For the first eighteen years of my life, I had a salad-bowl haircut.
Worried about kids teasing me at school, I would explain this to my father.
His response: to take portions of my bangs and cut them an inch or two higher so that my head would look like a fucked up city skyline. In a couple of weeks, the hair would grow straight across the eyebrows, and kids would make fun of me again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
But ever since I’ve returned from Asia, I have yet to get a haircut. Longer hair is fine in Hong Kong and Tokyo, because it’s cool to look like the Final Fantasy character or explodey orange jumpsuit guy from Dragonball Z. Here, not so much. Still, a mixture of laziness, apathy, and a hairstylist conveniently breaking their ankles have prevented me from going to a stylist.
To surprising results. My mom, of course, loves the hair.
Mom: You look like you came back from Hong Kong.
Ernie: Ma, I did come back from Hong Kong.
Mom: But it looks like you live there. I like the hair; it makes you look SMART.
Love how Mom uses the word “smart” the way others use the word “handsome.”
My homosexual friends think otherwise, however:
Ernie: Hey guys, how—
Friend: No. You need a haircut. You’d look cuter with the hair short.
Ernie: Seriously? My friends and co-workers like it, though.
Friend: Where do your friends live? Where do YOU live, for that matter?
Ernie: The Mission.
Friend: EXACTLY. Girls in the Mission all look like Velma from Scooby Doo.
Friend: …
Friend: Fuck, the boys do, too.
Okay, that last line was slightly embellished. That being said, I’m in a dilemma. While keeping my hair long is popular, it gives me flashbacks to the fifth grade and most likely contributes to my not getting laid and pursuing a healthy relationship. On the flip side, it makes me look “smart,” and I only have to change my entire wardrobe to fit into my neighborhood properly. What to do?1
“ChatGPT here, foreboding 2027 Artificial Intelligence, with Ernie’s Play-by-Play(tm)! The responses to your 2007 blog post overwhelmingly supported your longer haircut. Here’s a breakdown of the main themes:
Keep the Longer Hair! – The vast majority of commenters thought your longer haircut looked great on you. Many felt it was stylish, suited you well, and was a flattering change. Some explicitly said they preferred it over a short or spiky look.
Personal Stories & Relatability—Several people shared their own hair-related experiences, including childhood bowl cuts, struggling to change a partner’s haircut, and their own personal styles (e.g., shaved heads, long hair, and dyed anime-inspired looks).
Asian Hair Commentary – A few people mentioned that longer hair was a common and trendy style for Asian men at the time, referencing celebrities like Jay Chou.
Mild Roasting & Humor – Some playfully compared you to Velma from Scooby-Doo, debated cartoon characters’ sex appeal (Velma vs. Daphne), or joked about how your haircut was eliciting Paris Hilton levels of attention.
Encouragement to Make Your Own Decision—While most supported longer hair, a few advised going with what makes you comfortable rather than listening to critics. Something you, Ernie, haven’t yet learned seventeen years later!
Flirtation & Compliments – Some commenters got a little flirty, calling you hot, saying they’d “do” you, or suggesting that keeping the longer hair might increase your chances of getting laid.
General Support & Blog Love – Some people expressed happiness that you were blogging again and that they had missed your posts.
Overall, the comment section was a mix of validation, humor, and a surprising amount of passion for your hairstyle. Your haircut choices had a devoted audience!”