who wants to execute a millionaire… only on FOX
Thank God FOX announces its new show line-up in advance. Otherwise, there would be nothing funny to write about.
Fastlane (Wednesday 9 p.m.), which follows two lead-footed cops who take down criminals in Los Angeles. Tiffani Thiessen (90210) and Peter Facinelli (The Scorpion King) wear the badges.
(Script: Baywatch chick runs after some drug dealer down Rodeo drive. She shoves the drug dealer on the hood of a rented convertable.)
Baywatch chick: HOLD IT, RIGHT THERE! You have the right to remain…
(Their eyes meet.)
Baywatch chick: Sexy.
(Baywatch chick proceeds to make out with drug dealer. Shows ratings go through roof. Ernie proceeds to eat crow.)
Joss Whedon (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) is the brains behind Firefly (Friday 8 p.m.), a one-hour sci-fi adventure series about “cowboys of the future” set 800 years from today.
“Joss, baby. This is Buzz, your agent. I’ve got a great script I want you to come in and read for. And don’t forget about tomorrow — you’re scheduled to audition for the used car sale commercials with the chimpanzee at three in the afternoon. Call me, babe. *click*”
The winter trio of Thursday shows includes Septuplets, about a family with seven kids all about to turn 16.
I can read this one from a million miles away:Jenny: “DADDY!! TELL JENINE, JENNA AND JILLIAN TO LEAVE ME ALONE!! I’M ON MY PERIOD!”
Jenine: “SHUT UP, YOU SLUT! I’M ON MY PERIOD!”
Josephine, Jenna, Jillian, Justine and Joanie: (in unison, of course) “WE ARE, TOO!”
(Girls get in a catright as they push each other off the stairs.)
Actually, since it’s debuting on the Fox network, there will be a giant pool of baby oil at the bottom. And they’re all wearing bikinis. And then they’ll all vote each other off and the winner gets married to a millionaire. You know how it is.
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