(Like most posts, spoken Mandarin is in italics. And for this particular post, ALL CAPS means they’re not just yelling, but yelling in ENGLISH.)
Ernie’s cell phone: ring, ring.
Ernie: Ma.
Mom: My game broke.
Ernie: Your game broke?
Mom: Yes, the one you bought me a long time ago. BOY GAME.
Ernie: GAME BOY, Mom. It’s called a GAME BOY.
Mom: I have nothing to play with when I watch my television shows now. You don’t want me to get Alzheimer’s, don’t you? It helps with my brain.
Ernie: Uh-huh.
Mom: But only if it’s not too expensive. If that’s the case, never mind. I don’t want to add any stress to you.
Ernie: Of course not, ma.
Mom: I tried to go to the store, and when I showed it to them, the American man said they stopped selling those four years ago. Why would they do that? Can you buy it online?
Ernie: What does it look like?
Mom: I don’t know. It’s Nintendo.
Ernie: Mom, but what kind of Nintendo?
Mom: [pause] White.
Ernie: No, there are different versions of Nintendo’s. How many SCREENS are there?
Mom: WHAT IS SCREEN?
Ernie: [sigh] Can you read something off there?
Mom: Okay. There is... S...
Ernie: and...
Mom: S... L.... O... T.
Ernie: Mom, that spells SLOT.
Mom: [pause] I DON’T KNOW.
Ernie: Are there two… (goddammit… how do you say “screen” in Chinese…) windows?
Mom: What? Windows? There are two screens, but a screen isn’t a window.
Ernie: Okay. Does it have the letters D and S on it?
Mom: Yes. Why?
Ernie: Okay. Nevermind. I know what to get you.
Mom: Okay. Don’t forget to take a walk. TAKE WALK.
Ernie’s cell phone: ring, ring.
Ernie: Ma.
Mom: And thank you for the flowers. They’re lovely.
Ernie: Of course.
It's all part of her master plan! Take a walk, Ernie! And maybe you'll run into a nice guy who would like to play some boy games with you!