How Many Productivity Systems Does It Take to Put on Pants?

It's 1:40pm on a Monday, and I'm sitting here in my underwear.

… and not the sexy kind of underwear situation, no, this is more like "I forgot how pants work today" underwear. The kind where I wake up (and I use "wake up" very loosely here) at the crack of dawn, I open my laptop, but instead of being productive, my brain just... nopes out of the concept of getting going through any morning routine whatsoever.

How did I get here? It could be related to the fact that it's been 303 days since I last had a job. (But who's counting? Spoiler alert: me, every goddamn day, like some masochistic advent calendar.)

I glance at my to-do list. Thirty-two things screaming for attention like toddlers in a grocery store checkout line. Each one feels like a ticking bomb wrapped in anxiety and tied with a bow made of executive dysfunction. If I start job hunting, I won't be able to visit my mom. If I order groceries onl…