little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

what happens when you work successive 10-14 hour work days in close quarters for an extended period of time

Conversations such as these gems.

ONE WEEK AGO

Manager: Oh yeah, my wife and I keep everything. Babys first tooth… the babys umbilical cord… the placenta…
Ernie: (horrified look on Ernie’s face)
Manager: What?
Ernie: You KEEP those things? Are you SERIOUS? What are you going to do, stick it with a wire hanger and make a mobile out of it?
Manager: No, I bury it under a tree.
Ernie: …

(Let me interject here by saying that we’re at dinner, in the cafeteria. Everyone is nodding and smiling, like planting placentas is something all Americans seem to do, like it was buried in a chapter that my parents had to read while studying to become American citizens. Did I mention I was eating an sandwich with marinara sauce in it?)

Manager: What? I mean, the whole idea that it’s a whole “circle of life.” The placenta has a lot of iron in it, you bury it, it feeds the tree. What? It’s a hippie thing. (pause) Although it’s funny - I had put the placenta in a box, and there’s a lot of blood in a placenta, right? So I’m digging a hole under the tree and there’s blood on my hands and arms, and that’s when my neighbor spotted me across the fence. “Whatcha doin there, neighbor?”
Engineer: (in creepy psycho voice) “I DON’T LIKE THE TASTE OF LIVER!!”

EARLIER TONIGHT

We had another pop star perform at the campus today. She kinda looked like Cyndi Lauper and then started to sing acoustic folk music. (Slightly exaggerated for humors sake - and not as sexually harassing as it sounds, considering we work in super-close conditions for long hours. Like coal miners, except without the lung.)

Engineer: Did anyone else see her perform? She had, uhm, “aggressive nipples.”
Male Web developers: Hmm.
Female Web developer: (sarcastically) Nice.
Engineer: Not that those are bad things - I can appreciate an aggressive nipple. It’s like a boob within a boob. You know, like a fractal.
Everyone else: …
Manager: That was the geekiest, horniest thing I’ve ever heard.

You make working at Yahoo sound like such a gas, man…

Oy, co-workers with kids… Don’t even get me started. All talk about any pregnancy related things should be banned from the workplace. I’m a female, but I’m stuck in a company with all these mid-30s women answering the call of their biological clocks, and apparently something goes wrong in the head of a pregnant woman that makes them think that their co-workers want to hear nasty details over lunch. Apparently the dads aren’t exempt from this either.

At least someone was just telling you about that placenta thing. I made the mistake of seeing on tv this exact thing you are talking about, burying it in the yard. These people actually had the thing in a Tupperware container IN THEIR FRIDGE until they buried it. I wanted to turn the channel, but I was struck numb but what I was viewing.

That’s some scary sh*t!

Where do you work again?

Do you folks need a secretary with a Math degree?

I have aggressive nipples…

Hey, Ernie! We’re anxiously hoping for a post on Sheriff Lupe Valdez -Go, Lupe! Go!

saw on the television many years back a show where an english woman kept her placenta and turned it into pate, then invited friends and family over to share it. yes, they knew what it was, and yes they all ate it. ew!

For those of you who haven’t been grossed out enough, try this: http://www.geocities.com/virtualbirth/placenta.html

I think I’m just going to adopt.

ac: OMG, I remember that exact show too! I’ve heard of a person who sent her baby’s placenta floating down a river.

Cats eat their kittens placenta. Actually, they lick up and eat the entire birth mess.

My parents did the same tree-planting thing with our placentas. (They were hippies, yeah.)

Personally, I never discuss my pregnancies or childbirthings with my coworkers because they’re a bunch of fucking haters and I don’t want their hate-vibes focused on stories about my kids.

Hey… will Yahoo hire an author/insurance technician?

Doesn’t Betty Crocker make Placenta Helper?

Wow…EECS are that fun?!! The comparison of nipples to fractals is a leap of genius. I should have known they were funny from reading your stuff, E. But my prejudices die slowly, apparently. (And I know from reading that article on you that you are all about destroying prejudice.)

Placenta helper!

I read about the placenta planting/burying while I was pregnant and one of the sites warned against planting/burying if there are a lot of loose cats/critters in the area. I don’t think I need to elaborate at this point. Just ewwwww…….

I live on the Granola Coast, and when my son was born the hospital was eerily placenta-centric. Wanted me to see it, what was I going to do with it . . . I think I offended the nurse by saying “just throw it in the biohazard bin! You just handed me the important part, the baby, remember?” Ernie, you don’t want to know about “lotus birth.” Or some of the other placenta options I was offered.

It takes a lot to make me laugh out-loud, but that fractal/nipple bit…hilarious.

Truly.

ps: breeders scare me

Straight people are gross!

Hey, Ernie…

OMG! That’s sooo friekin’ funny! Buried Placentas, and agressive nipples… Dude… LMAO!!!

By the way, I finally got a gmail account! I feel all special and stuff…

F~