to have to make a LYD entry, announcing your demise… they wouldn’t get it right & make it funny.
(“,) – johnnydee
Your mom could have posted your obituary for you.
“AHNEE DIE TODAY, HE NO GIVE US GRANDCHILDREN”
j/k. Glad your ok though bud. My great great aunt died from an electric blanket. I got too hot for her and she had a stroke.
OMG :O I just realized my typo. IT, AS IN THE BLANKET, GOT TOO HOT FOR HER. Not me. For the love of god….
….does anyone have sympathy for the roommate?! Sheesh!
Ernie, I’m glad you’re alright and all, but poor roommate. : )
Glad your ok kiddo..or at least, better after the near-death experience ‘n all…
ok, excuse me…but i believe ernie left out the rest of the story:
vicki calls ernie around 11am the same morning.
vic: hey ernie
ernie: i’ll call you right back…*mumble, mumble*…e.r.
*click*
belle: so, what did ernie say?
vic: ernie said he’d call us back when he was done watching e.r.
belle (internal monologue, while still trying to sleep):
ernie doesn’t watch e.r…
it’s 11am, WHY is ernie watching e.r?
ernie DOES NOT watch e.r.
is ernie IN the e.r.?
omg, ernie IS IN the e.r.!!!
omg, ernie is going to DIE!!!
omg, ernie is going to DIE from SARS!!!
oh well, i’m going back to sleep now.
The first sentence says it all : “Okay, so I’m a drama queen.”
Feel better and throw the electric blanket away!
I was going to ask “what did Mum say”but Johnny Dee seems to know already. When’s the tonsilectomy?
good god man, do not ever wrap yourself up in blankets if you have a fever. listen to a guy who has 2 kids: if you ever have a fever, the worst thing you can do is warm your ass up even more. you want the fever to go down, not fester. the best thing is to take a lukewarm shower. you can go from 102+ to the mid-nineties with one shower alone. not to mention you will feel an assload better. have a cold compress next to your bed (wash towel in a bucket of cold water). use a cold compress whenever you feel the fever arise. drink lots of cold water or juice… no soda. if you get over 103, call the damn doctor.
Aww, I didn’t know you were sick while I’m all trying to ask for PHP help! You’re such a trooper. Hope you’re feeling better now.
Ernie, get better soon.. take time off of work, and the blog.. and rest.. we’ll still be here when you’re feeling better…
On a side note: a major thank you to Ernie’s roommate for giving up his sleep to save the poor guy!
On another side note: It semi-amuses me to know that I’m not the only person over 16 in this country to still have their tonsils
Oh, Ernie. If you did fry your brain, we’d still love you.
Hell, most of us probably wouldn’t be able to tell.
you’ll try harder next time? don’t say that! man, what a scary thing to happen, though.
Ugh, that’s awful, Ernie. Sorry to hear that. Drink lots of fluids and get lots of sleep. Take your temperature often, too.
I think I may have had the same thing a couple months ago (but didn’t do the electric blanket part). Was out of work for a week, didn’t eat anything for 5 days…
Went to the doctor, she sent me to an ENT, and I just got my tonsils out a week ago today. Hurts like a bitch, but if they keep getting infected, it’s an option. (My doctor told me I could either get them removed, or be on anti-biotics for 6 months. Go figure.)
Yeah hospitals! Prescriptions drugs rAwK!
Update: The penecillin is working like a charm. I can’t even feel the sore throat anymore. But I have gotten tonsil infections twice in 6 months… one more by the end of the year and I’ll seriously consider it.
Don’t you dare die, Ern. I had to go to a funeral over the weekend and it was the worst, saddest affair I’ve been to in a long time.
Man. What’s the use of having a friend who can cook if you don’t take advantage of it?! You know I can. If you want some homemade ox tail soup lemme know. I have another friend craving some and I’ll make enough for the both of you.
Good to know you’re getting better. Take care!
and my reply to MJ when she called to tell me all this
“that is *so* ernie”
but I say it in love babeee
please be better by this weekend k?
Good god, Ernie. It’s a good thing you have a roommate. I don’t know what I would do, probably wander out into the hallway and try to make it downstairs to the doorman.
Dude, you friggin’ did it wrong! You’re not supposed to fall asleep! You’re supposed to sweat A LOT, but you’re also supposed to get up every 30 minutes, relieve yourself, and chug two glasses of Sunny D mixed with water and salt! Jeez!
Please don’t fry that wonderfully weird brain of yours!
i second ’soccer mom’; throw your electric blanket away. lol
ghe’tto, ernie!
haha!
so glad you didn’t
die tho, that would have
been tragic!
feel better soon!
I laughed so hard at that “I could also tell the security guard that you’re a bioterrorist, motherfucker.” I was really laughing. That’s what weblogs are for, this is one of the best.