5 Bizarre Lessons From Getting Your Car Stolen Multiple Times

Spoiler: it's not just about the car.

In the last ten months, my car has been stolen not once, but twice.

Not only did I know both thieves—I liked them, thought they were solid people. That’s the kind of trust fall that lands you face-first in a police report. If that sounds like the setup to a bad joke, welcome to my life: a tragicomedy where I'm somehow both the straight man and the punchline.

Let me share the lessons I've learned from this clusterfuck of automotive theft, because maybe you can avoid my particular brand of vehicular suffering. Or at the very least, you can feel better about your own life choices, because the whole “your parents are getting old” and “having a career crisis” thing I was giving off wasn’t enough, am I right?

Here are five things I've learned the hard way (so, so hard) about car theft.

Lesson 1: When You Know Your Car Thief, It's Even More Awkward

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