little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

things i have learned about attending a ghetto-fabulous urban, gay, over-18 halloween party

1. Whenever hip-hop is played, a crowd full of lesbians will run up to the DJ booth. Especially if it’s Lil Jon and The Eastside Boyz.

2. Ditto with Christina Aguilera’s “Dirty” and gay boys. Gay boys will actually go one step further and do an on-the-spot synchronized dance routine, not unlike that high school prom scene from “She’s All That.”

3. Speaking of which, at a gay party, a boy WILL ALWAYS DRESS UP AS CHRISTINA AGUILERA. NO, SERIOUSLY. ALWAYS.

4. Some catty little thing will always walk up to “Christina” and call her a tramp. Like, what do you expect her to say? “OH MY GOD! You’re RIGHT! Good thing my Mother Teresa costume is in my trunk, let me change!” Even worse, “Christina” will get offended (!!) and they’ll promptly get into a hair-pulling match.

5. Which leads me to my next point: if a gay man and a straight girl get in a physical fight, the guy will still pull hair instead of swing at her. (You know the boy has been in his share of cat-fights when he says “hit me first bitch, so when the cops come it ain’t my fault when I beat the shit outta you.”)

6. If said gay guy throws a drink at the girl, it will ALWAYS miss the girl and hit her boyfriend. There is never an exception of this. Especially if the drink is bright red.

That is all.

your cynicism and bright-eyed sense of realism would make you a worthy law student. I salute you, O Ernie!

Except for the dance routine, sounds like redneck night at the local bar.

I stay home a whole lot.

Your world remains mysterious and confusing to me. However, I can agree with #6!

Ern, didn’t you have something a while back about dressing up as one of the anthrax letters? I did a quick dig through the archives and could not find it, but I could swear it was you.

Anyways, I did it this year. White shirt, white pants, addressed properly, a big stamp, a bunch of tape, and cotton balls as spores. Only two people got it without any leading questions or explanations. Nobody voiced opinions of disgust. Disappointment.

Sounds like *YOU* had fun Friday night!

Come on Ernie. Fess up. YOU were the one dressed as Christina Aguilera. I bet you looked fabulous.

Forgot one: During the cat fight, roars by both men and women cheering, ” you go girl ” erupt…although, it’s never clear who’s cheering for who. Except for the lesbiens grunting, ” kick his prissy little ass! ” They’re kinda hard to miss. And let’s not forget the boyfriend (quiestioning his sexuallity)who’s only there to “keep an eye on her”, left dazed and confused.

Why does Ernie get invited to all the fabulous parties? It’s always Ernie. Ernie, Ernie, Ernie!!!

But, let’s not forget, dear Ernie, that there are actually two Rs in DIRRTY.

So much more fun than the lame Halloween party I went to!

I hope the Christina costume came complete with platinum-blonde hair extensions, and I hope you bared your midriff like all property slutty sex kittens do.

Gee golly I hope there’s pictures. =)

Yeah - I’ve noticed about parties with music and/or dances in the last little while too. First of all, nobody realizes how stupid it looks when they dance alone - secondly, and somewhat ironically, they won’t hesitate to point out how stupid you look if you’re not dancing the same way as they are. Uh-huh. Personally, I’ve decided to boycott dances for a while.

where i’m from, most of those things happen at non-gay parties anyway.

Hmmm…maybe I need to get out more or then again, maybe not. Hi Ernie!!!

I hope that you won the fight. Even though you are a tramp, we all know that Mother Teresa was no better.

Did the boyfriend kiss your bare midriff? Or was the policeman that came to pick you up catties a real policeman, or just another ToF?

So many questions!

goddamit. you gays have all the fun.

Mwaha. You’re witty. I like you.

OK, this was a good post.

Ernie, I think you’ve finally turned a corner.

Also, I don’t live in Orlando anymore.

OMG, Ernie! I love gay boys doing random dance routines!

Dressed like Christina Aguilera? You mean you could see their red underwear that left nothing to guess about what was beneath?

jeez… maybe I’ll be xtina next year! woot!