The Ghosts of Memory
Recognizing the Patterns We Inherit
Most people dismiss early memory lapses as “normal aging” while secretly panicking about what they might really mean.
That was me. I started forgetting shit constantly these days, and it began to freak me the fuck out.
The constant anxiety of wondering if I was genuinely slipping away created a self-fulfilling prophecy of more forgetfulness, but I did it anyway. The anxiety made me question my sanity when it took 20 minutes to find my car keys in the pants I wore—only to discover they were in the other pair of pants I wore. That anxiety forced me to confront the possibility that my brain might be following the same treacherous path as my parent's, who now salutes me like a fucking cadet because all he registers is “CHINESE MALE LIKE ME” (which, if I'm being honest, isn't that far off from our pre-dementia relationship dynamic).
Understanding the difference between normal forgetfulness and concerning patterns is my first line of defense against both reality and fear.
The Numbers Are Honestly Terrifying
About 40% of people with a parent who had Alzheimer's will develop the disease themselves, which is roughly double the risk of someone without that family history.
This statistic isn't just a number—it's the ticking time bomb lodged somewhere in my genetic code that turns every conversation with anyone in the medical profession into a goddamn horror movie. It transforms innocent moments of forgetfulness into potential symptoms of something devastating, and it made every one of my “where did I put my phone?” moments feel you’ll play out your eventual disease like my father did: angrily writing AARP magazine, demanding they stop threatening him as if marketing letters were hate mail.
The science of early intervention suggests that identifying cognitive changes 10-15 years before diagnosis offers the best chance to alter the disease trajectory—so let's talk about what you can actually do about it.
How To Distinguish Normal Forgetfulness From Warning Signs That Won't Make You Feel Like You're Losing Your Goddamn Mind
Here's how to tell if you're just being human or if something more sinister is happening in that brain of yours:
Track patterns, not incidents. While occasional forgetfulness is normal, consistently forgetting how to get to familiar places, struggling with simple tasks you've done thousands of times, or regularly losing the thread mid-conversation are all worth discussing with a doctor (not just spiraling about at 3AM).
Rule out the basics before freaking out—sleep deprivation, dehydration, and stress can all make your brain function bad bad, so check if you're operating a complex neural system on empty before diagnosing yourself with dad's disease at 3AM while doom-scrolling TikTok, doom-scrollling WebMD.
Pay attention to emotional changes. Heavier irritability, unexpected mood swings, or increasing suspicion of others can be early warning signs that are often dismissed as “just getting older” or “being stressed.” My dad’s suspicion of others came in the form of “Ernie, you will NOT be my Power of Attorney because you’re gay and moved to Florida with a man and thus trying to steal from me.” So, you know, that was fun.
Create systems rather than relying on willpower—external memory aids like multi-colored Post-it notes plastered on every available surface like the adult version of kindergarten classroom decor, obsessively detailed calendar events for shit as basic as “take out trash,” with multiple reminders, because the first four won't register. Notes apps filled with lists upon lists upon lists are not signs you're losing it, but practical survival tools that even neurologists with fully-functioning hippocampi use themselves.
Start a memory journal, because nothing says “I'm totally fine” like documenting every single time you forget something. Although in all seriousness, noting both lapses and successes create a realistic baseline for yourself and any future conversations with healthcare providers. Plus, it's weirdly satisfying to have proof that you remembered to document that you forgot something.
The goal isn't prevention of every memory slip but building resilience against both the condition and the fear of it.
Here's Why You Should Stop Ignoring Those “Senior Moments” in Your Thirties and Forties
Early recognition of cognitive changes creates opportunities for intervention that don't exist once significant decline has occurred.
Or, um, “noticing brain changes early means we can help before things get too hard to fix.”
Memory problems can be caused by treatable issues like depression, vitamin deficiencies, or medication side effects that mimic early dementia. More than a third of dementia risk factors can be reduced through lifestyle changes rather than genetics. Ignoring concerns and wondering, "Is this it?" without taking action creates unnecessary suffering, impacting both cognitive function and quality of life.
These facts aren’t just abstract—they hit home in real-life situations. For example: I've reached the point where my entire existence is essentially held together by Apple's AirTag technology—my wallet, keys, and even my fucking car all have tracking devices attached to them. Which is great, because I now have friends paranoid about civic surveillance while I'm like [Ernie turns to the camera and gives a thumbs up while three red arrows point at his face, as the camera zooms out from the sky to a planet Earth sitting in the universe and there I am, a one-man surveillance experiment, with three cheeky red arrows always in the background]
The difference between my response two years ago (“whatever, everyone loses shit”) versus now (compulsively checking my phone every twenty minutes to make sure I haven't left essential items in some godforsaken location) isn't paranoia—it's the wisdom that comes from watching Dad repeatedly insist he was “fine” while searching for glasses that were on his head, the painful recognition that my “normal absentmindedness” looks suspiciously similar to his early-stage symptoms, and the gut-punch realization that my technological coping mechanisms are less about convenience and more about my terror of becoming him.
The line between vigilance and paranoia is razor-thin, but remembering to forget about perfection is the sanest approach of all.